A Journey of Faith and Trust

Greetings to you all from the Here and After!!!

When I started writing about my "Here", my life that I loved and had only known it to be one way for about 20 years, and the "After", the part of life that was upon me but not what I wanted or loved or even knew anything about.....well, let me say this...I thought that was about the hardest journey I was going to be thrust into. I have felt for some time that I was wandering in the desert....trying to hear God's voice, trying to feel that there was a place for me in this life...that God had a purpose and a plan for me for the next 25-30 years but I was struggling.

As I wandered through this desert of mine, I found that there where many mothers who felt the same as I...felt a loss....felt old...used up...struggled with what is our purpose now! As I sit here writing this I still don't have many answers, mostly still questions and will continue to try to work through the questions while writing... but one thing I know for sure is that God continues to stretch us, to test us, to challenge us even when we think we don't have it in us, "And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. I Corth. 10:13

And stretch me he has! I have been gone for some months and I would like to share with you some of what has been happening in our little world..."We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened tha we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us , as you help us by our prayers. 2 Corinthians 1:8b-11a.

I will probably write about this on a few posts because there is so much to share...so much to witness to...so much of a testimony. Okay, here goes....my husband went to work the week of Christmas and was informed that his boss had decided that the engineering part of the business was tooo much stress on him so he was going to shut it down. First of all this is a man my husband has worked for on a part-time basis since 1994, then my husband left a twenty year career as a fireman in 2000 to work for this man full-time. My husband ran the engineering part of the business, never had any sort of problems on the job with his boss and we even thought we were somewhat friends. When my husband's boss married a Russian woman and they were away and needed a cat picked up from an airport 3 hours away and then cared for until they returned.. we were the ones that they asked the favor of. The four of us had been out together socially...dinner several times and even one night we went out line-dancing together.

His boss only had the highest of praise for my husband and frequently they would go to lunch and discuss clients, work, and the intimate details of the business. At one time this man even made my husband a vice-president on paper of one of his companies. The week this news of termination came up they had shared lunch together just days before, discussed future plans for the company and some big projects that my husband might pursue. Not one word of folding the business...not one single word. I might sound bitter but let me assure you I am not...I think really, really disillusioned is a much better word. Even with the termination there was alot of dishonesty...he told my husband that they would need to close out the projects being that my husband was the only one who knew what was going on. He gave my husband the impression that there would be work and a paycheck for about another month or so....after one week we were given a final two-week paycheck and asked to clean out the office. No severence pay...no time to look for another job....just a really hard taste of life to swallow at the New Year.

This might not sound like such bad news to some...maybe many of you have lost your jobs and gone on to bigger and better things. But for my husband, it was hard, real hard! He has worked since he was fourteen years old and had never been let go from his job. For him and alot of men, their work is their identity...helps them define how they are as a parent, a husband, a provider. He is also part of that generation that believes that if you work hard, are honest, and give the company your all you will be there forever and be rewarded in the end. I know that the world is changing in that..that people in their thirties do change jobs about every seven years...look for different opportunites and want to diversify...but they are of a different generation.

So, we started the new year without a job and our mental state was not very good. As the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months we tried not to despair but it was a daily battle. Why is it when we need God the most we seem to have such a hard time coming to Him!!There is one scripture I kept coming to "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect." 1 Corinthians 15:10 . I am..my husband and I both are...one of God's children, stained with sin, but washed clean with the self-sacrificing blood of Christ. We are far from perfect...sometimes we stumble, sometimes we roll....like we fell from the top of the hill...rolling, rolling, rolling...unable to stop and by our own strength, pick ourselves up. That, I have found is when God reaches out his strong, wide, loving hands and sweeps us up in mid-roll...dusts us off and sets us back on our feet on sturdy, level ground! It is only by HIS GRACE and NOT WITHOUT EFFECT that when we are weak He gives us strength.

There is so much I want to share....so much God has shown me..so much protection, so many lessons learned, so much love that has been shared with us. I want to put down in writing the testimony that this journey has brought to us and as the scriptures tell us.."I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong--that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith". Romans 1:11-12.

I want to thank you for your e-mails, your prayers and for showing your love for me....there are times when we are unable to share all but you have shown real christian love. Not knowing what was going on but e-mailing, checking in, sending messages all shows your deep love and committment for the circumstances of others. There is no possible way for me to express how very much it has meant....how comforting it has been and it was a testimony to us that there are people in life that really care about us and our life...Thank you from the deepest part of my heart and soul.

And don't despair....Colette will be back tomorrow with Part 2 of "The Here and After's" Journey in Faith and Trust....after all isn't that what life is!!!!

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:15-16