EVERY SINGLE MORNING!

One thing I struggled with during the weeks following my daughter accident was fear and anxiety. In my head I knew God had covered her in his protection during the actual minutes of impact and even in the minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months that followed. In my head I knew God was in control and protecting us but it was harder to hold that in my heart. I believe, though, that because of the stress, the lack of sleep, the nursing that had to be done, plus the duties that come along with being a student and a mother I was weakened to the attacks of Satan. I was at my most venerable....an open door for him to walk through.

Satan knew that door had been opened and he boldly marched right in. The fear, the anxiety, the condemnation came on slowly...at first it seemed like I was holding it all together rather well. But little by little I became overwhelmed with one terrible thought...we have used up our one "get out of jail free" card...this is our one big miracle...what will we do in the future? As she lay on the couch coughing and running a fever I could only sit quietly trying to fight the condemnation that would consume me. Looking at her swollen, bruised, ash-colored foot I would feel so panicked I would feel sick to my stomach. When her foot would go numb and turn purple I would not be able to breathe little less pray or think logically. As she hung over the toilet throwing up I would feel so helpless that it was hard to be in the same room with her.

You might be thinking "and this woman is a christian? Why didn't she pray?" Oh, I prayed, and prayed, and prayed. I fought Satan, I denounced Satan, I, in the name of Jesus, commanded him to stop speaking to me. I called on the name of Jesus, I cried out to my God, and I begged for his help.

Yet, this one evening, I knew there was not much fight left in me...I was tired, discouraged, overwhelmed, and I felt very alone. My daughter asked me if I would drive her into town to get watermelons painted on her toenails. I gladly agreed, knowing that after all she had been through this would be good therapy and I was also just glad to see her wanting to get out. As we drove along one of the major highways she said, "Mom, I'm a little worried. I can't feel my toes, my foot has been a funny color and there has been a big lump below my knee. You do think everything alright don't you?" All I could do was smile a fake, pretend smile and respond with a "I'm sure everything is alright but Monday we will call the doctor". Inside I thought I was going to be sick...I was clutching the steering wheel, I felt everything spinning, my chest was hurting, I couldn't concentrate on the highway, in fact, I don't know how I made it to the Nail Salon.

That was my low point...the lowest! When we parked the car my daughter invited me inside to sit with her but I asked to use her cell phone and chose to sit in the car. After some hysterical tears I called one of my big sisters. God really used her that terrible evening...she didn't say anything that I didn't already know or that I hadn't heard before but she keep me from going over the edge. She remind me of the stress that I had been under, that I was human, that all the things in my mind was really an attack from Satan, and that God really was right there with me. Thank you my big sis and thank you Lord for giving me a sister that loves you so much.

After our conversation that evening, and for days after that, the Lord kept bringing to me the scripture that states that His mercies are new every morning. I have known that scripture all my life but on that evening, and in the days that followed, he taught me that scripture. I was speaking with a friend and she said that every morning his mercy is like a whole, new, fresh harvest. I love my gardenia bushes and in the summer I love to go out every day there are flowers on the bush and pick a whole apron full to put throughout my home. That is like His mercies. His gardenia bush of mercies blooms to the fullest every...EVERY single morning for me, for my children, for my husband, for my family....for all of his children. Our God is a God that never runs out of gardenias...never runs out of mercy for us. With God it is not a game that is played...we land on the right spot and we receive the "get out of jail free" card...oh, no with our Lord's great love we are not consumed, he is steadfast, his compassion never fails. His mercies are never ending and his compassion is greater than any trial, any hardship, any doubt, and yes, even any attack from the enemy.

The devil hit me and hit me hard for weeks. But he didn't prevail....GOD DID! God has strengthened me, protected me, loved me, fought for me, and taught me. He has freshened an old scripture for me...it didn't come easy and it didn't come fast but it is definitely a valuable lesson. This lesson I will hold onto for a very long time!

"It is of the Lord's great mercies that we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22