During the Lenten season at church we sing a response that asks "My God, my God why have you abandon me?" Of course, we know that God has done everything for us BUT abandon us.
Though for a few minutes last night I lost it and sure felt abandon. My husband and I were sitting in church and sometime into the mass I happen to notice that there was a notice in the bulletin that upset me. The bulletin stated that one of my favorite people, Sister Bernadette, was leaving. Why was that so upsetting? Sister is my strength, my security, my mentor. During every hard time in my adult life Sister has been there for myself and also my family. When my mother-in-law had to have an emergency procedure, there was Sister. When my mother-in-law died, there was Sister. When my father-in-law was struggling, there was Sister. The same when my father-in-law died...there she was. During the months of Amanda's accident that tested me to the core...who was there..Sister! We turned to Sister when we needed help when my son got engaged and again when Amanda and I were in rehab and home in a hospital bed. Sister was there with a hug, with encouragement, always with communion for us. In fact, Sister was there, along with my mother and sisters when Amanda took her first steps in rehab. My holy Sister Bernadette was there for both my children's first communions and always around as they grew up...she just has always been there with us and for us. Oh God, the last two years have been full of great trials..why are you putting us through one more change? Why are you taking my special friend and Sister from me? I felt alone and abandoned by God.
My dear sweet Sister is loving, giving, dedicated. She is a very tiny woman, with a soft, but assured way of speaking. But every inch of that small frame and soft manner is wholly and humbly dedicated to God our Father and bringing that to others. She gives tirelessly and will not stop at anything to bring comfort to those that need it. She is selfless and don't even try to get her to speak about herself...she is not interested in talking about herself only others.
After church we were able to talk with her and thank you Jesus!...she is not leaving. She won't be working with the sick and shut-ins any more for our church instead she will be working at Catholic Social Services in town. She probably though I was having some kind of breakdown because I hugged her so tight and couldn't stop crying. She knew...she knew. She reassured me and told me this was her home and she wasn't going anywhere! My God, my God...why do we doubt? And not just because Sister Bernadette is staying here but because after all we have been through I know that God would have helped me make one more adjustment. After all we have been through, I know God loves me and will ALWAYS take care of me..."Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5. I know after the events of the last two years that my God loves me beyond measure and even when times are hard he is right there with me ready to minister to my every need. Oh God, my God you will never abandon me!
Thank you dear Sister Bernadette for being Christ in this world and being such a big part of our lives and the lives of so many more.
"Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13: 1-2
"For he who touches you touches the apple of his eye." Zechariah 2:8
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
S Joy!
There are many types of JOY that i'm sure you have experienced. What comes to my mind is probably the same as what comes to your mind. There is the joy of love, the joy of graduating, the joy of birth, the joy of discovering new places and traveling, there is the joy of an expensive gift, the joy of a new home, and the list goes on!
The Lord spoke to me this weekend about a special joy...SIMPLE JOY! How many of us have the honor and priviledge of experiencing plain old simple joy? I have and I do and the Lord would like all of us to experience this gift He brings to us. Simple joy is just that. It is that same joy you feel when something big and important happens but simple joy can come along with the things in life that don't have alot of fanfare, glitz, drama. This kind of joy comes from being happy in life and with life. It is a joy that acknowleges that every minute of every day is a gift...a gift from the Father to us. Simply joy comes from being able to slow down and experience what is important in this life. It is a joy that comes from recognizing that ALL things come from our Lord and that we are not the masters of this world but that God is in control of all things.
Simple joy is excitement upon seeing the first hummingbird at the feeder in the spring, making popcorn for family TV night, getting or giving a hug from or to someone, singing 70's tunes with your children, digging the weeds out of the garden, people watching while eating an ice cream cone on Main Street, listening to the purrs of your kitten. These are some of the simple joys in life.
I am blessed with experiencing the hand of God upon myself and my family. I am honored and privileged that my Saviour has heaped so many blessings upon me and my family. I want to see God's majesty around me and not be too busy and let it pass by me. And I thank my Lord and Father that each and every day he has opened my heart to simple joys!
"I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well feed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Phillipians 4:11-13"
I am blessed with SIMPLE JOY!
The Lord spoke to me this weekend about a special joy...SIMPLE JOY! How many of us have the honor and priviledge of experiencing plain old simple joy? I have and I do and the Lord would like all of us to experience this gift He brings to us. Simple joy is just that. It is that same joy you feel when something big and important happens but simple joy can come along with the things in life that don't have alot of fanfare, glitz, drama. This kind of joy comes from being happy in life and with life. It is a joy that acknowleges that every minute of every day is a gift...a gift from the Father to us. Simply joy comes from being able to slow down and experience what is important in this life. It is a joy that comes from recognizing that ALL things come from our Lord and that we are not the masters of this world but that God is in control of all things.
Simple joy is excitement upon seeing the first hummingbird at the feeder in the spring, making popcorn for family TV night, getting or giving a hug from or to someone, singing 70's tunes with your children, digging the weeds out of the garden, people watching while eating an ice cream cone on Main Street, listening to the purrs of your kitten. These are some of the simple joys in life.
I am blessed with experiencing the hand of God upon myself and my family. I am honored and privileged that my Saviour has heaped so many blessings upon me and my family. I want to see God's majesty around me and not be too busy and let it pass by me. And I thank my Lord and Father that each and every day he has opened my heart to simple joys!
"I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well feed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Phillipians 4:11-13"
I am blessed with SIMPLE JOY!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Two or more at Lent
I have noticed that many, as in people, are writing insightful pieces having to do with prayer and Lent. In the past, I have always tried to put together a plan to pray, fast, and hopefuly enter the Easter season closer to God and with a little more spiritual growth than the last year. And I, like most of you, have struggled with the praying, fasting and reflecting. Over the course of my adult life, I have read many articles in books, blogs, church bulletins and newsletters that have all sorts of great thoughts and approaches to having deeper and more committed prayer time. And I, like most of you, have struggled with finding time (and being able to concentrate) on my prayers. And, even with the best intentions, Friday after Friday seem to spring up on me and I haven't done a whole lot of meaningful prayer.
I don't have any insightful thoughts or mind-altering tidbits...I just have some testimony from the past couple years. If you don't know already the past three years have been altering for me. My daughter was hit head-on by a pickup truck in the spring of 2007. They fire dept. had to cut her out of her car with the jaw-of-life. She suffered a major bone break in her foot..her foot will always hamper her. Three months later, she was taken into emergence surgery for some tumor like growths that caused her ovaries to twist. She was experiencing pain and nausea since the accident so the doctors misdiagnosed her, changing her medications and such, thus missing these fast growing tumors until they had become life threatening. Then six months later, she was in an accident on a country road, late at night, and thrown from a big truck. A deer ran out in front her boyfriend's pick-up truck and he lost control. She was thrown from the truck, covered in a six-foot ditch by trees, had to be helicoptered to a trauma hospital, endured 7 + hours of surgery with nine teams of doctors, and wasn't expected to live. We spent months in the hospital, then rehab, then home and during this recovery my husband lost his job twice, of course losing health benefits. Oh, and did I tell you that around the same time as my daughter's first accident, I was having ALOT of migraines and due to that I burned up all the serotonin in my body. The result of that was a loss of energy, memory...mainly you can't function until you build back the serotonin..(you can read more on the post "Suffering but not Separated" March 19,2008). And how is all this related to Lent..to prayer?! I will tell you.
I had always tried to be faithful to having a personal prayer time in the mornings which was good. But, God showed me GREAT! Right after my daughter's first accident, a good friend started coming over to my house and we started praying TOGETHER. "Hear the supplications of your servant and of your people Israel when they pray.." 2 Chronicles
6:21. We would first talk about what prayer needs were on our hearts focusing on our children and husbands. Next, we would open our bibles and the Lord would show us a scripture. Then we would begin to pray...starting with acknowledgment of God's power and reign over us, moving into a time of thanking Him and recounting our blessings and following that with a time of confession. The last part was giving God our petitions. Here is the testimony...the walls of this house shook with the presence of our Almighty. "And when they had prayed, the place where they had gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak the word of God with boldness" Acts 4:31. It wasn't because of the lists of requests, it wasn't because of the order of prayer, it wasn't about the scripture, though all played a part. This house shook because there was more than one of us! Even though we had requests that we intended to bring to the Lord, when we started praying the Holy Spirit took over and spoke for us and through us. It was never my words that acknowledged the almighty power of God, it was the Holy Spirit through me. It was never my words that thanked my Father for all the blessings poured down upon me, it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me..speaking what was deep in my heart. The confessions were not me or my prayer partner, they were the Holy Spirit looking deep into my heart and bringing all into the light. And the requests...I stopped writing them down...the Holy Spirit knew what needed to be petitioned and those are the requests that tumbled from my lips. These prayer sessions were deep, powerful, real, and beyond me. "We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express". Romans 8:26
God made himself present to me and my partner in a life changing way. He built my faith, illuminate my failings, bathed me in forgiveness and poured out his mercy. I truly believe that the night my daughter lay fighting for life in that ditch, there was a spiritual war taking place. And due to the prayers that had been prayed by "TWO OR MORE" she is here today, walking, talking, working, playing, living life! Then again, last fall, another friend and I started doing the same..praying several times a week. Again, my house shook from top to bottom. At times, we would be praying over an hour and not even realize how much time had passed. We would weep and laugh, become bold and authoritative, pour out our hearts and hear the Lord give us words of direction, encouragement, and love. He showed us the power in "TWO OR MORE" gathered together to pray. During these months of prayer with a partner, I have seen so much happen in both our lives and seen much of God's power at work. God has shown me that there is something special in praying with someone. God has blessed my partners, the people we have prayed for, and myself.
So, maybe this Lent, you will call a sibling, a friend, a neighbor and step out together in prayer to see what new heights the Lord can stretch you to!
I don't have any insightful thoughts or mind-altering tidbits...I just have some testimony from the past couple years. If you don't know already the past three years have been altering for me. My daughter was hit head-on by a pickup truck in the spring of 2007. They fire dept. had to cut her out of her car with the jaw-of-life. She suffered a major bone break in her foot..her foot will always hamper her. Three months later, she was taken into emergence surgery for some tumor like growths that caused her ovaries to twist. She was experiencing pain and nausea since the accident so the doctors misdiagnosed her, changing her medications and such, thus missing these fast growing tumors until they had become life threatening. Then six months later, she was in an accident on a country road, late at night, and thrown from a big truck. A deer ran out in front her boyfriend's pick-up truck and he lost control. She was thrown from the truck, covered in a six-foot ditch by trees, had to be helicoptered to a trauma hospital, endured 7 + hours of surgery with nine teams of doctors, and wasn't expected to live. We spent months in the hospital, then rehab, then home and during this recovery my husband lost his job twice, of course losing health benefits. Oh, and did I tell you that around the same time as my daughter's first accident, I was having ALOT of migraines and due to that I burned up all the serotonin in my body. The result of that was a loss of energy, memory...mainly you can't function until you build back the serotonin..(you can read more on the post "Suffering but not Separated" March 19,2008). And how is all this related to Lent..to prayer?! I will tell you.
I had always tried to be faithful to having a personal prayer time in the mornings which was good. But, God showed me GREAT! Right after my daughter's first accident, a good friend started coming over to my house and we started praying TOGETHER. "Hear the supplications of your servant and of your people Israel when they pray.." 2 Chronicles
6:21. We would first talk about what prayer needs were on our hearts focusing on our children and husbands. Next, we would open our bibles and the Lord would show us a scripture. Then we would begin to pray...starting with acknowledgment of God's power and reign over us, moving into a time of thanking Him and recounting our blessings and following that with a time of confession. The last part was giving God our petitions. Here is the testimony...the walls of this house shook with the presence of our Almighty. "And when they had prayed, the place where they had gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak the word of God with boldness" Acts 4:31. It wasn't because of the lists of requests, it wasn't because of the order of prayer, it wasn't about the scripture, though all played a part. This house shook because there was more than one of us! Even though we had requests that we intended to bring to the Lord, when we started praying the Holy Spirit took over and spoke for us and through us. It was never my words that acknowledged the almighty power of God, it was the Holy Spirit through me. It was never my words that thanked my Father for all the blessings poured down upon me, it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me..speaking what was deep in my heart. The confessions were not me or my prayer partner, they were the Holy Spirit looking deep into my heart and bringing all into the light. And the requests...I stopped writing them down...the Holy Spirit knew what needed to be petitioned and those are the requests that tumbled from my lips. These prayer sessions were deep, powerful, real, and beyond me. "We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express". Romans 8:26God made himself present to me and my partner in a life changing way. He built my faith, illuminate my failings, bathed me in forgiveness and poured out his mercy. I truly believe that the night my daughter lay fighting for life in that ditch, there was a spiritual war taking place. And due to the prayers that had been prayed by "TWO OR MORE" she is here today, walking, talking, working, playing, living life! Then again, last fall, another friend and I started doing the same..praying several times a week. Again, my house shook from top to bottom. At times, we would be praying over an hour and not even realize how much time had passed. We would weep and laugh, become bold and authoritative, pour out our hearts and hear the Lord give us words of direction, encouragement, and love. He showed us the power in "TWO OR MORE" gathered together to pray. During these months of prayer with a partner, I have seen so much happen in both our lives and seen much of God's power at work. God has shown me that there is something special in praying with someone. God has blessed my partners, the people we have prayed for, and myself.
So, maybe this Lent, you will call a sibling, a friend, a neighbor and step out together in prayer to see what new heights the Lord can stretch you to!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Apart
My niece got married Saturday evening. It was a beautiful wedding and the bride was a vision to behold. And the groom...if he was any happier we would have had to tie him down so he didn't float away. Yet, for me the wedding was bittersweet. My darling niece is thirty years old and has lived in the same general area as I for all her life. She was my baby for 4 years before I had my first baby. I love her so much and feel like she is one of my own. But the young man she married lives in Florida, about 7 hours away.
When I went to give her a farewell hug, I was overcome with emotion. All I could do was quietly weep and hold her tight. I felt such a separation, such a loss. In the dark as we drove home I began to think about the love I have for this young woman in comparision to the love God has for me. How many times have I put distance between me and the one who loves me so very much? How must my Lord's heart break and how many tears has he shed? How many times have I traveled a journey away from my Lord and He had to suffer and endure the feeling of separation and loss from me, one of his children, when it wasn't necessary? If my Father loves me infinitly more than we can love, then when I choose not to be in tune with him how he must suffer. I am now sure my God weeps for me and wants to hold on tightly to me.
It is okay for my niece to start a new life in another town with the man God has called her to unite with...but it is not alright for me to move away from the presence and company of my Saviour. Every day, every hour, every minute I need to be one with the Lord...I need to have no distance, no separation between me and my father. I need him to hold me tight not for a goodbye but for now, today, tomorrow and forever! "But you, beloved, building yourself up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting anxiously for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to eternal life." Jude 1:21.
Thank you ,my darling, for bringing joy and love into my life. I am so proud of you and will pray for you (as I always have) and for that great new husband of yours.
When I went to give her a farewell hug, I was overcome with emotion. All I could do was quietly weep and hold her tight. I felt such a separation, such a loss. In the dark as we drove home I began to think about the love I have for this young woman in comparision to the love God has for me. How many times have I put distance between me and the one who loves me so very much? How must my Lord's heart break and how many tears has he shed? How many times have I traveled a journey away from my Lord and He had to suffer and endure the feeling of separation and loss from me, one of his children, when it wasn't necessary? If my Father loves me infinitly more than we can love, then when I choose not to be in tune with him how he must suffer. I am now sure my God weeps for me and wants to hold on tightly to me.
It is okay for my niece to start a new life in another town with the man God has called her to unite with...but it is not alright for me to move away from the presence and company of my Saviour. Every day, every hour, every minute I need to be one with the Lord...I need to have no distance, no separation between me and my father. I need him to hold me tight not for a goodbye but for now, today, tomorrow and forever! "But you, beloved, building yourself up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting anxiously for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to eternal life." Jude 1:21.
Thank you ,my darling, for bringing joy and love into my life. I am so proud of you and will pray for you (as I always have) and for that great new husband of yours.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Whiter than snow
We had a significant snowfall this past weekend as did most of the south. I awoke Saturday morning to see the wonderous sight of around six inches of freshly-fallen, undisturbed, bright white snow. The trees hung over bathed in dazzling, bright-white arches. The pasture, out my window, was one blinding carpet of luscious white. As the sun rose, it's rays kissed the blanket of white and it reflected so much light it was blinding.
This Saturday, in those quiet still morning hours, I thought about this from God's word,..."Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me and I will be whiter than snow." Psalm 51:7.
I could clearly see how important this promise from my Father is. When we are truly sorry for the sins we have committed, our loving father as we know, forgives us. And that forgiveness is whole...it is complete. He forgives us but doesn't stop there. He washes away every single speck of dirt and we have the honor and privilege of being cleansed..cleaned until we are "as white as snow". He washes away the ugly, dirty sin and we are left bright, shinning, illluminated. God restores us...we are fresh, bright, untouched, pure.
Did you get snow sometime this past weekend or sometime this winter? If you were privileged enough to look out your window and see a blanket of beautiful blazing white carpet then maybe you thought of this promise too. But, if you haven't had the privilege of see this glorious work of His hands don't feel left out...our Father's promise of "washing us whiter than snow" is for everyone of us no matter what the weather does or doesn't do!
This Saturday, in those quiet still morning hours, I thought about this from God's word,..."Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me and I will be whiter than snow." Psalm 51:7.
I could clearly see how important this promise from my Father is. When we are truly sorry for the sins we have committed, our loving father as we know, forgives us. And that forgiveness is whole...it is complete. He forgives us but doesn't stop there. He washes away every single speck of dirt and we have the honor and privilege of being cleansed..cleaned until we are "as white as snow". He washes away the ugly, dirty sin and we are left bright, shinning, illluminated. God restores us...we are fresh, bright, untouched, pure.
Did you get snow sometime this past weekend or sometime this winter? If you were privileged enough to look out your window and see a blanket of beautiful blazing white carpet then maybe you thought of this promise too. But, if you haven't had the privilege of see this glorious work of His hands don't feel left out...our Father's promise of "washing us whiter than snow" is for everyone of us no matter what the weather does or doesn't do!
Monday, June 08, 2009
My Saint Thomas
I am currently reading a book entitled, Saying “Yes” to God. I have found many nuggets of inspiration, truth, and encouragement in this easy to read book. Simply put this is the message… when you let go of yourself and wholeheartedly embrace obedience to …say “YES!” to Him, you will discover the blessings God has planned for you and your life will be transformed into a remarkable journey. Sounds so easy but yet for so many of us it is so hard. When we find someone who has wholeheartedly honored God’s presence in their lives it truly is a testimony and an inspiration to us and ignites our desire for this same kind of life-changing results in our life and also our passion for our God!
When Amanda was in the hospital God blessed me over and over with gifts of these kinds of people coming into my life…”okay God, put the frying pan away! My head isn’t that hard…I see the example of what you desire of me!” There is one person during that time that was radically obedient to God, and it is him, in particular I would like to share with you. I call him Saint Thomas.
Saint Thomas is a man that lived down the street from my mom and dad while I was pregnant with Amanda. My family has known him for probably 20 years and we love him dearly. I have always felt a special connection to him. He has always been a very good friend to my dad and quite the joker. My dad and Tom have spent a quarter of a century playing practical jokes on one another. I have always loved him for the joy, laughter, and friendship he has brought to my mom and dad. We see him around but are not in the habit of telephoning or note writing, but would stop in a store or restaurant and give a hug and catch up on friendly news. His wife was a member of my dad’s church and also taught Amanda in a little preschool there when she was 4 yr. old. Tom has grown children and they are also grandparents. He owns his own business and works very hard and is a very busy guy.
Regardless of how busy, how much responsibility he had, how inconvient it was for him, how much sleep he was losing, he made a choice to sacrifice many things for us when we were in ICU during Amanda’s accident. He chose to get up every weekday morning, get dressed, ride across town, stop at McDonalds, order biscuits and coffee, drive to the hospital, park in the parking deck, and bring myself and my family breakfast by 6 a.m. He gave of his time to bring us breakfast and hot coffee. He also always paid for everything he brought to us no matter no much and for how many people. And if that wasn’t enough, he had to play psychiatrist, “But if you are unwilling to serve the Lord, then chose today whom you will serve…as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15. You see, when you are in the hospital, the demons really seem to come out at night. The nights are long and hard and lonely, and it always seems that some kind of crisis comes about. There is pain that you can’t get control of, or Amanda’s fever would spike, or a lung would collapse, or her heart would act up (they had to resuscitate her 2 times)…things just fall apart at night. And of course, the doctors aren’t around like they are during the day…they do have a life! Every incident seems to be magnified if it happens during the night and it just adds to the stress and exhaustion.
It would be these early hours of the morning, when usually the first comforting face I would see would be Saint Tom’s. He would hand over breakfast and coffee and ask how the night went and then would start therapy! All the fears, stress, and tension of the long before would come tumbling out, “The Lord will redeem those who serve him. Everyone who trusts in him will be freely pardoned.” Psalm 34:22
He would have to wear the hat of friend, father, psychiatrist, priest, doctor and comforter in those early morning hours and I’m not sure that is what he signed up for. But, I am telling you from the heart that I don’t believe I could have remained sane if it hadn’t been for my Saint Tom! “The Sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom, so that I know what to say to all these weary ones. Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to his will.” Isaiah 50:4. Saint Thomas was a great listener, kind, compassionate, loving and most of all patient. During those long days and nights while Amanda was in ICU, I was like a little baby whose legs where too weak to hold them up. I needed to be held up and carried for a short while. My Saint Tom chose to be Jesus’ arms for me. “In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years. Isaiah 63:9
Through his service, Saint Tom brought me encouragement, comfort, healing, and faith. He was an example to me, he was able to “let his light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16. He did a great service for me but more than that he laid before me and others an example of being Christ like…he helped me further my walk with the Lord. “So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord’s work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.” 1 Corinthians 15:58. This one humble man thus was a Saint to me and I thank him for all he did for me and I know he earned many jewels in his crown. I will be quicker to extend myself in service to others and pray that I ears will always be open to the whisper of God’s voice to serve, that my heart will be full of love for others so I don’t miss a beat in accepting service, and that my feet will walk in the steps of Jesus to go anywhere to love and serve others!
“As a fellow elder, this is my appeal to you: Care for the flock of God entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly—not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God.” 1 Peter: 1-2
When Amanda was in the hospital God blessed me over and over with gifts of these kinds of people coming into my life…”okay God, put the frying pan away! My head isn’t that hard…I see the example of what you desire of me!” There is one person during that time that was radically obedient to God, and it is him, in particular I would like to share with you. I call him Saint Thomas.
Saint Thomas is a man that lived down the street from my mom and dad while I was pregnant with Amanda. My family has known him for probably 20 years and we love him dearly. I have always felt a special connection to him. He has always been a very good friend to my dad and quite the joker. My dad and Tom have spent a quarter of a century playing practical jokes on one another. I have always loved him for the joy, laughter, and friendship he has brought to my mom and dad. We see him around but are not in the habit of telephoning or note writing, but would stop in a store or restaurant and give a hug and catch up on friendly news. His wife was a member of my dad’s church and also taught Amanda in a little preschool there when she was 4 yr. old. Tom has grown children and they are also grandparents. He owns his own business and works very hard and is a very busy guy.
Regardless of how busy, how much responsibility he had, how inconvient it was for him, how much sleep he was losing, he made a choice to sacrifice many things for us when we were in ICU during Amanda’s accident. He chose to get up every weekday morning, get dressed, ride across town, stop at McDonalds, order biscuits and coffee, drive to the hospital, park in the parking deck, and bring myself and my family breakfast by 6 a.m. He gave of his time to bring us breakfast and hot coffee. He also always paid for everything he brought to us no matter no much and for how many people. And if that wasn’t enough, he had to play psychiatrist, “But if you are unwilling to serve the Lord, then chose today whom you will serve…as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15. You see, when you are in the hospital, the demons really seem to come out at night. The nights are long and hard and lonely, and it always seems that some kind of crisis comes about. There is pain that you can’t get control of, or Amanda’s fever would spike, or a lung would collapse, or her heart would act up (they had to resuscitate her 2 times)…things just fall apart at night. And of course, the doctors aren’t around like they are during the day…they do have a life! Every incident seems to be magnified if it happens during the night and it just adds to the stress and exhaustion.
It would be these early hours of the morning, when usually the first comforting face I would see would be Saint Tom’s. He would hand over breakfast and coffee and ask how the night went and then would start therapy! All the fears, stress, and tension of the long before would come tumbling out, “The Lord will redeem those who serve him. Everyone who trusts in him will be freely pardoned.” Psalm 34:22
He would have to wear the hat of friend, father, psychiatrist, priest, doctor and comforter in those early morning hours and I’m not sure that is what he signed up for. But, I am telling you from the heart that I don’t believe I could have remained sane if it hadn’t been for my Saint Tom! “The Sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom, so that I know what to say to all these weary ones. Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to his will.” Isaiah 50:4. Saint Thomas was a great listener, kind, compassionate, loving and most of all patient. During those long days and nights while Amanda was in ICU, I was like a little baby whose legs where too weak to hold them up. I needed to be held up and carried for a short while. My Saint Tom chose to be Jesus’ arms for me. “In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years. Isaiah 63:9
Through his service, Saint Tom brought me encouragement, comfort, healing, and faith. He was an example to me, he was able to “let his light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16. He did a great service for me but more than that he laid before me and others an example of being Christ like…he helped me further my walk with the Lord. “So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord’s work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.” 1 Corinthians 15:58. This one humble man thus was a Saint to me and I thank him for all he did for me and I know he earned many jewels in his crown. I will be quicker to extend myself in service to others and pray that I ears will always be open to the whisper of God’s voice to serve, that my heart will be full of love for others so I don’t miss a beat in accepting service, and that my feet will walk in the steps of Jesus to go anywhere to love and serve others!
“As a fellow elder, this is my appeal to you: Care for the flock of God entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly—not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God.” 1 Peter: 1-2
Monday, June 01, 2009
Billowing smoke
Yesterday, I was looking out the wind and noticed my yard engulfed in a haze of smoke. My husband was mowing the yard when the mower started acting up. Russell stopped to do maintenance on it. He had to turn it over which caused the oil to be distributed to areas the oil was not to go into...thus the billowing smoke! Russell was determined though to get the rest of the mowing completed and it was a pretty comical site...that big figure emerging through the smoke and and yet reemerging because where he and the mower went the smoke went!
The billowing smoke made me think about the last six or eight months. I have been suffering from post traumtic stress and it is like being covered over in a cloud of smoke. The smoke blurs my vision, makes it hard to breathe, and wears you out and down. For instance, the other day, we were driving down the road in broad daylight and there were 3 deer on the side of the road minding their own business just having a little to eat. Upon seeing them I started to cry. It took me a minute or two to get myself together. I feel like my husband, I wish someone would drop a bomb and just do away with the whole deer population and I am not a violent person (in fact, I am an animal lover)! Another problem I have is aniexty attacks at night in my sleep. I wake myself up breathing heavy and, I suppose, dreaming though I don't remember what or if i'm dreaming. I then, can't seem to go back to sleep so I spend the rest of the night walking the floors. Then there are the times I have to ride down the road where the accident took place. I get very emotional and nervous...always feel like we are driving too fast, like something is going to jump out in front of us, or the other cars are driving too fast and going to cause us to get hurt.
These are just some of the lingering post accident things I struggle with. But even though I have struggles they are so much less than the struggles we went through 16 months ago, 1 year ago, even 6 months ago. We serve and love a God that has given us the grace to ..." press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Phillipians 3:12b. He has covered us in his grace because He taught me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9. No matter how much smoke, how long the smoke lasts, how blurry my vision... "all this is for my benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God!"
2 Corinthians 4:15. "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweights them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17. I know as my God has and continues to heal Amanda he has and continues to heal me and the rest of my family. He loves us very much and he is growing me everyday.."I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." Romans 9:17.
As God leads me through the smoke, sometimes my eyes will be blurry and I will feel like I am on my own and I will need extra prayer and support from ya'll. Then there will be the times when a soft breeze will come and blow the smoke out of the way and everything will seem clear again and with God's grace and mercy those times will be coming more often than not. But as we have discovered, the timetable to this life is up to God and all things will be happening on His schedule. Until then I will praise His holy name and pray for you my dear brothers and sisters!
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength."
The billowing smoke made me think about the last six or eight months. I have been suffering from post traumtic stress and it is like being covered over in a cloud of smoke. The smoke blurs my vision, makes it hard to breathe, and wears you out and down. For instance, the other day, we were driving down the road in broad daylight and there were 3 deer on the side of the road minding their own business just having a little to eat. Upon seeing them I started to cry. It took me a minute or two to get myself together. I feel like my husband, I wish someone would drop a bomb and just do away with the whole deer population and I am not a violent person (in fact, I am an animal lover)! Another problem I have is aniexty attacks at night in my sleep. I wake myself up breathing heavy and, I suppose, dreaming though I don't remember what or if i'm dreaming. I then, can't seem to go back to sleep so I spend the rest of the night walking the floors. Then there are the times I have to ride down the road where the accident took place. I get very emotional and nervous...always feel like we are driving too fast, like something is going to jump out in front of us, or the other cars are driving too fast and going to cause us to get hurt.
These are just some of the lingering post accident things I struggle with. But even though I have struggles they are so much less than the struggles we went through 16 months ago, 1 year ago, even 6 months ago. We serve and love a God that has given us the grace to ..." press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Phillipians 3:12b. He has covered us in his grace because He taught me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9. No matter how much smoke, how long the smoke lasts, how blurry my vision... "all this is for my benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God!"
2 Corinthians 4:15. "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweights them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17. I know as my God has and continues to heal Amanda he has and continues to heal me and the rest of my family. He loves us very much and he is growing me everyday.."I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." Romans 9:17.
As God leads me through the smoke, sometimes my eyes will be blurry and I will feel like I am on my own and I will need extra prayer and support from ya'll. Then there will be the times when a soft breeze will come and blow the smoke out of the way and everything will seem clear again and with God's grace and mercy those times will be coming more often than not. But as we have discovered, the timetable to this life is up to God and all things will be happening on His schedule. Until then I will praise His holy name and pray for you my dear brothers and sisters!
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength."
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