My Adonai

Friday I had my final exams for this quarter. It has been a hard quarter and I knew that I had been getting way too stresed out during the last couple tests. It didn't seem to matter how much I studied, when I sat for the tests something always happened to throw me into confusion. Actually, confusion comes easily nowadays....I have found that in school, for me, I need to work at a slower pace than some of my younger classmates. I need to get to school early, get my workspace set-up and organized, and need to "get my bearings". I need to get into a rhythm and if that rhythm is disturbed it takes a few minutes to regroup. For instance, during one test we had a tornado drill, which upon returning to the classroom I really struggled to get back on track and was really stressed out!

I have tried to adapt but you know the saying..."It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks". That more or less sums it up for me! The most frustrating thing for me is that in getting stressed out I take my eyes off my Father. I don't like that feeling, the feeling that I am sinking and am all alone. I am not alone but by forgetting to pray, forgetting to call on my Lord, forgetting to have faith and not take this soooo seriously I am not forcing the one who matters the most right out of the loop.

On Friday I took off for school to take my exams. I had studied all I could but in the back of my mind I was still a little unsettled. One thing I try to do is pray on the way to school. I had my favorite christian radio station playing and was lifting up my family. It was then that the Holy Spirit started to take over. I started praying that the Lord would be my hand and take hold of my pencil. I prayed that my test scores would be what He wanted for me for His purpose. It was at this point that a wonderful song started to play. "Adonai...I lift my eyes and cry 'My Adonai' ". As I began to sing with the song I could feel a total release...I could feel my complete surrender. I could actually feel the Lord taking over and I knew He was going to be my hand and that during my exams we would be one. Tears started to flow and I knew that I had really, really given myself over to my Father. I knew that He was going to be in control and that whatever my scores ended up being, it was going to be what he wanted for me... pass or fail! And I really mean that. I knew that if there was a reason...maybe a humbling, maybe so I would come to him more, maybe to help me let go...whatever His reasons I was not going to be performing under confusion....I was going to be perform by the hands of my Master.

During my exams I felt a peace...I was calm and my mind was clear. But most of all was that perfect peace that I felt felt as my hand skimmed the pages answering each and every question almost without reading them. There were not eraser marks and I didn't look at the clock once. What an awesome experience! This is not the first time that I have surrendered myself....it showed me I need to do it much more often. It needs to be my first thought, not my last desperate attempt. I need to stop trying to do everything on my own power and call on His power at the beginning, not at the end.

I just wanted to this with all of you....maybe you are like me and get caught up in the world's way of doing business. If so, get in your prayer closet and ask our Father to do a mighty work in you. Ask him to help you remember to come to him first, not last. Ask him to help you to truly feel his presence. Ask him to help you to surrender yourself totally to him. We know he has the power....we know he is ready and waiting....we know that he answers our prayers and his arms are open waiting for us to ask. We know He is our Father and is willing and waiting on us to come to HIM!

And one last note.....I made a 100% on one of my exams and a high B on the other. That gave me a 98% in one class and 96% in the other class....a 4.0 average. That God!...he really knows what he is doing!

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth dervies its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19