Monday, June 08, 2009

My Saint Thomas

I am currently reading a book entitled, Saying “Yes” to God. I have found many nuggets of inspiration, truth, and encouragement in this easy to read book. Simply put this is the message… when you let go of yourself and wholeheartedly embrace obedience to …say “YES!” to Him, you will discover the blessings God has planned for you and your life will be transformed into a remarkable journey. Sounds so easy but yet for so many of us it is so hard. When we find someone who has wholeheartedly honored God’s presence in their lives it truly is a testimony and an inspiration to us and ignites our desire for this same kind of life-changing results in our life and also our passion for our God!

When Amanda was in the hospital God blessed me over and over with gifts of these kinds of people coming into my life…”okay God, put the frying pan away! My head isn’t that hard…I see the example of what you desire of me!” There is one person during that time that was radically obedient to God, and it is him, in particular I would like to share with you. I call him Saint Thomas.

Saint Thomas is a man that lived down the street from my mom and dad while I was pregnant with Amanda. My family has known him for probably 20 years and we love him dearly. I have always felt a special connection to him. He has always been a very good friend to my dad and quite the joker. My dad and Tom have spent a quarter of a century playing practical jokes on one another. I have always loved him for the joy, laughter, and friendship he has brought to my mom and dad. We see him around but are not in the habit of telephoning or note writing, but would stop in a store or restaurant and give a hug and catch up on friendly news. His wife was a member of my dad’s church and also taught Amanda in a little preschool there when she was 4 yr. old. Tom has grown children and they are also grandparents. He owns his own business and works very hard and is a very busy guy.

Regardless of how busy, how much responsibility he had, how inconvient it was for him, how much sleep he was losing, he made a choice to sacrifice many things for us when we were in ICU during Amanda’s accident. He chose to get up every weekday morning, get dressed, ride across town, stop at McDonalds, order biscuits and coffee, drive to the hospital, park in the parking deck, and bring myself and my family breakfast by 6 a.m. He gave of his time to bring us breakfast and hot coffee. He also always paid for everything he brought to us no matter no much and for how many people. And if that wasn’t enough, he had to play psychiatrist, “But if you are unwilling to serve the Lord, then chose today whom you will serve…as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15. You see, when you are in the hospital, the demons really seem to come out at night. The nights are long and hard and lonely, and it always seems that some kind of crisis comes about. There is pain that you can’t get control of, or Amanda’s fever would spike, or a lung would collapse, or her heart would act up (they had to resuscitate her 2 times)…things just fall apart at night. And of course, the doctors aren’t around like they are during the day…they do have a life! Every incident seems to be magnified if it happens during the night and it just adds to the stress and exhaustion.
It would be these early hours of the morning, when usually the first comforting face I would see would be Saint Tom’s. He would hand over breakfast and coffee and ask how the night went and then would start therapy! All the fears, stress, and tension of the long before would come tumbling out, “The Lord will redeem those who serve him. Everyone who trusts in him will be freely pardoned.” Psalm 34:22

He would have to wear the hat of friend, father, psychiatrist, priest, doctor and comforter in those early morning hours and I’m not sure that is what he signed up for. But, I am telling you from the heart that I don’t believe I could have remained sane if it hadn’t been for my Saint Tom! “The Sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom, so that I know what to say to all these weary ones. Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to his will.” Isaiah 50:4. Saint Thomas was a great listener, kind, compassionate, loving and most of all patient. During those long days and nights while Amanda was in ICU, I was like a little baby whose legs where too weak to hold them up. I needed to be held up and carried for a short while. My Saint Tom chose to be Jesus’ arms for me.
“In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years. Isaiah 63:9

Through his service, Saint Tom brought me encouragement, comfort, healing, and faith. He was an example to me, he was able to “let his light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16. He did a great service for me but more than that he laid before me and others an example of being Christ like…he helped me further my walk with the Lord. “So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord’s work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.” 1 Corinthians 15:58. This one humble man thus was a Saint to me and I thank him for all he did for me and I know he earned many jewels in his crown. I will be quicker to extend myself in service to others and pray that I ears will always be open to the whisper of God’s voice to serve, that my heart will be full of love for others so I don’t miss a beat in accepting service, and that my feet will walk in the steps of Jesus to go anywhere to love and serve others!

“As a fellow elder, this is my appeal to you: Care for the flock of God entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly—not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God.” 1 Peter: 1-2

Monday, June 01, 2009

Billowing smoke

Yesterday, I was looking out the wind and noticed my yard engulfed in a haze of smoke. My husband was mowing the yard when the mower started acting up. Russell stopped to do maintenance on it. He had to turn it over which caused the oil to be distributed to areas the oil was not to go into...thus the billowing smoke! Russell was determined though to get the rest of the mowing completed and it was a pretty comical site...that big figure emerging through the smoke and and yet reemerging because where he and the mower went the smoke went!

The billowing smoke made me think about the last six or eight months. I have been suffering from post traumtic stress and it is like being covered over in a cloud of smoke. The smoke blurs my vision, makes it hard to breathe, and wears you out and down. For instance, the other day, we were driving down the road in broad daylight and there were 3 deer on the side of the road minding their own business just having a little to eat. Upon seeing them I started to cry. It took me a minute or two to get myself together. I feel like my husband, I wish someone would drop a bomb and just do away with the whole deer population and I am not a violent person (in fact, I am an animal lover)! Another problem I have is aniexty attacks at night in my sleep. I wake myself up breathing heavy and, I suppose, dreaming though I don't remember what or if i'm dreaming. I then, can't seem to go back to sleep so I spend the rest of the night walking the floors. Then there are the times I have to ride down the road where the accident took place. I get very emotional and nervous...always feel like we are driving too fast, like something is going to jump out in front of us, or the other cars are driving too fast and going to cause us to get hurt.

These are just some of the lingering post accident things I struggle with. But even though I have struggles they are so much less than the struggles we went through 16 months ago, 1 year ago, even 6 months ago. We serve and love a God that has given us the grace to ..." press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Phillipians 3:12b. He has covered us in his grace because He taught me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9. No matter how much smoke, how long the smoke lasts, how blurry my vision... "all this is for my benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God!"
2 Corinthians 4:15. "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweights them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17. I know as my God has and continues to heal Amanda he has and continues to heal me and the rest of my family. He loves us very much and he is growing me everyday.."I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." Romans 9:17.
As God leads me through the smoke, sometimes my eyes will be blurry and I will feel like I am on my own and I will need extra prayer and support from ya'll. Then there will be the times when a soft breeze will come and blow the smoke out of the way and everything will seem clear again and with God's grace and mercy those times will be coming more often than not. But as we have discovered, the timetable to this life is up to God and all things will be happening on His schedule. Until then I will praise His holy name and pray for you my dear brothers and sisters!

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength."