My Adonai

Friday I had my final exams for this quarter. It has been a hard quarter and I knew that I had been getting way too stresed out during the last couple tests. It didn't seem to matter how much I studied, when I sat for the tests something always happened to throw me into confusion. Actually, confusion comes easily nowadays....I have found that in school, for me, I need to work at a slower pace than some of my younger classmates. I need to get to school early, get my workspace set-up and organized, and need to "get my bearings". I need to get into a rhythm and if that rhythm is disturbed it takes a few minutes to regroup. For instance, during one test we had a tornado drill, which upon returning to the classroom I really struggled to get back on track and was really stressed out!

I have tried to adapt but you know the saying..."It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks". That more or less sums it up for me! The most frustrating thing for me is that in getting stressed out I take my eyes off my Father. I don't like that feeling, the feeling that I am sinking and am all alone. I am not alone but by forgetting to pray, forgetting to call on my Lord, forgetting to have faith and not take this soooo seriously I am not forcing the one who matters the most right out of the loop.

On Friday I took off for school to take my exams. I had studied all I could but in the back of my mind I was still a little unsettled. One thing I try to do is pray on the way to school. I had my favorite christian radio station playing and was lifting up my family. It was then that the Holy Spirit started to take over. I started praying that the Lord would be my hand and take hold of my pencil. I prayed that my test scores would be what He wanted for me for His purpose. It was at this point that a wonderful song started to play. "Adonai...I lift my eyes and cry 'My Adonai' ". As I began to sing with the song I could feel a total release...I could feel my complete surrender. I could actually feel the Lord taking over and I knew He was going to be my hand and that during my exams we would be one. Tears started to flow and I knew that I had really, really given myself over to my Father. I knew that He was going to be in control and that whatever my scores ended up being, it was going to be what he wanted for me... pass or fail! And I really mean that. I knew that if there was a reason...maybe a humbling, maybe so I would come to him more, maybe to help me let go...whatever His reasons I was not going to be performing under confusion....I was going to be perform by the hands of my Master.

During my exams I felt a peace...I was calm and my mind was clear. But most of all was that perfect peace that I felt felt as my hand skimmed the pages answering each and every question almost without reading them. There were not eraser marks and I didn't look at the clock once. What an awesome experience! This is not the first time that I have surrendered myself....it showed me I need to do it much more often. It needs to be my first thought, not my last desperate attempt. I need to stop trying to do everything on my own power and call on His power at the beginning, not at the end.

I just wanted to this with all of you....maybe you are like me and get caught up in the world's way of doing business. If so, get in your prayer closet and ask our Father to do a mighty work in you. Ask him to help you remember to come to him first, not last. Ask him to help you to truly feel his presence. Ask him to help you to surrender yourself totally to him. We know he has the power....we know he is ready and waiting....we know that he answers our prayers and his arms are open waiting for us to ask. We know He is our Father and is willing and waiting on us to come to HIM!

And one last note.....I made a 100% on one of my exams and a high B on the other. That gave me a 98% in one class and 96% in the other class....a 4.0 average. That God!...he really knows what he is doing!

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth dervies its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19

Knowing our Hearts

My husband and I were wandering aimlessly around Kohl’s a couple of weekends ago. The kids were out doing their own thing and we decided to look for a couple of items we needed in this fairly new shopping center. It houses a Kohl’s, Target, Ross, and a Marshall’s. We knew that it being a Friday night that the kids weren’t going to come in until midnight or after so we were not in any hurry. We found the items we needed after leisurely visiting every department. When we realized the store was going to close in a few minutes we made our way to the checkout counter. The aisle we chose had a young woman managing it. Next to her was a young man and he had a problem at his register and kept asking her for instructions. The young woman wasn’t very helpful to the young man….she kept putting him off, first ignoring his questions, then telling him to call someone else.

My husband was in a very good mood especially considering the fact that we had been in stores all evening. And when my husband is in the kind of mood he was in on this night no good can come of it. Let me clue you in on my husband…he likes to stir the pot and then stands back to see what happens! It’s genetic. His dad was like that and so are his brothers and uncles. After 29 years of retraining, I hate to say I have made no headway in changing this behavior. I always feel guilty that when he starts being mischievous that we give others the wrong opinion of us. But he just sees it as funny so I have decided it is best to just try to act like I don’t know him when he start to stir the pot!

Anyway, when the woman at the register started rolling her eyes as the young man questioned her I knew the “bowl was out with the handle of the spoon turned my husband’s direction”. In a low voice he started by telling her the man was talking to her…she answered she knew. Then he went on….”I think he really likes you. Why won’t you answer him. He knows what he is doing he just wants you to speak to him. Hey, I think he might want to see you after the store closes. Yea, that’s what he’s leading up to. Just give him a little attention…he seems like he is really interested in you.”

The mind is a funny thing. The more my husband talked the more she seemed to question herself. She finally asked my husband if he really thought the young man might be interested in her. Boy, he was on a roll now. How would he know!!! He is just a middle aged husband with nothing to do on a Friday night. But he had hooked her! As I was writing a check for our purchases he noticeably looked at his wrist like he was looking at his watch. He doesn’t wear a watch. Then he leaned over to me, like he was going to whisper something to me, but definitely loud enough so all could hear. He said, ”Hey, it’s getting late. Hurry up with that check….I need to get you home before your husband gets off work!” The young woman immediately looked up at me and with a look of concern said, “Oh, I thought he was your husband! He’s not your husband?!” While I am telling the woman that he is indeed my husband, he is just pulling her leg, he is standing at the end of the counter making hand gestures like I am not telling the truth. There was a couple behind us and they got to laughing, it was kind of curious what you can do to the mind. The checkout woman really didn’t believe my protest, I think she believed my husband which didn’t set well with me and my husband thought all this was pretty funny….why, I don’t have a clue!

That night, as I was saying my prayers, I got to thinking about this little exchange. For me, it is important that my actions show the love I have for my Savior. In my life, I believe that it is not always talk…a lot of the time it is actions that bring the light of Christ to others. Little things in life like being patient, considerate, polite, forgiving. To me whenever I leave my house I have a chance to evangelize whether through a friendship, conversation or my actions. Well, our collective actions that night certainly didn’t bring any part of Christ to anyone. Oh, I am not upset or put out with my husband…men are different from women and so is their sense of humor. He was just being light hearted, joking with me and that young checkout woman. And in telling this story to some of my friends, I have discovered that many of them have husbands that have done similar things to them. After nearly thirty years with my husband and his genetic faults, I know he doesn’t mean any harm, it is just his way of picking at me. Again, men are different from women and I try not to spend too much time trying to figure it out.

But, during my prayers that night what did come to mind was how many times I have not shown my love for Christ through my actions or conversation. It came to mind how many times I have been obstinate, rude, stubborn, self-righteous, and rude. What came to mind was how many times I could have been more patient, or kinder. What came to mind was the times I could have offered an encouraging word or just kept my mouth shut and didn’t. How about the times I have argued just because I wanted to be right and wanted to show someone else how wrong they were? I think there are more times than I want to remember that I have failed to shine the light of Christ to others.

Oh, this wasn’t a prayer time filled with condemnation…oh, no just the opposite. God flooded my heart and mind with gratitude for his unconditional love! He reminded me that in this life, by people, we are judged by what someone sees or hears but with Him we are judged by what is in our hearts. Unlike the world, he sees what motivates me, what is really happening inside of me, how hard I am really trying and how sincere I really am! His promises of his love for me, no matter what attitude or struggle I had that day or that week or even that year, rolled through my mind. The lessons I have learned about his love for me from all the years of studying His word came to mind. His assurance that nothing could separate me from his love…the reassurance that he gave his life for me so that I could fail in this life and still be loved by Him caused me to tear up. As I started to repent for getting caught up in this life and letting my eyes wander off of him, I felt a renewed assurance that no matter how many mistakes I make, no matter how I struggle to change the things in me that are not pleasing to Him He loves me and will always love me. Just as I know the heart of my husband, my Father knows my heart and loves me, stands beside me, and is patient with me. How grateful I am that in my father’s eyes I am judged differently than in the eyes of people. That one mistake, error in judgment or sin that can cause the world to judge you and judge you harshly is understood or forgiven by my Lord. What an awesome kind of love He gives us!

So, I will continue to go forward, to work hard on living the way Christ wants me to, to be his disciple and bring his love to others. And because of His love and forgiveness I will come to his arms to feel his forgiveness when I fall short. As far as my husband goes…I will continue to try to rework those genetic flaws…or maybe just let him have his fun. He has a Savior that sees his heart too!

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,”, says the Lord, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

Sing to Him

As I was driving I was listening to the radio and some great lyrics jumped out at me and they have been playing in my head ever since.

I think what caught me so was that they were simple yet they said alot. And they were sung with such conviction...so confidently. You see, I have a few things that I speak confidently about. I am one of those people when showing their driver's license and asked if I work (they are looking for a work phone in case the check is bad), I boldly state, "Yes, I work...I am running a household, raising a family and providing a peaceful place for my husband to lay his head at night! YES..I do work and my work number IS my home number!" Of course, my husband seems to disappear at the first words of asking for my license....I wonder why? But, that is one thing in my life that I have a real conviction about.

There are other things...like honoring my family..children, husband and parents. Whenever asked about them I always attempt to say very positive things about them. It is not that I want to hide their flaws, my closest friends know what is happening in my family, but when pleasantries are exchanged I always want to say the best about my family. The fact is we are like any family and have our problems but I have a great family and it is my duty as the mom to always do my best to protect their integrity. I really do believe that!

And then there were those great song lyrics which to me were really a few statements of my beliefs...truths that I believe to the core of my very soul. Listening and then playing them over and over in my head it was almost like being asked for my driver's license! I believe these words, I want to shout them out confidently and with conviction. These words define who I am because what I believe makes me who I am! Enough already, what are the lyrics? Here they are and go ahead with me...shout them out with conviction...let the heavens be moved with our praise!

My saviour loves,

My saviour lives,

My saviour's always there for me...

My God HE WAS,

My God HE IS,

My God IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE!

Thank you for singing His praises with me...HE WAS, HE IS, HE IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE!

Halleljuah!

Build Walls?!

When I was a teenager we lived in Europe. We took a trip to the Berlin Wall and visited the famous "Checkpoint Charley" (boy, I am really dating myself now). It made quite an impression on me. I couldn't understand why people had built a wall to keep people in. I remember standing at "Checkpoint Charley" and noticing the people riding on the bus as they went by on the communist side of the wall. They looked like they were void of emotion...their faces were expressionless. I remember it like it was yesterday (but believe me it wasn't!).

My parents do alot of counseling. I grew up hearing phrases like, "boy, have they really built up a wall!" Or when we were, all five of us kids teenagers, I can remember my parents saying, "It's like we are hitting our heads against a brick wall!"

Walls...for me it doesn't conjure up a pretty picture. Actually, the definition is not a negative one. A wall is an upright structure to enclose an area for safety or protection. I like the enclosed for safety or protection part. Usually, I think of a walls as intimidating, looming, forceful. Something that separates but in a bad way. And then I was reading in the book of Nehemiah.

Nehemiah ws the cupbearer to King Artaxerxes. Nehemiah was greatly distressed because the walls of Jerusalem were broken down. That left the city of his people, Jerusalem, defenseless. He was so grieved over this that he fasted and prayed and went to the king to ask permission to go and repair the wall ...You see Nehemiah was willing to risk anything for the people of God, for his people, and the city he loved so much and the Jews needed a wall to surround them to protect them. With no real fortifications they had been easy prey for their enemies. Go ahead and read Nehemiah. God did answer Nehemiah's prayer and the king gave him permission to go and rebuild.

But that got me to thinking. We build walls around us. We build walls to keep people out of our hearts and emotions. We build walls around us because we are insecure and afraid of rejection. We build walls around ourselves to hide secrets and guilt that we are carrying. This walls hold in the very things that need to be illuminate, worked on, brought out into the open so in cases like these walls are not a good thing.

Let's go back to the definition of wall...a structure to enclose an area for safety and protection. Think of our bodies and minds as walls to protect our souls and hearts from evil. What if we though of our bodies and minds as the upright structure...strong, fortified, secured. Strong in our beliefs, fortified with our faith, and secured in the word. In other words if we built our bodies and minds up strong in faith and lived what we believe and know the word of God that would be a wall that would protect our hearts and souls from Satan and his works. Our bodies and minds would be like the wall that protected Jerusalem and with this wall we would be better protected from our enemies...

Just as the wall around Jerusalem would need attention to keep it strong so our bodies and minds need constant work. Reading our bibles, praying, worshipping, fellowship with other believers. But then within those walls we have a a little more fruit, a little more peace because we have protected ourselves from being totally venerable.

Of course, in all this I am talking about a spiritual wall with spiritual and moral protection. Another thing that was so neat when I read this was how God's hand was completely on Nehemiah for God's purposes and he recognized that. Look at yourself....is God calling you to rebuild your spiritual wall? Do you need to rebuild or just patch and refortify? Accept the task of rebuilding your spiritual and moral walls and God will provide the power and the provision. Begin the good work and see the gracious hand of God upon you!

Then I said to them, "You see the trouble we are in: Jesusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have beeen burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace." I also told them about the gracious hand of my God upon me and what the King had said to me. They replied, "Let us start rebuilding." So they began this good work.
Nehemiah 2: 17-18

REST

Over the Labor Day holiday all I did was REST…I felt exhausted mentally and physically. Not because I do a lot of physical labor and not because my life is in shambles emotionally but I was just plain worn out. My life seems to be somewhat of a circus act these days. Juggling my schedules of school and home, the school and work schedules of the kids, and trying to keep things running peacefully, and smoothly for my husband who is just into his third month at a new job that is quite demanding. Yes, my life could be an act with RINGLING BROS. BARNUM and BAILEY and I needed a rest from the tour schedule!

The emotion of thankfulness for having a few days off was deep. I kept thanking God for the break. What I needed and wanted most in those four days was unhurried and focused time to spend with my Lord. I needed to dwell not just with him but in Him and feel Him dwelling in me. I have been somewhat like a dry well and needed the Holy Spirit to fill me up. The last two years have held many changes for myself and my family and those changes have taken a toll on my prayer life. Isn’t it funny how we as humans, when we need our Father the most, have the hardest of times connecting with him?

The rest was what I needed and I didn’t even need it by way of a Caribbean Island vacation. I just needed a quiet place…and sleep! I slept more than I prayed, but in my quiet place I found that those four days were days spent 24/7 worshipping Him! I found my way back into his arms and I felt like I was standing on Holy ground in his presence once more. The familiar feelings of comfort, peace, joy, and hope came flooding back into my heart, soul, and mind.

And in the midst of this, I was reminded of my Lord. Jesus was sent here, into our world and he experienced the human side of life. Troubles, burdens, and stresses are a part of life and he had those just as we do. Yes, he had great pressures and stresses…he had a world of sick, broken, hungry souls to minister to and he also knew that he was on much more of a time restraint than you or I have ever felt. He needed rest too….not a lounge chair on the beach and a “pina colada”…no, he got his rest, his focus, he was rejuvenated by withdrawing to a quiet place where he could turn to his Father. He wanted to be in a place where he was unhurried, completely focused and surrender all of himself to God. He knew he needed not to be task focused or self-focused but GOD-FOCUSED. Jesus said, “I live by the power of the living Father who sent me.” (Matthew 14:23).

Jesus knew and gave us many examples of rest. He retreated time after time to a quiet place to be with his Father, the source of His strength, into the arms of the one who sent him. He was with God, he prayed to God and rested by giving his burden to one with shoulders big and broad enough to hold the burdens of the world. Jesus was here on earth to accomplish his Father’s will just as we are here to do God’s will. And when the stress and pressures of this life become too much we like Jesus have to rest…have to go to a quiet place to soak up God, we have to draw strength from the source of all power…God himself. It will be through our rest, our releasing of our burdens and stress, and our “filling up” on the Holy Spirit that will enable us to go forward, to stay God-focused and to continue to accomplish his will here on earth. It is rest that will help us focus on others and serve them and in turn serve our God and King!!

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11: 28-29

A contract for life

This weekend I will be celebrating my anniversary. If seems at times that it was just yesterday that the church was filled with flowers and people, that the members of my family looked as sharp as they had ever looked and my mom outshone the bride. I had my sisters surrounding me as my bridesmaid and maid of honor, I had my mom making sure everything was just perfect and my daddy right beside me to hold me up. I remember, as clear as day, my dad patting my hand and telling me to just hold on to him...he would get me to the altar. I felt beautiful, blessed, honored, sad and scared all at the same time. I had a stomach full of butterflies but yet couldn't wait to see my "prince" at the end of that long walk to the altar. I made it down the aisle with my dadddy's strength, my sister's support, and my mother love and blessings. That was 29 years ago!

Those days were filled with passion, emotion and pure innocent love. As the weeks, months, and years have rolled by those feelings have changed to something deeper and more mature. Now there is loyality, committment, a love so big and wide it is hard to put words to it, friendship.. and in the center of it all is Jesus! As I have always been able to see Jesus in my father and mother...their committment to each other because of their committment to Christ... I can often see that in my husband. His love for myself and our children is unselfish, his caring for my family is true love of family, and his treatment of others is how Christ taught us "to do unto others".

I am blessed to have lived all these past years with a man that loves the Lord, a man who unselfishly cares for his wife and children, a man who loves my family like his own and a man who would give his last dollar to help his fellow man. I am forever humbled at the work that Christ has done in both of our lives, individually and as a couple and I rejoice in the future to know that we will only grow older and wiser together and receive more of what God has in this life for us as a couple.

I can do nothing this weekend but give glory to God for bringing me this mate that I love so deeply and giving me that kind of love in return. Thank you Russell for loving me and sharing so much of your life with me and we thank you dear Father for the last 29 years and giving us a little taste of heaven here on earth.

Happy Anniversary!!

POSTSCRIPT......

I try to write at the leading of the Holy Spirit. I have shared that with most of you before. And I have prayed that during this time, while I am in school and pulled in every direction, that the Lord would still speak to me and continue to allow me to write the words that He speaks to me. It has been my buoy, the way I have been able to feel his presence in my life in a powerful way. And apparently He has and is….the story of Esther has mingled in my mind and heart for weeks now. The same words keep stiriring in my spirit and so I trust that my Lord wants them spoken for me…for someone.

The first look into Esther was not what I wrote on my last post…this was what the Lord showed me in the first few minutes of the movie and I didn’t know how to put it into words and actually He used my last post to convict me to write today. So, I hope I can be obedient and let the Holy Spirit to speak through me.

In the first few minutes of the movie they rustled up all the young women. The king’s personal attendants proposed that a search be made for all the beautiful, young virgins. They were to be brought to the royal harem and placed under the care of the king’s eunuch. Esther won his favor and he provided her with beauty treatments, special foods, seven maids selected from the king’s palace and moved her into the best place in the harem.

The girls had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months with oils and six months with perfumes before they could be brought before the King. When it was her turn, in the evening, she would go to the King and in the morning return to the harem. She would not return to the king unless he was pleased with her and summoned her by name.

This is where I started to feel all kinds of emotions. I even stopped my TIVO and read through my bible to be sure that they weren’t over dramasting the whole process. And it was acted pretty close to scripture. I felt for this young woman, who I can assume being Jewish had a pretty strict upbringing. I felt for her being a young woman and a virgin and thrown into this harem to be treated like a steer up for auction. She was taken from a comfortable life with great freedoms (Jews were even allowed to own and run their own businesses) and put somewhere that had to be against who and what she was. She had no rights or freedoms and even though it doesn’t say this her morality was stripped from her. Her sole purpose and not by her choice but by force, was to serve the king and await his call for sexual pleasure.

Yet, it states in Esther 2:15…And Esther won the favor of everyone who saw her. It came to me that this couldn’t be only because of her beauty…there had to be more to the substance of this young woman. And sure enough we found out on my last post that there was plenty of outstanding character in this one person. This is what spoke to me and spoke strongly. How many times in our lives are we in a place that we don’t want to be…whether by our choice or circumstance? All of us will be there at some point in life if we haven’t encountered that already. It might be a marriage we shouldn’t have jumped into…it might be a job we took or had to take and then were miserable. It might be losing a child or spouse or being thrust into the throws of disease (the scariest…the big C). It could be any kind of major change in your life that has thrown you off kilter.

And that was the lesson the Holy Spirit was speaking to me…are the changes in my life worse than being taken from my home, family and security and thrust into a harem with hundreds of other young virgins. How do the changes compare to living day in and day out just waiting to hear my name called so I can be used for the sexual pleasures of a king and then possibly cast aside to wait in dread for my name to be called again? Let me tell you….my life is a picnic!!

The problem is, my character has not risen to the character of Esther. I have not focused on the providence of my Savior. I have not run to him and let him give me strength. I have not wanted to risk my security, my life that I love and am comfortable in to serve God in a different plan. I have not wanted any other plan! I only want what I have been comfortable in….yes, I have been extremely selfish! There I said it.

Where would history be if Esther hadn’t gone along with the plan and gone along with it in a positive manner. I believe, because the scriptures tells us, that she won the favor of the king’s eunuch and she didn’t accomplish that by griping and complaining or kicking or crying. She went beyond just doing what she had to do, she trusted in God and made the best of it. And she reaped blessings…the king fell madly in love with her and she became queen. She earned trust and favor and was able to save her people. And because of her Mordecai, who was at one time condemned to death, rose to become the second highest ranking official in the nation. And I am sure there are plenty more great deeds in the life of Esther that are not recorded in those short ten chapters.

The Holy Spirit has played this scripture in my head over and over the last few weeks….”And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14. God knows why we are where we are! We might be in this royal position because he has a great work for us. We might be in this position because, like Esther, God has hand picked us for service to him in a place different from what we are used to. Maybe, He has already called us but we have been digging our heels in the ground and refusing to trust… to relinquish control of all of our life to Him, not just when we are comfortable. And just maybe…we are where we are because this is our royal position and there is a time such as this!!

So much character

I was watching an old movie the other day….”ESTHER”. It was made in the late 50’s or early 60’s and held my interest. During the movie God was speaking to me about Esther and how he was able to use her for His service.

The story of Esther and thus the book is one of romance but also of obedience, loyalty and service to God. Esther was gathered up with many young women to be taken to the King of Persia so that he might choose a wife. The king was taken with her beauty, captivated by her physical charms, and mesmerized by an inward beauty that radiated through her personality and character. The King was so taken with this young girl that he broke Persian law…it held that one of the royal line must marry a wife belonging to the seven great Persian families. God had a plan and his Esther was to be brought to the throne for His service. The King of Persia chose this young Jewish girl as his wife, unaware she was Jewish.

Mordecai, her foster father, had made her promise not to reveal her nationality to the King until the opportune time. She keep this pledge and dutifully obeyed her foster father. How wonderful it is when we honor our parents with obedience which in turn is honoring our heavenly Father. Not only did she honor her family but she honored her nationality…she ferociously loved her race. But exhibiting honor to her pledge and self-control she kept her nationality a secret until the opportune time. You see, someone in the King’s inner circle, a man named Haman, had become furious with Mordecai (Esther’s foster father), and was determined to destroy Mordecai and all the Jews along with him. This meant death for the Jews which included Esther. Haman deceived the King and persuaded him to issue an edict condemning the Jews to death. Mordecai got word to Esther and she decided to risk her life to save her people.

You should really read the book if you haven’t done so already because my condensed version really doesn’t do it justice. But anyway…. in deciding to attempt to save the lives of her people she sent a reply to Mordecai and told him to “gather all the Jews and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day…when this is done, I will go to the King, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish” (Esther 4: 15-16). What nerves of steel! What strength and trust in God she had!

It is then that Esther invited her King and Haman to a special banquet. Even the invitation to the banquet was dramatic…she made her plans carefully. You see, even though she was the queen and quite favored, she was not allowed to see the King unless he requested it. The King did ask her to come forward but with a heap of self-control and knowing that perfect timing is everything, she invited the King to the banquet I mentioned earlier. He was smart enough to pick up on the fact that his queen had something more on her mind that just a simple feast. So they attended her banquet.

During this banquet the King asked Esther what she really wanted and she invited them to another banquet… again with great self-control, having a plan and being bathed in prayer she conveyed the importance of the matter and asked for them to come to a second banquet. Yes, she had the heart of her King but she was really pushing her own security! It was then at the second feast that she dropped the bombshell…she told her king of Haman’s plot against the Jews and Haman was doomed. In fact, Haman had gallows built to hang Mordecai at and instead it was those very gallows where Haman met with his death.

The real story here is how Esther’s risk confirmed that God was the source of her security. It is also about serving our Master to the limit of our ability, where in His Providence He has placed us, and thus preparing ourselves for a larger circle of service if such be His will. I want the character of Esther…when chosen by my Father I want to be ready to renounce self and exert myself for the good of others. I want my character to show that I have unbounded confidence in God’s Providence—and to acknowledge God as the Author of all mercies. I want my character to show that I realize that there are magnificent and unparalleled opportunities in the place I have been put to serve the Lord, my God with loyalty, confidence and security.

“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?
Esther 4:14

Standing at the Crossroads

How many of you can stand back, look over the past and see the times you have stood at some sort of crossroads? It might have been a relationship crossroad, it might have been a crossroad concerning a job, or it might have been the most important crossroad of life….to give your life to Jesus. We all have been at the crossroads of life; a place where we have to make a decision to go down one path or another. What should we do when we encounter these crossroads and especially when we don’t immediately see road signs directing us? Well, there is a little verse tucked away in the book of Jeremiah that clues us in….
This is what the Lord says; “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your soul. " Jeremiah 6:16
God has laid out a path for all of us. It is the right path and is ancient. It has been in the works from the very beginning. If we choose God’s ancient path for living instead of following a new path of our own choosing we will find “peace and rest for our souls”.

Okay, that seems easy enough but notice what Jeremiah instructs us to do when we get to the crossroads. Those three little words seem to jump right off the page…ASK! In other words we might not immediately see road signs clearly directing us down the exact path we need to take. The Lord wants us to come to Him, he wants to take us by the hand and lead us down the path to rest and peace. One other thing I noticed about this scripture….it is not about just the point of standing at the crossroads and choosing the right path…it also includes the journey. Read this part again, “…ask where the good way is, and walk in it…”. We will be walking in His perfect plan, this will be a journey and he wants us to come to him, let Him direct us and then He will take our hand and be there with us. We will be in His will and that will bring us the peace and rest in Him that he wants for us. What clarity that brings to those crossroads of life! When we encounter them we need to seek his direction, take his hand and journey down his perfect and ancient path with and in our Almighty Father. Then we will find rest for our souls!
AMEN!

I put this on my homeschooling site...Fridays I always post a devotion. I haven't posted anything fun in a long while and neither has my good friend BOMBA. He was the one who would post a mind-teaser, or strange something and then we would all have to "one up " him. So, my dear friend, the ball is now in your court!

Today let’s play a little game. Just for a fun…

FIND THE BOOK

Each sentence contains a book of the Bible.
Find the name of the book and write it down.

1. Put the hose against the house.
2. He gave Jon a horse.
3. They were walking seven miles a day.
4. His Fez rang with every step he took.
5. Always tell the truth.
6. The house numbers started falling.
7. It was the best her mother could do.
8. That coat of Gene’s is dirty.
9. A job well done is what you are striving for.
10. All tips, alms and gifts are appreciated.
11. Use pro verbs, not anti ones.
12. Joe loves to work on cars.
13. The Santana mosque is quite large.
14. The facts are available.
15. The trim ark made the voyage safely.
16. Don’t prejudge students at other schools.
17. That idea came from answer #2.
18. The trip eternal had begun.
19. He met Pam at the Winter Youth Celebration.
20. His game of golf was a fluke.

Answers:
(1)Hosea, (2)Jonah, (3)Kings, (4)Ezra, (5)Ruth, (6)Numbers, (7)Esther, (8)Genesis, (9)Job, (10)Psalms (11)Proverbs, (12) Joel, (13)Amos, (14)Acts, (15)Mark, (16)Judges, (17)Romans, (18)Peter, (19)Matthew, (20)Luke.

We have so much to be thankful for, we as God's people are so very blessed! Have a wonderful weekend...maybe some of you are off Monday...if so enjoy your long weekend!
Blessings to you all and enjoy the puzzle!!
COLETTE

Solomon's Future

At Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you."..."Now, O lord my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties...So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?"...So God said to him, "Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be." 1 Kings 3: 5, 7, 9, 11-12.

Today, when I was reading this several things came to mind...of course, a lesson. Notice in the second line that Solomon referred to himself not as King but as God's servant. This is the first of several lessons this scripture gives us. Solomon must of been overwhelmed with the task ahead of him...he had big shoes to fill and a large kingdom to rule. He knew he needed wisdom but where was that wisdom going to come from? So, instead of calling his friends..instead of looking to the knowledgeable people in his kingdom he went to God! Going straight to God shows the foundation of Solomon...his prayer was the revelation of his own need for God. What an example to us. How many times, even though we are christians, do we try everything in our power when faced with something overwhelming except simply prayer! We are slow to recognize our inability, we are slow to acknowledge God's power, we seem to come to Him as a last resort instead of the other way around. When we are young, we seem to be blinded by the pride of "Iknow it all", when we are older we are blinded by the pride of the knowledge and connections we think we have. But Solomon wasn't blinded by his own pride. Even though he was picked to be King he recognized that he, even in the "I know it all" youthful stage of life and with all his kingdom at the tip of his fingers, needed God's help. WOW!

Another lesson from this is the acknowledgment of Solomon that his wisdom was not enough...not enough for now or in the future. He was asking God not only for the immediate needs but for wisdom and knowledge for the future. He knew that the future would hold problems and he would have to use wisdom in the future as well. How often are we so single-minded that we only ask for the problems of right now...solve this problem and we will worry about tomorrow another day. We want God to take care of today because our sight is so limited..."just give me what I want or need today and if I need you again i'll get in touch with you!" Not very humble are we?! When we come to our Lord we need to be humble, we should ask for knowledge and direction, not just for today, but for the future. We are God's servants, God is not our "genie in a bottle." We should seek His wisdom for today, tomorrow and for all the days, months and years ahead.

This is not new stuff to me but it does help to remind me that I have strayed somewhat. Yes, I confess I often slip into the old habit of using all my resources to tackle God-sized task instead of acknowledging my need for God-sized help. I often forget that I need and want God's wisdom to take me far beyond the solution to today's problems...I want Him and His wisdom to walk me through all the days of my life. I hope this helped to remind you of your need for Him too!

"Get over it"...absolutely NOT!

"Get over it!"...I have heard this phrase more times than I can count. "I told her she needs to just get over it!"..."Well, we can't change him/her; we can't control other people. You need to get over it to have more peace!"..."Life throws you some curve balls...get over it!" I don't like this phrase and I try not to use it. Every time I hear it my heart sinks a little. I feel like there is no compassion, no mercy, no understanding, no patience in these three little words. Yet, they are tossed around easily, maybe without really hearing what is being said.

This weekend, when I heard these three little words uttered, something happened to me. A thought came to me that there was one topic was I was not, oh, never, going to get over. A spirit of rebellion you might be thinking?! No! I am referring to my feelings about the King of Kings..the Almighty...the Trinity...God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The feelings I have for Him I never want to "get over". These are some of the words that come to mind...awestruck, capitivated, incredible, inconceivable, indescribable, marvelous, overwhelming, remarkable, stupefy, stupendous, unimaginable, unutterable.

When I wake in the morning I am struck with an His indescribable peace. As I read His words in my bible I am captivated by His teachings. In my pray time as he pours out his Holy Spirit over me I find that my words are unutterable. It is inconceivable that He loves me so much that he gave his life for me. When I look back over my life at the blessings he has bestowed upon me...from His healing of me when I was a baby, through my wonderful years growing up, to marrying and having children, through the years of homeschooling...it is all incredible!

The way he answers my prayers and always leads me down His pathways is remarkable. I am awestruck every day just looking at His creation outside around me..all that He has made to give us pleasure..the birds, the flowers, the wild bunnies. He has stupified me with how well he knows me, so intimately...and how he cares for me so lovingly and gently. The people, my friends, he has brought into my life is something I marvel at. When I think of the family he gave me...my King knowing me before my mother even knew there might be a me...and sticking in there with us all until we surrendered our lives to him I am overwhelmed. For me to know He stays with me, my family, my friends and all His children every moment of every day, forever is unimaginable. And the thought that He has given all of us, every single person, a path to eternal life, to a place we will spend eternity in his presence is stupendous!

The mesmerizing way I feel about my heavenly Father I don't want to "get over". The inexpressible feelings I have for my King I will never work to "get over". And I will not "get over" my love and devotion for my Saviour... I will try to only work harder at showing Him that love and devotion. Now, when I hear those three little words..."get over it"...my heart will not be distressed. My heart will jump for joy and my mind will be immersed in admiration, thanksgiving and utter devotion for my God!

No Condemnation

Romans 8:1-2.. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

To condemn or condemnation is to express utter disaproval...to find guilty; convict; to doom. A very negative word but one the Lord spoke to me today. Think about the word and its definition for a minute. How many times a week do we, in our minds or through our words or actions find someone guilty...convict someone..or even express utter disaproval?

This morning in giving advice to someone else about responding in love not reacting in condemnation the Lord convicted me. I heard my own words, which really were the words of the Holy Spirit. My mind started thinking of all the times I engaged in the thoughts and words of condemnation...you know.."He/she did that on purpose just because he/she knows I don't like it!"..."I know they haven't done what I asked..they never do!"..."I know that's a lie.." and one in particular that stuck in my mind.."There, they did it again! How many times have we talked about that and there still is no change. They should have learned by now..I'm not putting up with that anymore!"

CONDEMNATION, CONDEMNATION, CONDEMNATION! Am I so perfect that I can be judge, jury and proclaim sentence without even one question? Am I so righteous that I am allowed to decide how long it should take for a soul to been transformed. Am I so heartless that I would rather judge than love as Christ did? Am I so arrorgant that I neglect my own sin but quickly point to how others should be sinless? Do I always want to be judged by the strictness of the law and be shown no mercy, grace or compassion?

Let me share what the Holy Spirit was saying through me, for my friend, but also for myself and maybe for you too! In relationships...in life for that matter we ALL have sinned and will keep on sinning. Just because you have conquerored something does not mean it is not a problem for someone else. And what might take you a day to overcome might take someone else years. And we will never be perfect...we will keep on sinning and God will keep using the Holy Spirit to teach us, mold us, make us more Christlike. If we could isolate a problem and then just change we would end up one day being perfect. Being Christlike is a day to day struggle...it is a path we are on, covered in God's grace, and it will not end until we leave this world. We, as christians, need to exhibit patience, understanding, trust, and forgiveness to the people we love to help them BE more Christlike and that shows also the transformation in us.

For instance, let's say that you are a husband and you seem to always come home from work late...you get off at 5 p.m., usually end up staying later but more often than not forget to call home. Your wife hates this and the two of you have talked about it. She watches the clock starting at around 3 p.m., counting down the minutes until you get home so that she can get a little help with the children. She also has dinner ready to serve at 5:15 p.m. because she is looking ahead at kitchen clean-up, baths for the kids, and can hardly wait to put them to bed so she can have a break....can't you tell that a woman, wife and mother is coming up with this scenerio!

Well, by the time you roll into the carport forty-five minutes late, humming a few bars of your favorite song, happy as a lark because you finished the project you were working on...your wife has judged you, the jury is in and you are condemned for a life of cold stone treatment! Now keep in mind that I am talking about christians, and a couple that has a good marriage, and a husband and wife that love each other and try their best. There is a problem and it needs to be addressed and worked on but in the law of the Spirit of Life which has brought us the freedom to extend mercy and understanding.

In our relationships we should be slow to judge the actions of another...out of love for that person we should expect that they are doing the best they can. Don't we want that from the people we love? We should expect that they want to and are trying to change those things that cause friction in our relationship. Leave the condemnation out on the side walk....don't convict him without even one question. Don't immediately express utter disaproval. It is right to bring problems out into the light. We need to illuminate our sin, our falleness, our shortcoming. The way to do that though is not through condemnation.

And in the book of Acts we find a good example of condemnation ..."When I went to Jerusalem, the chief priests and elders of the Jews brought charges against him (Paul) and asked that he be condemned." Paul had committed no offenses but was judged and convicted and found to be guilty. CONDEMNATION. And then we have the greatest example of condemnation in the books of Matthew and Luke..."I have examined him in your pressence and have found no basis for your charges against him (Pilate speaking). Neither has Herod; for he sent him back to us; as you can see he has done nothing to deserve death." Luke 23:14b-15. Jesus was tried six times, by both Jewish and Roman officals but never convicted of a crime that deserved death. But yet he was CONDEMNED and suffer a horrible death.

Sinful, yes we are...held to the letter of the law and condemned without mercy or even a question..no, that is not what Jesus teaches us! What an honor that our Lord and Saviour loves me enough to bring this to me today. I can only praise him for showing me that I need to rid my mind and my heart of condemnation and replace it with compassion, patience, love and understanding. What a wonderful Father he is to show me that I need work on my "people skills" and start responding more instead of reacting. What a teacher he is to show me that I need to confront the problems around me but with prayer, love and the Holy Spirit. What a wonderful life I have in Christ Jesus with no condemnation!

Romans 5:16 The gift is not like that which came through the one who sinned; for on the one hand the judgment arose from one transgression resulting in condemnation, but on the other hand the free gift arose from many transgressions resulting in justification.

Romans 5:18 So then as through one transgression there resulted condemnation to all men, even so through one act of righteousness there resulted justification of life to all men.

Divine Road Map

For me, I have always feared and dreaded uncharted territory. How about you? That feeling of not having a detailed map of our future can cloud the peace and joy that God wants for us each and everyday. My heart knows that God has a road map for me and that he will show me the route if I will put my faith in him. Making my mind join in is the real problem. But in those cases, he has given me yet another lesson from His word…one to help me in my times of weakness.

Reading in the Old Testament, I see that God’s road map for His people was clear. God knew where he wanted his people to go and was faithful to lead them there. There were some things that God used to strengthen His people, and the same things are available to us today as we face our challenges, fears and doubts.

The people of Israel, while standing on the banks of the Jordon River, had one sure thing…they had the record of God’s performance on their behalf, in the past, and so do we!

For forty years, God’s people had been wandering in the desert, yet God wonderfully and miraculously cared for them. First, they got into the wilderness through the miracle of walking through the Red Sea, then God gave them a guidance system. Each day, for forty years, they were led by a pillar of cloud. At night they were led by a pillar of fire. They were wandering, but God was leading them. God spoke through Moses, “I have led you for years in the wilderness. Your clothes have not worn out on you and your sandals have not worn out on your feet.” Deuteronomy 29:5.

This summer, if you feel like you are uncertain of the direction you are to go in…feel the doubt and fear of not knowing what is ahead closing … remember that you have God’s road map. You have the record of God’s faithfulness. And then do one simple thing, take a look at the sandals on your feet. I am sure yours are much like mine…in pretty good shape and definitely not worn off my feet!

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

A Grand and Great Salvation History

The following came as a sermon from my favorite priest, who is a wonderful man of God and also my friend. It was information I knew....just had not thought of much until it was given illumination this past Easter. I thought it would be something interesting to share with all of you and please comment...I love your input!

Jesus Christ came as the New Moses...to lead us and deliver us!

Let's take a look at the similarities:

Moses was saved from being slaughtered as a young child...
Jesus was taken into Egypt as an infant because of the Royal Decree that would put newborns to death...

Moses led his people through the Red Sea from slavery so that they could begin their journey into the Promised Land...
Jesus was led through the Waters of the Jordan River so that he could begin his journey and ministry...

Moses and the Israelites were out in the wilderness for 40 years going to the Promised Land...
Jesus went from the waters of the Jordan into the wilderness for 40 days of fasting and prayer to prepare himself for his ministry and rebuke Satan...

Moses went up on Mt. Saini to receive the 10 Commandments--God's Law for his people...
Jesus went up on the Mountain to give the Sermon on the Mount--he gave his disciples the New Covenant Law...

Moses chose the 12 tribes of Israel to lead the people and 70 Elders to help...
Jesus chose the 12 disciples to lead his followers and another 70 to help...

Moses prepared his people for the Passover--where the blood of the Lamb saved the first born sons from the angel of death. The Lamb had to be eaten...
Jesus prepares his disciples for his death as the Blood of the Lamb is shed on the cross and his body must be eaten...

These are not just coincidences--this is our Salvation History. This is the story of our King, our prophet, our pastor, our Messiah.

Jesus has formed a New Covenant for us--a new family in his flesh and blood...let us praise God we have the opportunity to receive this wonderful and miraculous gift from our loving God!

And thank you Fr. John for teaching us and giving us more to help us understand our faith, which helps us to grow so that we can love and serve our heavenly Father...you are the best!

First time in a lonnnng time!

Today I start finals....whew...my heart is fluttering as I write this. And the thought comes to mind, what am I doing on the computer blogging! Well, I want my friends to pray...to pray that my mind will be clear...to pray that my heart beat can slow down...to pray that I am able to do my best...and pray that a spirit of vanity will not come into play. I have noticed that in the school world what you make on your tests matters to everyone. And not usually in a good way. The first few tests we took, after class, everyone stood around asking what everyone else scored. You were gossiped about if you scored poorly and it made every one upset with you if you did better than they did. So, I found very quickly that maybe you should avoid just not answering the questions. WRONG! I tried that too and was pressured into "giving up my scrore". Then what followed was a smart remark and for a week I was not spoken to..(aparently I scored pretty well). So, I have tried very hard to give God the glory for the mind and ability he has given me and I try to scoot out of class before the masses gather. Today, I am nervous but feel almost giddy....really joyful...I am coming to the end of a new beginning..the end of my first quarter in college. I have been praising God and thanking him for this journey he has me on and I want your prayers to...today and tommorrow. Then I have a rest for almost 3 whole weeks. Praise God! Thanks for your prayers and faithfulness!

"Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, O Lord, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all. Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name." 1Chronicles 29:11-13

A new ministry

What a change in my life…after being home and taking care of my family for all these years…to be going to school. In all the scenarios of my life, I would have never thought of this one. I do know that God has a plan for me. Over the last three months the Holy Spirit has been whispering continually in my ear. I have always felt like I wore an invisible pair of glasses that the Holy Spirit wanted me to look through. These “Holy Spirit” glasses, instead of “rose colored glasses”, have enabled me to see confusion, hurt, loneliness, and longing for something in the people around me. And the day I started school the Holy Spirit handed me the glasses again…"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, Because he anointed me to preach good tidings to the poor He hath sent me to proclaim release to the captives, And recovering of sight to the blind, To set at liberty them that are captive” Luke 4: 18.

There is a young woman who sits behind me in one of my classes…a warm, sweet, kind young woman…married with two young children. One day we were talking and this young woman asked me if I knew she had her first child in high school before she had gotten married. I was careful with my response and asked her how that worked for her. Did the students at school give her a hard time or treat her differently? She was very open with me and told me that she was a cheerleader, popular, and that most kids thought it was kinda cool. So I asked her how her parents felt about it…they were fine with it….her mother, at age sixteen, had her out of wedlock. She then told me that it wasn’t a big deal, she married the man she had sex with.

There is another young woman, a tiny woman with an appetite like a horse. She sits next to me and a couple of times a week I bring her a sweet treat…little bags of candy, jaw breakers, mints, etc…She is 27 and has 4 children ages 9 and under. She is friendly, positive, funny, and sincere. She has been married 4 times and keeps telling me how she just has trouble finding the right man.

There is a man, forty, divorced with one child. He lives with his parents and had a stroke two years ago and has been recovering since. He is still not 100% but works hard and wants to do well in life. He seeks me out and always wants me to check his homework. He is a nice guy....who is working hard on his life to pull it all together. He has a bad habit of using foul language around me and I jokingly correct him. It has gotten now when he uses a foul word, he immediately laughs then tells me he is sorry…he forgot I was in the room…he didn’t see me….it just slipped out. We always laugh and go on with what we were doing. He is a nice, respectful man.

What does all this have to do with anything I could be writing about? Well, I was telling my daughter, the other day, that I am concerned about these people. These kind, everyday, regular people lie heavy on my heart. I think of them, and many more good people just like them, and I feel a heaviness in my heart. Why?.... because they are really nice people, going honestly about their lives, trying day in and day out to do the right things. They live by a pretty good moral standard, they are good parents, good children.... BUT….good is not enough for eternal life. You see, they are not Christians. They have no relationship with Jesus. They don’t think they need Jesus. They don’t understand that even though they are good people, they still need to ask Jesus to be their Lord and Saviour to have eternal life. They don’t see that they need Christ in their hearts and master of their lives to gain eternity.
Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty....For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son, and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day." John 6:35,40

Oh, it is easy to show a drug abuser, or a postitute or a person behind locked doors and prison bars why they need to change their lives...why they need something better. But, the people that I am coming in contact with..."Me...I don't need help in my life. I'm a pretty good husband/wife, i'm a pretty good father/mother. I am good to my parents, have a life that runs smooth most of the time...and after all, you can't expect life to be perfect, can you?" How do we minister to this particular group of people and is it being done enough in our everyday lives? Do we and are we just accepting the fate of these everyday people? In our social concern for the homeless, the drug addict, the postitute have we forgotten the person who looks socially acceptable, who acts responsibly and seems to have their life together except for the fact that they are not christians? I know, in this life here on earth, that there is a joy, a peace, a sense of longing that can only come from our heavenly Father. No matter how well you think your life is going by your own power that it is no match to having the power of God with you. And then there is a life beyond, eternal life. A life either with or without the King of Kings for all eternity. "I have come that they might hve life and have it more abundantly." John 10:10. "Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the well of salvation." Isaiah 12:2-3

I have realized in the last three months that I have over looked this ministry. I have seen a homeless person standing on the street corner and quickly uttered a prayer for their salvation. I have seen a television special on drug addiction or postitution and that night have prayer for those in Satan's web. But, God is showing me that there are people sitting next to me in school, in line at the grocery store, in the seat next to me at the football game that need ministering to. They need to see, by our example, the peace that can only come from God being our Father. They need to see the joy in us that is only gained through Jesus living personally with and in us. And they need words of love and friendship and salvation that come from the Holy Spirit directing and leading us.

I am going to be faithful to pray for my new friends and I am also going to start praying in the morning that the Holy Spirit show me other invisible souls that need ministering to. My prayer, that God will lead me each day will have a new line to it..."Jesus, lead me to the souls that are not yet gained by you..that seem invisible to most because they blend in so much. Paint them, Lord for me to see with a big red heart. Use me, together and led by your Holy Spirit, to plant seeds of salvation in their hearts so that I can have a reunion again one day with them in your heavenly kingdom!" Amen..

Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertainted angels without knowing it. Hebrews 13:1-2

And Blessings There Were

I must confess that this story of my life over the last six months might be a touch boring to some of you. But for my husband and I, it has been a journey, a journey of God's love for us as His children, of His protection for us, His will for our lives, and a fullfillment of His promises to us. Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I that live, but Christ living in me: and that [life] which I now live in the flesh I live in faith, [the faith] which is in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself up for me.

So here we are, without a job, no money, we have put to bed all our contacts, and we have no idea what we are going to do. But God knows what we need.."Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need" Hebrews 4:16. We did approach the throne and we tried to approach it with confidence. I have found that approaching the throne is the most important...God will give us the confidence.

It was during this period of time that others stepped in and helped us out. Family not only helped us with our bills they also supported us mentally and spiritually...asking questions but then being positive and supportive of what we were doing and thinking. My parents and sisters were concerned but postive and encouraging. And it wasn't only family. An architect, that Russell had a long working relationship with, was due a check for work he had done. He turned the check over to us as a gift...an electricial engineer that had worked on many projects with Russell also turned the payment for a job he had done over to us to help keep us on our feet. And one day as we passed by a shopping center my husband spied a friend that he had worked with on several projects. My husband pulled over into the parking lot and got out of the car to say hello. My husband's ears were greeted with words that brought new HOPE...."Hey, Russ, where in the world have you been hiding!? I've been looking all over for you. We need you."

To shorten this some, he and another past client were forming a company and going to build a multi-hotel complex with stores and restaurants. Russell had already completed the site design in November, before he was let go from his job, so he was familar with the project. After several meetings, they decided that Russell would take on the job of site manager, something on the other end of what he was used to doing but definitely challenging and could be very good for his future.

Has something happened in your life that you just knew was not a coincidence? This was one of those somethings in our life. All the pieces fit together at just the right time, with the right people, and with circumstances that we just knew were from God. Yet, we lacked confidence...but again my family was right there. We were out at a birthday lunch for a family member and Russell sat next to Dad to talk to him and I was sitting next to Mom. As the guys were deep in their discussion, Mom inquired what was going on. I shared with her and also told her my concerns. How do I know if this was really the Lord or us just wanting to get back to work. She responded with a heartful of confidence, enough for all of us. She told me that the Lord didn't part the Red Sea until the Israelites stuck their toes in the water. She told me that "Faith" is stepping out and seeing what and where the Lord leads you. She reminded me that you can't walk through a closed door but when a door opens you need to walk through it whether you stay in that room and not. And a door had definitely been opened and we decided to enter into whatever was ahead. Thank you Lord for loving, supportive parents.

Russell started work as our journey continued. There was a company that Russell really wanted to be a part of. He put in an application with them that first week that he was told he was going to be out of work. He checked back with them about every three weeks. When he was hired in this new job he even took some of the plans to this company to get a second opinion on some issues. It was his hearts desire to work for this one company yet he was willing to do what God wanted him to do. And I prayed and prayed and prayed.

Remember how I told you earlier that Russell had gotten a little restless in what he had been doing. That he was wondering if the grass was a little greener on the other side of the fence. We thought that God had brought this job to us so that Russell would have a different direction to go in..a new direction using the skills and knowledge he already had...a chance to add more diversity to his already long list of talents. Again, God used this time to show us that our knowledge is so very, very limited in relationship to His plans for us!

As the days and weeks went by, Russell became more and more frustrated. He hated what he was doing. His relationship with the two men who owned the company was in good shape but everything about the job he was growing to dislike more and more each day. He was frustrated and his confidence and mental attitude was being to show under the strain of not working, then of getting a job with high hopes, only for him to dislike the job immensely. I tried to stay constant... praying with him and for him but also reminding him that there had to be a purpose in what God was doing.

He was at his lowest point...broken and ready for God's mercy when, by mutual agreement the project was put on hold. Russell parted ways with them, as friends, but really was somewhat relieved. Yet, somehow we were not concerned anymore. We were peaceful and my husband had lost all that restlessness I had seen in him. I could see the work that had been done in both of us and had come become strengthened and assured that God was going to do what He has promised us all...to care for us, to love us, to guide us, to provide for us.

One of the last tasks for Russell to do was to go to the company that was consulting on the hotel plans, pay them and get the report. Remember this is the company that he had been hounding for five long months...the dream job....the place he is sure has a future for him. Upon entering the vice-presidents office he is greeted with.."glad you are here! I have had a letter in my briefcase for three weeks now that I want to talk to you about. It is a proposal for you to come to work for us. I haven't had time to mail it, things had been crazy around here, but I was wondering how and if you left the other job how we could make that change come about." Oh, my God! And I don't mean that in a disrespectful manner. "He did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised." Romans 4:20-21.

God in his wisdom knew what we needed to be strengthened, to be stretched, to be brought closer to Him. He knew what was needed to bring us where we needed to be according to His plan. And he knew how to bring us there! Like the words he spoke to Abraham.."God himself will provide the lamb" Genesis 22:8, we have been brought to a deeper level of understanding that God's provision is true, wonderful, and good. We will be tested with trials but we, as His children, will also be blessed with unspeakable glory.

Russell started his dream job, May 22, 2006, and he is grateful, peaceful, humbled, and blessed. And the journey has one more part that has more to do about myself than it does with Russell. That will be in my next post. But, for now, know that I am writing this out of obedience to God...."Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples". 1 Chronicles 16: 12, 24. I am going to declare His glory, His blessings, His grace, His mercy, His love, and His works to all.....for to Him all glory and honor be given.

Amen!

Journey in Faith and Trust...part 2

Since this is part 2 let's jump right in especially since I can hardly wait to share with you...boy, have I missed this!!!

So, there we were without a job for the first time in 34 years and again on the front lines of "God, what do you want for our lives!" This is a place, that for us is not very comfortable...we find it hard to trust. Not that we don't believe...we do believe that God can and will take care of our every need but we get confused that we are not listening or following correctly so we agonize over everything.

So, for the first month or so Russell went to everyone that knew his name and asked for a job. At first, he was very positive and had alot of interviews. One thing that God revealed to us was what a great reputation Russell had. Over and over God showed us that the life Russell had led, being set apart from alot of what the world thinks business should be, had become a blessing in a well-though of reputation. But many great interviews and still no job offers! As each day passed, I became more and more convicted that this had alot more to do with a plan that God had for us and alot less with employment and paying bills. "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect...He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down and make me great. You broaden the path beneath me so that my ankles do not turn." Psalm 18:32, 34-36. Oh, yes...this was not just a bad break in life...God had a plan for us and for our future!

There is a story in 1 Samuel that tells about Saul's father Kisk asking Saul to go out and look for Kisk's lost donkeys. Saul takes a servant with him and out they go. After searching for three days and having no luck in finding his father's donkeys the servant suggests that they talk to Samuel, the great seer. Of course, going to see Samuel was all part of God's plan for Saul. The great prophet Samuel was expecting Saul and was waiting on him. Samuel had been told by God that Saul was the man that was going to be annointed as king. "I am the seer," Samuel replied. "Go up ahead of me to the high place, for today you are to eat with me, and in the morning I will let you go and will tell you all that is in your heart." 1 Samuel 9:19.

God was using the loss of the family's donkeys to bring Saul into his destiny. If it had not been important to Saul to find those donkeys he would have never gone to Samuel. As for us, we were motivated to seek God for our future because of the loss of something we valued...our livelihod. We were driven to seek God, knowing that we had a desire for something we could not get on our own. We knew we needed to seek God for direction, healing and provision.

Don't let me misled you...we are not the Billy Graham family! We are just regular people, thrown into one of those situations in which you realize how much you need God and how little you can do on your own. We did not spend our days smiling and talking about how great life is...we were not confident in our future and we had to keep repeating to ourselves and each other to "Trust God....HE WILL TAKE CARE OF US!" Most of the talks with our family (Mom and Dad) started out with a postive note,"Oh, we are fine...Russell had another interview today and it looked really good." and about halfway through it was, "We know God has something out there for us...I mean don't you think that too! I mean he does have something for us..I least we hope he has something for us...okay, yes, He has something for us don't you think?" As I said, we are not the Billy Graham family!!!

And we did pray...I would go with Russell to job interviews and sit in the car, on more than 1/2 dozen occasions for 3-4 hours... read my bible and pray. I was brought to the place that the only part I was able to play was encourager and prayer warrior. And pray I did...not that he would get one job or another but we had been brought to the place that I was able to pray that God would protect my husband and bring him the job that would glorify our King the most. Bring Russell the job that was the place that God wanted us in. In my heart I knew that it was be a long journey...that God had allowed this to happen to us for a reason and the job was going to come in His time, when the work He wanted to complete in us was finished. God had shown me that there was a restlessness in my husband...a big part of him was tied up and bound in always doing what was right for the family but Russell wanted to see what else there was for him in life...wasn't there something bigger, better, more exciting he could be doing with ten hours a day every day of the week? Yes, after 34 years of working he definetly wanted or so he thought something different.

Well, it seems this is going to turn into a novel....this is what happens when you don't write for three months. I guess I will stop here and Monday pick up with part 3. I have so much more that I think the Lord wants me to say...there I go again...am I sure I am hearing Him or it is just that I like to write? Does He want me to share all of this or it is just important to me because I lived it? You see what I mean...God wants me to share this journey and share is what I am going to do!!!

Peace to you all and have a wonderful weekend full of God's blessings...

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. Psalm 19:1-4

A Journey of Faith and Trust

Greetings to you all from the Here and After!!!

When I started writing about my "Here", my life that I loved and had only known it to be one way for about 20 years, and the "After", the part of life that was upon me but not what I wanted or loved or even knew anything about.....well, let me say this...I thought that was about the hardest journey I was going to be thrust into. I have felt for some time that I was wandering in the desert....trying to hear God's voice, trying to feel that there was a place for me in this life...that God had a purpose and a plan for me for the next 25-30 years but I was struggling.

As I wandered through this desert of mine, I found that there where many mothers who felt the same as I...felt a loss....felt old...used up...struggled with what is our purpose now! As I sit here writing this I still don't have many answers, mostly still questions and will continue to try to work through the questions while writing... but one thing I know for sure is that God continues to stretch us, to test us, to challenge us even when we think we don't have it in us, "And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. I Corth. 10:13

And stretch me he has! I have been gone for some months and I would like to share with you some of what has been happening in our little world..."We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened tha we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us , as you help us by our prayers. 2 Corinthians 1:8b-11a.

I will probably write about this on a few posts because there is so much to share...so much to witness to...so much of a testimony. Okay, here goes....my husband went to work the week of Christmas and was informed that his boss had decided that the engineering part of the business was tooo much stress on him so he was going to shut it down. First of all this is a man my husband has worked for on a part-time basis since 1994, then my husband left a twenty year career as a fireman in 2000 to work for this man full-time. My husband ran the engineering part of the business, never had any sort of problems on the job with his boss and we even thought we were somewhat friends. When my husband's boss married a Russian woman and they were away and needed a cat picked up from an airport 3 hours away and then cared for until they returned.. we were the ones that they asked the favor of. The four of us had been out together socially...dinner several times and even one night we went out line-dancing together.

His boss only had the highest of praise for my husband and frequently they would go to lunch and discuss clients, work, and the intimate details of the business. At one time this man even made my husband a vice-president on paper of one of his companies. The week this news of termination came up they had shared lunch together just days before, discussed future plans for the company and some big projects that my husband might pursue. Not one word of folding the business...not one single word. I might sound bitter but let me assure you I am not...I think really, really disillusioned is a much better word. Even with the termination there was alot of dishonesty...he told my husband that they would need to close out the projects being that my husband was the only one who knew what was going on. He gave my husband the impression that there would be work and a paycheck for about another month or so....after one week we were given a final two-week paycheck and asked to clean out the office. No severence pay...no time to look for another job....just a really hard taste of life to swallow at the New Year.

This might not sound like such bad news to some...maybe many of you have lost your jobs and gone on to bigger and better things. But for my husband, it was hard, real hard! He has worked since he was fourteen years old and had never been let go from his job. For him and alot of men, their work is their identity...helps them define how they are as a parent, a husband, a provider. He is also part of that generation that believes that if you work hard, are honest, and give the company your all you will be there forever and be rewarded in the end. I know that the world is changing in that..that people in their thirties do change jobs about every seven years...look for different opportunites and want to diversify...but they are of a different generation.

So, we started the new year without a job and our mental state was not very good. As the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months we tried not to despair but it was a daily battle. Why is it when we need God the most we seem to have such a hard time coming to Him!!There is one scripture I kept coming to "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect." 1 Corinthians 15:10 . I am..my husband and I both are...one of God's children, stained with sin, but washed clean with the self-sacrificing blood of Christ. We are far from perfect...sometimes we stumble, sometimes we roll....like we fell from the top of the hill...rolling, rolling, rolling...unable to stop and by our own strength, pick ourselves up. That, I have found is when God reaches out his strong, wide, loving hands and sweeps us up in mid-roll...dusts us off and sets us back on our feet on sturdy, level ground! It is only by HIS GRACE and NOT WITHOUT EFFECT that when we are weak He gives us strength.

There is so much I want to share....so much God has shown me..so much protection, so many lessons learned, so much love that has been shared with us. I want to put down in writing the testimony that this journey has brought to us and as the scriptures tell us.."I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong--that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith". Romans 1:11-12.

I want to thank you for your e-mails, your prayers and for showing your love for me....there are times when we are unable to share all but you have shown real christian love. Not knowing what was going on but e-mailing, checking in, sending messages all shows your deep love and committment for the circumstances of others. There is no possible way for me to express how very much it has meant....how comforting it has been and it was a testimony to us that there are people in life that really care about us and our life...Thank you from the deepest part of my heart and soul.

And don't despair....Colette will be back tomorrow with Part 2 of "The Here and After's" Journey in Faith and Trust....after all isn't that what life is!!!!

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:15-16

Cartoon versus reality

On my screen saver I have Pepe Le Pew. At this age, I know I should be a little more sophisicated but I love Pepe Le Pew. The artist in me loves the contrast of black and white....the mother in me recognizes the mischievous but yet innocent look on his face ( kind of like my children at certain ages in their lives)...the child in me laughs at his antics (and the fact that he gets away with them)...the adventurer in me dreams of far-away people in far-away places when he speaks with the foreign and mysterious accent that he has been given....and yes, the romantic in me blushes every time he amorously pursues the unattainable (not sure that's a word but you get the point).

Hang in there with me...I know at this point you are thinking that I don't have enough to do...that I need to get a life...and "how old is this woman!?". After all, you have read this far so maybe I have hooked you! When I was sitting at the desk with the computer on, and was gazing into the face of good old Pepe, this came to me......

All the things in the first paragraph are feelings and there is another side...take a REAL skunk...their coloring might look great but, the fact of the matter is that, they can emit a horrible foul smell that clings to you for almost life, or seems like it, if you have ever been sprayed by one. Just passing by their road kill can cause me to gag and turns my stomach for miles. They are also pesky... skunks dig holes in lawns and golf courses, eat your garden produce, prey on poultry and waterfowl, damage beehives, den under buildings,and are a host for rabies. That sure ain't my dreamland Pepe. Okay, so we are having an animal lesson. No....(but the homeschooling teacher is never far away)!

It came to me that this funny, amorous, cutie-pie of a skunk can be alot like sin! This being the beginning of Lent and all, I have been thinking about looking real deep into my heart and also examining my motives. Sin can be alot like how I see good old Pepe Le Pew. We can turn from the reality of sin, we can look cock-eyed at sin, we can pretend that what we are doing, even if we know it is sin, is really something different. Kind of like I look at the cartoon version of Pepe instead of looking at the real animal a skunk is.

There might be sin in our lives that we think is not hurting anyone....like looking at a skunk and calling him "sooo cute" when he is really running around with rabies and rabies is no prize! Or there could be sin in our lives that is keeping us from bearing fruit...just like that presky skunk that is in our garden eating all the vegetables. We want to produce a garden full of wonderful fruit. We do not want the fruit to be eaten away by sin. What about the sin that preys on our relationships...our children, spouses, family and friends!? There is our cartoon, we can fool ourselves and say we are just being bold, suave, aggressive...but is that sin like that old skunk, lying in wait to prey on waterfowl and poultry. Or maybe there is sin in our lives that is pushed down deep within us and has made a home for itself, moved in and become comfortable. We are pretty comfortable with Pepe and his amorous pursuits but maybe there is sin in us like a real skunk that has burrowed in us and has made a den for himself....settled in, taken over a part of our hearts.

These are the ways sin can look different from the reality....just like the cartoon versus the real life animal. So during these next forty days, take a good look...look hard and deep. Pray and most of all listen. Listen for the Lord to reveal to you the sin that needs to be outrooted, exposed, uncovered to be what it is and then repent and turn from it. This Lent, let's uncover the reality of the sin in our life....then we can look at Pepe and see him for what he is ...just one really cute, funny and amorous cartoon character and just that!

Prayer is needed!

We need to be joined in prayer....my parents are in Washington State visiting my aunt when they received word from another aunt that my cousin had been taken to a hospital in Vancover, B.C. She had been struggling with a severe headache. Through the night before last, at the hospital, they could not get the headache under control. They did a MRI and discovered a brain anorysm. I opened my mail this morning and the following was sent 1am west coast time:

Dear Ones,
Just found out that they are operating Lila at this time. Understand the report is that she has a 20% chance of survival from the operation. The doctor says that it is the largest brain anorysm that they have ever seen in that hospital in Vancover. The doctor also said that if she does survive that there is a 50% chance that she will live over 2 weeks. Please pray!
Love, Dad

My cousin needs prayer and now. Please pass this on...will update when I get info. Thank you for joining me in prayer and being a part of my family in Christ Jesus!
Colette

That six letter word!...

The definition in my Christian dictionary of humble is this: "Not proud or haughty; having or showing a modest estimate of one's own importance". A word with just six little letters but a character trait that is so hard to gain. The opposite of humble is proud...and I think, we as humans, are born with some pride in some area of our lives. I know that because of pride God has had to humble me and let me tell you...it ain't pretty!

My husband and I use to get tickets for "Duck Unlimited" dinners. The organization promotes the wood duck and it is usually a "guy's" thing. They have a bar with your usual "Hooters" girls serving the drinks, a buffet with fried quail, BIG steamed shrimp, and usually some big roasted hog laid out in the middle of the table. And then there is the auction...shotguns, outdoor signed prints of ducks and deer and BIG fish, more guns, wilderness trips to hunt some kind of fowl or four legged creature, more guns, and the big prize...the newest four wheeler on the market. Anyway, we always get tickets and go for business reasons. One of my husband's biggest clients is the president and there are many engineers, contractors, DOT management men there. Alot of people to see and alot of being seen for my husband. My husband always takes me even though (other than the Hooter's girls) there are not many women. He has always seen it as an opportunity for a night out for us and I do enjoy it. I know alot of the men and know a good bit about the projects my husband works on. So, after going a few times....yes, I got a little proud...proud you say! Oh, yes, it was fun for me to be arm candy for the night and show those Hooter girls a little class! That was my mistake...you see, no one would have ever guessed I felt that way...pride can be an easy thing to hide...but boy, it had welled up in me. This particular Thursday, that night being our dinner, I bought some really cool white designer slacks, a white silk blouse, and headed for my stylist. She was going to give me some blonde highlights, give me a cut and then fix my hair and all in time to meet up with my hubby. I wore my designer outfit....I would have no time to go home. Proud, oh yea, when I walked into the room they where going to know I had arrived! Well, I did turn heads, everyone knew I arrived but not in the way my pride and vanity wanted. You see, my stylist (who is no longer my stylist) made a boo-boo on my hair. My whole head came out white...yes, white. I had to go there. My husband was waiting with two other couples and there was no way to contact him. So, when I walked through the doors that night for dinner, I turned heads, people talked about me, I made an impression.....but not because I looked so sophisticated, not because I looked like I had class, not because of any of the reasons my pride had been setting me up for. They noticed me because I looked like one huge marshmallow! And I mean, one BIG WHITE MARSHMALLOW! The last thing I had earlier that day was a "modest estimate of my importance" but boy, did that put me in my place. I was humbled!

How many of you like the picture on your driver's license? In the past, I thought my pictures were all pretty good up until the dreadful picture of 2001. I had become very self -conscious about having my picture taken. I was going through that "getting old" phase and I had gained some weight and it seemed to me that, in most pictures, my head was the size of a balloon, my eyes the size of LeSeur tiny peas and wrinkles that looked like the San Andeas fault. But, this was the year I had to renew my license and that meant getting my picture taken. When it came time to stand in the little red box and look at the camera....well, let's say it was beyond the worse picture I have ever taken. I cocked my head to one side, squinted, but at the same time rolled my eyes almost into the back of my head and did something really weird with my mouth. I don't think what I did could be classified as a smile...it kind of looked like a snarl with my mouth opened. Let's put it this way...when I showed it to my husband he looked at it and told me he willing to pay WHATEVER it cost and get the picture redone. It became such a joke within my family that every time we would go to Wal-Mart or Target and someone would ask to see my license when writing a check they would stand behind me and shake their heads to the checkout person like they were giving the person a warning. Once in a while they would actually say "Oh, you don't really want her to show you that!" It was all in fun...the fact being that I had "exalted myself"...age wasn't going to show on me...I had been a model in my younger days and I was always going to be able to look good...I was hiding pride....I was prideful of the way I looked and every time I had to pull out that driver's license I was brought to a place where I had to "have a modest estimate of my own importance". Yes, I was humbled over and over and over!

There are many more....things that happen in life to make you realize that you are "not as important" as you think you are. All of us have been there and felt that! And, yes, I have been humbled and then had to examine my own motives, my own desires, my own private thoughts. I have had to swallow my pride, recognize why I did what I did, repent and then try to put it behind me. Some of the time that has been easy, other times not so easy, especially when it involves other people and you have to "show your face again", those times when my humbling is more public than private.

But go on I do and with a changed heart. My goal and aim to do as it imstructs us in Ephesians 4:2, "Be completely humble and gentle". When I loose my way and start thinking like the world would have me think, my Father gently stands with me while I learn my lesson and then He is there with loving arms to welcome me back. He continually reminds me that by the world's standards I might be lowly, and unimportant...I might not be the most liked or the smartest. But, by His standards I was hand picked...I was made just as I should have been and that I am so important in the heavenly realm that death came upon my Father so that I might live....mistakes and all.

Today, with ashes on my forehead I am humbled...I am humbled because with all my failures..with all my imperfections...with stubborness and willfullness I have a Father who loves me anyway. Today, this humbling I am rejoicing in...a word with six sweet letters.

And what does the Lord require of me? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with my God. Micah 6:8