Knowing our Hearts

My husband and I were wandering aimlessly around Kohl’s a couple of weekends ago. The kids were out doing their own thing and we decided to look for a couple of items we needed in this fairly new shopping center. It houses a Kohl’s, Target, Ross, and a Marshall’s. We knew that it being a Friday night that the kids weren’t going to come in until midnight or after so we were not in any hurry. We found the items we needed after leisurely visiting every department. When we realized the store was going to close in a few minutes we made our way to the checkout counter. The aisle we chose had a young woman managing it. Next to her was a young man and he had a problem at his register and kept asking her for instructions. The young woman wasn’t very helpful to the young man….she kept putting him off, first ignoring his questions, then telling him to call someone else.

My husband was in a very good mood especially considering the fact that we had been in stores all evening. And when my husband is in the kind of mood he was in on this night no good can come of it. Let me clue you in on my husband…he likes to stir the pot and then stands back to see what happens! It’s genetic. His dad was like that and so are his brothers and uncles. After 29 years of retraining, I hate to say I have made no headway in changing this behavior. I always feel guilty that when he starts being mischievous that we give others the wrong opinion of us. But he just sees it as funny so I have decided it is best to just try to act like I don’t know him when he start to stir the pot!

Anyway, when the woman at the register started rolling her eyes as the young man questioned her I knew the “bowl was out with the handle of the spoon turned my husband’s direction”. In a low voice he started by telling her the man was talking to her…she answered she knew. Then he went on….”I think he really likes you. Why won’t you answer him. He knows what he is doing he just wants you to speak to him. Hey, I think he might want to see you after the store closes. Yea, that’s what he’s leading up to. Just give him a little attention…he seems like he is really interested in you.”

The mind is a funny thing. The more my husband talked the more she seemed to question herself. She finally asked my husband if he really thought the young man might be interested in her. Boy, he was on a roll now. How would he know!!! He is just a middle aged husband with nothing to do on a Friday night. But he had hooked her! As I was writing a check for our purchases he noticeably looked at his wrist like he was looking at his watch. He doesn’t wear a watch. Then he leaned over to me, like he was going to whisper something to me, but definitely loud enough so all could hear. He said, ”Hey, it’s getting late. Hurry up with that check….I need to get you home before your husband gets off work!” The young woman immediately looked up at me and with a look of concern said, “Oh, I thought he was your husband! He’s not your husband?!” While I am telling the woman that he is indeed my husband, he is just pulling her leg, he is standing at the end of the counter making hand gestures like I am not telling the truth. There was a couple behind us and they got to laughing, it was kind of curious what you can do to the mind. The checkout woman really didn’t believe my protest, I think she believed my husband which didn’t set well with me and my husband thought all this was pretty funny….why, I don’t have a clue!

That night, as I was saying my prayers, I got to thinking about this little exchange. For me, it is important that my actions show the love I have for my Savior. In my life, I believe that it is not always talk…a lot of the time it is actions that bring the light of Christ to others. Little things in life like being patient, considerate, polite, forgiving. To me whenever I leave my house I have a chance to evangelize whether through a friendship, conversation or my actions. Well, our collective actions that night certainly didn’t bring any part of Christ to anyone. Oh, I am not upset or put out with my husband…men are different from women and so is their sense of humor. He was just being light hearted, joking with me and that young checkout woman. And in telling this story to some of my friends, I have discovered that many of them have husbands that have done similar things to them. After nearly thirty years with my husband and his genetic faults, I know he doesn’t mean any harm, it is just his way of picking at me. Again, men are different from women and I try not to spend too much time trying to figure it out.

But, during my prayers that night what did come to mind was how many times I have not shown my love for Christ through my actions or conversation. It came to mind how many times I have been obstinate, rude, stubborn, self-righteous, and rude. What came to mind was how many times I could have been more patient, or kinder. What came to mind was the times I could have offered an encouraging word or just kept my mouth shut and didn’t. How about the times I have argued just because I wanted to be right and wanted to show someone else how wrong they were? I think there are more times than I want to remember that I have failed to shine the light of Christ to others.

Oh, this wasn’t a prayer time filled with condemnation…oh, no just the opposite. God flooded my heart and mind with gratitude for his unconditional love! He reminded me that in this life, by people, we are judged by what someone sees or hears but with Him we are judged by what is in our hearts. Unlike the world, he sees what motivates me, what is really happening inside of me, how hard I am really trying and how sincere I really am! His promises of his love for me, no matter what attitude or struggle I had that day or that week or even that year, rolled through my mind. The lessons I have learned about his love for me from all the years of studying His word came to mind. His assurance that nothing could separate me from his love…the reassurance that he gave his life for me so that I could fail in this life and still be loved by Him caused me to tear up. As I started to repent for getting caught up in this life and letting my eyes wander off of him, I felt a renewed assurance that no matter how many mistakes I make, no matter how I struggle to change the things in me that are not pleasing to Him He loves me and will always love me. Just as I know the heart of my husband, my Father knows my heart and loves me, stands beside me, and is patient with me. How grateful I am that in my father’s eyes I am judged differently than in the eyes of people. That one mistake, error in judgment or sin that can cause the world to judge you and judge you harshly is understood or forgiven by my Lord. What an awesome kind of love He gives us!

So, I will continue to go forward, to work hard on living the way Christ wants me to, to be his disciple and bring his love to others. And because of His love and forgiveness I will come to his arms to feel his forgiveness when I fall short. As far as my husband goes…I will continue to try to rework those genetic flaws…or maybe just let him have his fun. He has a Savior that sees his heart too!

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,”, says the Lord, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10