The Here and After

We are not abandon

2010-04-18T14:07:00.000-04:00

During the Lenten season at church we sing a response that asks "My God, my God why have you abandon me?" Of course, we know that God has done everything for us BUT abandon us.

Though for a few minutes last night I lost it and sure felt abandon. My husband and I were sitting in church and sometime into the mass I happen to notice that there was a notice in the bulletin that upset me. The bulletin stated that one of my favorite people, Sister Bernadette, was leaving. Why was that so upsetting? Sister is my strength, my security, my mentor. During every hard time in my adult life Sister has been there for myself and also my family. When my mother-in-law had to have an emergency procedure, there was Sister. When my mother-in-law died, there was Sister. When my father-in-law was struggling, there was Sister. The same when my father-in-law died...there she was. During the months of Amanda's accident that tested me to the core...who was there..Sister! We turned to Sister when we needed help when my son got engaged and again when Amanda and I were in rehab and home in a hospital bed. Sister was there with a hug, with encouragement, always with communion for us. In fact, Sister was there, along with my mother and sisters when Amanda took her first steps in rehab. My holy Sister Bernadette was there for both my children's first communions and always around as they grew up...she just has always been there with us and for us. Oh God, the last two years have been full of great trials..why are you putting us through one more change? Why are you taking my special friend and Sister from me? I felt alone and abandoned by God.

My dear sweet Sister is loving, giving, dedicated. She is a very tiny woman, with a soft, but assured way of speaking. But every inch of that small frame and soft manner is wholly and humbly dedicated to God our Father and bringing that to others. She gives tirelessly and will not stop at anything to bring comfort to those that need it. She is selfless and don't even try to get her to speak about herself...she is not interested in talking about herself only others.

After church we were able to talk with her and thank you Jesus!...she is not leaving. She won't be working with the sick and shut-ins any more for our church instead she will be working at Catholic Social Services in town. She probably though I was having some kind of breakdown because I hugged her so tight and couldn't stop crying. She knew...she knew. She reassured me and told me this was her home and she wasn't going anywhere! My God, my God...why do we doubt? And not just because Sister Bernadette is staying here but because after all we have been through I know that God would have helped me make one more adjustment. After all we have been through, I know God loves me and will ALWAYS take care of me..."Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5. I know after the events of the last two years that my God loves me beyond measure and even when times are hard he is right there with me ready to minister to my every need. Oh God, my God you will never abandon me!

Thank you dear Sister Bernadette for being Christ in this world and being such a big part of our lives and the lives of so many more.

"Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13: 1-2

"For he who touches you touches the apple of his eye." Zechariah 2:8

S Joy!

2010-04-10T06:54:00.007-04:00

There are many types of JOY that i'm sure you have experienced. What comes to my mind is probably the same as what comes to your mind. There is the joy of love, the joy of graduating, the joy of birth, the joy of discovering new places and traveling, there is the joy of an expensive gift, the joy of a new home, and the list goes on!

The Lord spoke to me this weekend about a special joy...SIMPLE JOY! How many of us have the honor and priviledge of experiencing plain old simple joy? I have and I do and the Lord would like all of us to experience this gift He brings to us. Simple joy is just that. It is that same joy you feel when something big and important happens but simple joy can come along with the things in life that don't have alot of fanfare, glitz, drama. This kind of joy comes from being happy in life and with life. It is a joy that acknowleges that every minute of every day is a gift...a gift from the Father to us. Simply joy comes from being able to slow down and experience what is important in this life. It is a joy that comes from recognizing that ALL things come from our Lord and that we are not the masters of this world but that God is in control of all things.

Simple joy is excitement upon seeing the first hummingbird at the feeder in the spring, making popcorn for family TV night, getting or giving a hug from or to someone, singing 70's tunes with your children, digging the weeds out of the garden, people watching while eating an ice cream cone on Main Street, listening to the purrs of your kitten. These are some of the simple joys in life.

I am blessed with experiencing the hand of God upon myself and my family. I am honored and privileged that my Saviour has heaped so many blessings upon me and my family. I want to see God's majesty around me and not be too busy and let it pass by me. And I thank my Lord and Father that each and every day he has opened my heart to simple joys!

"I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well feed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Phillipians 4:11-13"

I am blessed with SIMPLE JOY!

Two or more at Lent

2010-02-25T20:26:00.014-05:00

I have noticed that many, as in people, are writing insightful pieces having to do with prayer and Lent. In the past, I have always tried to put together a plan to pray, fast, and hopefuly enter the Easter season closer to God and with a little more spiritual growth than the last year. And I, like most of you, have struggled with the praying, fasting and reflecting. Over the course of my adult life, I have read many articles in books, blogs, church bulletins and newsletters that have all sorts of great thoughts and approaches to having deeper and more committed prayer time. And I, like most of you, have struggled with finding time (and being able to concentrate) on my prayers. And, even with the best intentions, Friday after Friday seem to spring up on me and I haven't done a whole lot of meaningful prayer.

I don't have any insightful thoughts or mind-altering tidbits...I just have some testimony from the past couple years. If you don't know already the past three years have been altering for me. My daughter was hit head-on by a pickup truck in the spring of 2007. They fire dept. had to cut her out of her car with the jaw-of-life. She suffered a major bone break in her foot..her foot will always hamper her. Three months later, she was taken into emergence surgery for some tumor like growths that caused her ovaries to twist. She was experiencing pain and nausea since the accident so the doctors misdiagnosed her, changing her medications and such, thus missing these fast growing tumors until they had become life threatening. Then six months later, she was in an accident on a country road, late at night, and thrown from a big truck. A deer ran out in front her boyfriend's pick-up truck and he lost control. She was thrown from the truck, covered in a six-foot ditch by trees, had to be helicoptered to a trauma hospital, endured 7 + hours of surgery with nine teams of doctors, and wasn't expected to live. We spent months in the hospital, then rehab, then home and during this recovery my husband lost his job twice, of course losing health benefits. Oh, and did I tell you that around the same time as my daughter's first accident, I was having ALOT of migraines and due to that I burned up all the serotonin in my body. The result of that was a loss of energy, memory...mainly you can't function until you build back the serotonin..(you can read more on the post "Suffering but not Separated" March 19,2008). And how is all this related to Lent..to prayer?! I will tell you.

I had always tried to be faithful to having a personal prayer time in the mornings which was good. But, God showed me GREAT! Right after my daughter's first accident, a good friend started coming over to my house and we started praying TOGETHER. "Hear the supplications of your servant and of your people Israel when they pray.." 2 Chronicles 6:21. We would first talk about what prayer needs were on our hearts focusing on our children and husbands. Next, we would open our bibles and the Lord would show us a scripture. Then we would begin to pray...starting with acknowledgment of God's power and reign over us, moving into a time of thanking Him and recounting our blessings and following that with a time of confession. The last part was giving God our petitions. Here is the testimony...the walls of this house shook with the presence of our Almighty. "And when they had prayed, the place where they had gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak the word of God with boldness" Acts 4:31. It wasn't because of the lists of requests, it wasn't because of the order of prayer, it wasn't about the scripture, though all played a part. This house shook because there was more than one of us! Even though we had requests that we intended to bring to the Lord, when we started praying the Holy Spirit took over and spoke for us and through us. It was never my words that acknowledged the almighty power of God, it was the Holy Spirit through me. It was never my words that thanked my Father for all the blessings poured down upon me, it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me..speaking what was deep in my heart. The confessions were not me or my prayer partner, they were the Holy Spirit looking deep into my heart and bringing all into the light. And the requests...I stopped writing them down...the Holy Spirit knew what needed to be petitioned and those are the requests that tumbled from my lips. These prayer sessions were deep, powerful, real, and beyond me. "We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express". Romans 8:26

God made himself present to me and my partner in a life changing way. He built my faith, illuminate my failings, bathed me in forgiveness and poured out his mercy. I truly believe that the night my daughter lay fighting for life in that ditch, there was a spiritual war taking place. And due to the prayers that had been prayed by "TWO OR MORE" she is here today, walking, talking, working, playing, living life! Then again, last fall, another friend and I started doing the same..praying several times a week. Again, my house shook from top to bottom. At times, we would be praying over an hour and not even realize how much time had passed. We would weep and laugh, become bold and authoritative, pour out our hearts and hear the Lord give us words of direction, encouragement, and love. He showed us the power in "TWO OR MORE" gathered together to pray. During these months of prayer with a partner, I have seen so much happen in both our lives and seen much of God's power at work. God has shown me that there is something special in praying with someone. God has blessed my partners, the people we have prayed for, and myself.

So, maybe this Lent, you will call a sibling, a friend, a neighbor and step out together in prayer to see what new heights the Lord can stretch you to!

Apart

2010-02-19T12:04:00.001-05:00

My niece got married Saturday evening. It was a beautiful wedding and the bride was a vision to behold. And the groom...if he was any happier we would have had to tie him down so he didn't float away. Yet, for me the wedding was bittersweet. My darling niece is thirty years old and has lived in the same general area as I for all her life. She was my baby for 4 years before I had my first baby. I love her so much and feel like she is one of my own. But the young man she married lives in Florida, about 7 hours away.

When I went to give her a farewell hug, I was overcome with emotion. All I could do was quietly weep and hold her tight. I felt such a separation, such a loss. In the dark as we drove home I began to think about the love I have for this young woman in comparision to the love God has for me. How many times have I put distance between me and the one who loves me so very much? How must my Lord's heart break and how many tears has he shed? How many times have I traveled a journey away from my Lord and He had to suffer and endure the feeling of separation and loss from me, one of his children, when it wasn't necessary? If my Father loves me infinitly more than we can love, then when I choose not to be in tune with him how he must suffer. I am now sure my God weeps for me and wants to hold on tightly to me.

It is okay for my niece to start a new life in another town with the man God has called her to unite with...but it is not alright for me to move away from the presence and company of my Saviour. Every day, every hour, every minute I need to be one with the Lord...I need to have no distance, no separation between me and my father. I need him to hold me tight not for a goodbye but for now, today, tomorrow and forever! "But you, beloved, building yourself up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting anxiously for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to eternal life." Jude 1:21.

Thank you ,my darling, for bringing joy and love into my life. I am so proud of you and will pray for you (as I always have) and for that great new husband of yours.

Whiter than snow

2010-02-18T21:34:00.006-05:00

We had a significant snowfall this past weekend as did most of the south. I awoke Saturday morning to see the wonderous sight of around six inches of freshly-fallen, undisturbed, bright white snow. The trees hung over bathed in dazzling, bright-white arches. The pasture, out my window, was one blinding carpet of luscious white. As the sun rose, it's rays kissed the blanket of white and it reflected so much light it was blinding.

This Saturday, in those quiet still morning hours, I thought about this from God's word,..."Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me and I will be whiter than snow." Psalm 51:7.
I could clearly see how important this promise from my Father is. When we are truly sorry for the sins we have committed, our loving father as we know, forgives us. And that forgiveness is whole...it is complete. He forgives us but doesn't stop there. He washes away every single speck of dirt and we have the honor and privilege of being cleansed..cleaned until we are "as white as snow". He washes away the ugly, dirty sin and we are left bright, shinning, illluminated. God restores us...we are fresh, bright, untouched, pure.

Did you get snow sometime this past weekend or sometime this winter? If you were privileged enough to look out your window and see a blanket of beautiful blazing white carpet then maybe you thought of this promise too. But, if you haven't had the privilege of see this glorious work of His hands don't feel left out...our Father's promise of "washing us whiter than snow" is for everyone of us no matter what the weather does or doesn't do!

My Saint Thomas

2009-06-08T08:48:00.001-04:00

I am currently reading a book entitled, Saying “Yes” to God. I have found many nuggets of inspiration, truth, and encouragement in this easy to read book. Simply put this is the message… when you let go of yourself and wholeheartedly embrace obedience to …say “YES!” to Him, you will discover the blessings God has planned for you and your life will be transformed into a remarkable journey. Sounds so easy but yet for so many of us it is so hard. When we find someone who has wholeheartedly honored God’s presence in their lives it truly is a testimony and an inspiration to us and ignites our desire for this same kind of life-changing results in our life and also our passion for our God!

When Amanda was in the hospital God blessed me over and over with gifts of these kinds of people coming into my life…”okay God, put the frying pan away! My head isn’t that hard…I see the example of what you desire of me!” There is one person during that time that was radically obedient to God, and it is him, in particular I would like to share with you. I call him Saint Thomas.

Saint Thomas is a man that lived down the street from my mom and dad while I was pregnant with Amanda. My family has known him for probably 20 years and we love him dearly. I have always felt a special connection to him. He has always been a very good friend to my dad and quite the joker. My dad and Tom have spent a quarter of a century playing practical jokes on one another. I have always loved him for the joy, laughter, and friendship he has brought to my mom and dad. We see him around but are not in the habit of telephoning or note writing, but would stop in a store or restaurant and give a hug and catch up on friendly news. His wife was a member of my dad’s church and also taught Amanda in a little preschool there when she was 4 yr. old. Tom has grown children and they are also grandparents. He owns his own business and works very hard and is a very busy guy.

Regardless of how busy, how much responsibility he had, how inconvient it was for him, how much sleep he was losing, he made a choice to sacrifice many things for us when we were in ICU during Amanda’s accident. He chose to get up every weekday morning, get dressed, ride across town, stop at McDonalds, order biscuits and coffee, drive to the hospital, park in the parking deck, and bring myself and my family breakfast by 6 a.m. He gave of his time to bring us breakfast and hot coffee. He also always paid for everything he brought to us no matter no much and for how many people. And if that wasn’t enough, he had to play psychiatrist, “But if you are unwilling to serve the Lord, then chose today whom you will serve…as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15. You see, when you are in the hospital, the demons really seem to come out at night. The nights are long and hard and lonely, and it always seems that some kind of crisis comes about. There is pain that you can’t get control of, or Amanda’s fever would spike, or a lung would collapse, or her heart would act up (they had to resuscitate her 2 times)…things just fall apart at night. And of course, the doctors aren’t around like they are during the day…they do have a life! Every incident seems to be magnified if it happens during the night and it just adds to the stress and exhaustion.
It would be these early hours of the morning, when usually the first comforting face I would see would be Saint Tom’s. He would hand over breakfast and coffee and ask how the night went and then would start therapy! All the fears, stress, and tension of the long before would come tumbling out, “The Lord will redeem those who serve him. Everyone who trusts in him will be freely pardoned.” Psalm 34:22

He would have to wear the hat of friend, father, psychiatrist, priest, doctor and comforter in those early morning hours and I’m not sure that is what he signed up for. But, I am telling you from the heart that I don’t believe I could have remained sane if it hadn’t been for my Saint Tom! “The Sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom, so that I know what to say to all these weary ones. Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to his will.” Isaiah 50:4. Saint Thomas was a great listener, kind, compassionate, loving and most of all patient. During those long days and nights while Amanda was in ICU, I was like a little baby whose legs where too weak to hold them up. I needed to be held up and carried for a short while. My Saint Tom chose to be Jesus’ arms for me. “In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years. Isaiah 63:9

Through his service, Saint Tom brought me encouragement, comfort, healing, and faith. He was an example to me, he was able to “let his light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16. He did a great service for me but more than that he laid before me and others an example of being Christ like…he helped me further my walk with the Lord. “So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord’s work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.” 1 Corinthians 15:58. This one humble man thus was a Saint to me and I thank him for all he did for me and I know he earned many jewels in his crown. I will be quicker to extend myself in service to others and pray that I ears will always be open to the whisper of God’s voice to serve, that my heart will be full of love for others so I don’t miss a beat in accepting service, and that my feet will walk in the steps of Jesus to go anywhere to love and serve others!

“As a fellow elder, this is my appeal to you: Care for the flock of God entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly—not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God.” 1 Peter: 1-2

Billowing smoke

2009-06-01T09:56:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, I was looking out the wind and noticed my yard engulfed in a haze of smoke. My husband was mowing the yard when the mower started acting up. Russell stopped to do maintenance on it. He had to turn it over which caused the oil to be distributed to areas the oil was not to go into...thus the billowing smoke! Russell was determined though to get the rest of the mowing completed and it was a pretty comical site...that big figure emerging through the smoke and and yet reemerging because where he and the mower went the smoke went!

The billowing smoke made me think about the last six or eight months. I have been suffering from post traumtic stress and it is like being covered over in a cloud of smoke. The smoke blurs my vision, makes it hard to breathe, and wears you out and down. For instance, the other day, we were driving down the road in broad daylight and there were 3 deer on the side of the road minding their own business just having a little to eat. Upon seeing them I started to cry. It took me a minute or two to get myself together. I feel like my husband, I wish someone would drop a bomb and just do away with the whole deer population and I am not a violent person (in fact, I am an animal lover)! Another problem I have is aniexty attacks at night in my sleep. I wake myself up breathing heavy and, I suppose, dreaming though I don't remember what or if i'm dreaming. I then, can't seem to go back to sleep so I spend the rest of the night walking the floors. Then there are the times I have to ride down the road where the accident took place. I get very emotional and nervous...always feel like we are driving too fast, like something is going to jump out in front of us, or the other cars are driving too fast and going to cause us to get hurt.

These are just some of the lingering post accident things I struggle with. But even though I have struggles they are so much less than the struggles we went through 16 months ago, 1 year ago, even 6 months ago. We serve and love a God that has given us the grace to ..." press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Phillipians 3:12b. He has covered us in his grace because He taught me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9. No matter how much smoke, how long the smoke lasts, how blurry my vision... "all this is for my benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God!"
2 Corinthians 4:15. "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweights them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17. I know as my God has and continues to heal Amanda he has and continues to heal me and the rest of my family. He loves us very much and he is growing me everyday.."I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." Romans 9:17.
As God leads me through the smoke, sometimes my eyes will be blurry and I will feel like I am on my own and I will need extra prayer and support from ya'll. Then there will be the times when a soft breeze will come and blow the smoke out of the way and everything will seem clear again and with God's grace and mercy those times will be coming more often than not. But as we have discovered, the timetable to this life is up to God and all things will be happening on His schedule. Until then I will praise His holy name and pray for you my dear brothers and sisters!

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Friends

2009-05-29T09:26:00.002-04:00

My daughter’s seven month old puppy, who resides at her boyfriend’s farm (they have joint custody), was involved in an accident Tuesday night. His pelvis was injured, which is really ironic…our daughter was injured at night, at the same place, and one of her significant injuries is her pelvis. Anyway, Wednesday morning Bo had to have surgery, stayed overnight at the vets and yesterday we brought him home to our farm to take care of him.

Bo is an American bulldog, weighs 55 lbs. and is considered a large dog. Oh, he is not of Great Dane large size (Amanda’s boyfriend does have one of those too.), but he is large and solid. Bringing Bo home from the vets was an experience. When we got him in the car he refused to lie down on his bed and stood with his head on Daddy’s leg the 12 miles or so home. Then once home, he limped around the house for a good while crying and no matter how much coaxing we did, we could not convince him to get on his bed. Finally, our daughter, Amanda, realized Bo wanted up on the couch with her. The end result…Bo on the couch next to Amanda with his head on a pillow…crying ceased…sleep ensued.

The last 18 hours have been all about Bo. This puppy has personality and knows what he wants. And what he wants is companionship. We cannot leave him alone or even sit in a chair where he thinks he is alone or he starts crying! I spent the night in the recliner in the living room with Bo in his place on the couch. He has woke up about every two hours, sat up, searched the room for me, cried until I came over to sit with him, and then he settles down and goes back to sleep. He is not acting that different from a person when they are in pain, or sick, or just had surgery.

During the night watching Bo, brought back the memories of our time in Shock Trauma ICU and how important to us the other two families were. The Ashleys and the Eubank were definitely handpicked by God to be our extended family the month we spent in that waiting room. If we do the math…24 hours a day, multiplied by 7 days a week, multiplied by over 30 days…that is a lot of time spent with two other families. We needed that companionship, the strength that flowed through them from their faith in our God. We were afraid and as Elisha prayed for his servant in 2 Kings 6:17 “O Lord, open Then his eyes so he may see.” the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.’, so these two families and our own prayed this prayer for us. When we were too afraid and overcome they used their faith to give us courage. Also, because the righteous King was King of their lives they were able to give us spiritual shelter from the howling winds that raged around us. They prayed with us and for us and always spoke encouraging words. God refreshed us using them...”refreshed us as a river in the desert “using their powerful group prayers, which they always opened to everyone, to fill the room with the Holy Spirit. There were times I was so depressed and then their pastor would come in and hold prayer and the roof would be lifted off the top of the building! God would make his presence so real, so here, so now, that we would be on a high for days. Thank you Lord! “Look, a righteous king is coming! And honest princes will rule under him. He will shelter Israel from the storm and the wind. He will refresh her as a river in the desert and as the cool shadow of a large rock in a hot and weary land.” Isaiah 32:1-2

Companionship, friendship, support are essential in life. God loves us so much that he blesses us by bringing the right friends, at the right times into our lives. I am so grateful to God for covering us that very, very long month as we fought not only for Amanda’s life but for our sanity. He knew the friends we needed, especially in those hard times in the middle of the night, were the Ashleys and the Eubanks and thank God that that are such good and faithful servants. I am continually reminded of what a loving and merciful God we serve!
“I no longer call you servants, because a master doesn’t confide in his servants. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me.”
John 15:15

Making us into something better

2009-05-27T00:08:00.001-04:00

As the mom and child walked through the garden, they spied a little cocoon. Upon closer observation, they noticed it wiggling and rolling with an unborn butterfly inside trying to break through the cocoon to greet the world outside.

Under the pair’s watchful eye a tiny hole appeared as the insect began to work its way out. Slowly, before their very eyes the butterfly enlarged the hole and began to squeeze through. But, to the young child it seemed the struggle would never end as the hole seemed far too small for the butterfly to squeeze through. It also seemed that even at one point the insect himself gave up. Hoping to make it easier for the butterfly, the child reached down and tore the small hole in the cocoon completely open thinking the butterfly could escape with ease. The butterfly did emerge from the cocoon but the child nor did mom know what a dreadful mistake had been made. The butterfly did emerge but his head was too large and the wings were too small and brittle. You see, God had designed the cocoon to be difficult to climb out of so that as the butterfly squeezed through the hole, the pressure forced fluids in the insect’s body back into the wings. In reality, it was the struggle that gave the butterfly its wings to fly!

Is it the same for us? I know that God is here with me, but is He making me stronger as I struggle to work my way through the hardships in life? As I wiggle and squirm down the steep hills in life I can have faith that God is always near. And when I grow weak and tired I can stand on his promises to give me strength…Isaiah 40:29…”He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” I certainly don’t know why these trials and tribulations have been cast in my life but a little voice inside me whispers to hang in there for He is growing me into something far better than I was. When I bust out of this cocoon I will have wings not just to fly…they will be wings to soar!

“Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

One Bright Star

2008-12-20T23:51:00.002-05:00

One bright star that led them to the greatest gift of all...Christmas is almost here!

As I was debating on whether to write a Christmas letter or not the Lord spoke to me through a memory. My daughter, Amanda, my husband and I were driving in the car this week together when Amanda spoke up from the back seat. She spoke so sincerely, so joyfully, so gratefully as she said, "this is the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!" Those six small, but sincere, joyful, grateful words immediately made tears spring to my eyes. It was at that moment that I knew that the Lord would have me writing today.

I wrote about those very six small, sincere, joyful, and yes, grateful words back in August of 2005 (August 19, 2005 if you want to archive and reread it). That post was about the joy of my children…how they perceive life and how they have found the joy in the small things. Vacations never had to be big events to the biggest theme parks or cruise ships or exotic places but just simple bike rides and fishing at the beach with Dad.

Christmas was never about the presents but about the traditions and about being together and feeling the love of brother, sister, Mom, Dad, Grammie and Grandpa, their cousins, and Aunts and Uncles. It was about riding every weekend, for years by the Catholic hospital and watch the journey of the wise men making their way across the front of the lawn to the manager on the other side.

This Christmas there is a choice to make. Amanda suffered a near fatal accident on January 26, 2008. She went to the ER 15 times; she is walking around with the front of her pelvic bones crushed and has an open book pelvic fracture that cannot be fixed. She has no stomach muscles, those have retracted to her sides and only the thin top layer of her skin is closed over her stomach. She will be going back into surgery in February and it will be a big surgery on her abdomen and she will be back in Shock Trauma, a stay in the hospital, and then some months at home recuperation and then therapy. She is not looking forward to this, I am not looking forward to this, her father is not looking forward to this, and her brother is not looking forward to this. We all have issues!

Then there is her brother…on October 31 he bought a little house and is working night and day. He is also planning on getting married the first week in April 2009. He is so busy working for the city and county fire departments and taking extra fire department training classes that he meets himself coming and going. At the same time his bride-to-be just started school at MCG training to give patients their radiology treatments for cancer. She is very busy with her schooling and planning a wedding. Russell and Ashley only get snatches of time with each other, we only get snatches of time with them and none of us think we get enough time with each other!

Then there is Russell…yes, normally everything stays the same with him. Only not this year. Since Amanda has come home from the hospital he has lost his job not once but twice. Oh, yes…just ask him how the economy is…he would be glad to give you an earful. Yes, for the second time since June he has lost his job and that is not an easy pill to swallow.

WAIT!!! I bet you are wondering where the inspiring Christmas letter is. Oh, it is here! Remember in the fourth paragraph when I said we have a choice? In that post back in August of 2005 I was thinking that maybe my children were teaching me. My children were the example of seeing things the way God wants us to see them…JOYFULLY! I wrote back then “could it possibly be that their honest, pure, god-given, childlike enthusiasm and simple joy for anything and everything is an example to me on how I need to and will view the after!? It appears that my children have learned the lesson in James 1:2 that tells us to "consider it pure joy, my brothers.." and "you have filled my heart with greater joy..." Psalm 4:7a It appears that they understand the lesson of Nehemiah 8:10b, "..this day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."

Do not worry my wonderful friends and family…I have learned “this day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is my strength.

I know that Amanda was not supposed to live and my Lord and Savior saved her for a wonderful, wonderful, purpose sometime in her life. She was not supposed to walk, but she has been healed and walks. I know my Lord and Savior has her walking and has a wonderful, a wonderful purpose for her sometime in her life. Her surgeon is the best of the best and her physician is the holiest of holies. Our God, our Father who has been with us carrying us through this ordeal (most of the time on his back) will be with Amanda in the operating room and be with her Dad, me, brother, and his fiancee while we wait on her to come out of surgery. He again will stay by our side during all the phases of recovery and we will not only heal and come through this but we will grow and our faith will deepen and our relationship with each other and with our family and friends and the hundreds of believers who have been constant in their prayers for Amanda will strengthen us and bind us together in a miraculous way that only the heavens can do. She also is in love with Alex and he with her (the young man that was with her in the truck when they hit the deer). He is so committed to her and will be with us every step of the way also. And the reason she was saying this was the best Christmas ever was because he had bought her a puppy for Christmas and she was beside herself with joy. What happiness a couple of wet, sloppy licks from a puppy can bring! It will also be great company for her when she is laid up recuperating.

I am a mother that has a heart bursting with pride for my young man. Young Russ is building his career, building an honest and hardworking reputation. He is learning to provide for a wife and a future family. He works and lives very close to us so it is not a problem to run by to visit him if he is on overload. His fiancée is a wonderful young woman who loves him very much and also works hard and wants very much to have an education so that she can help Russell provide for the family while he continues his education. I love them both very much and am very proud of them and how hard they are working to be responsible young adults. They have good friends, they are building their spiritual life together and we are all looking forward to the joy of their wedding day! I know no matter how hard I try I will cry…sorry you guys!

Praise God for my husband! I am going to say it again…Praise God for my husband! This year has been so hard on him and maybe God knows better than the rest of us. Maybe he needs a rest…maybe I need some time with him (I stayed the whole three months in the hospital with Amanda). Amanda and Daddy have been doing lots together…cooking, walking the dog, going to the store, taking care of school business….maybe Amanda needs time with him. Now he can run over to the fire station to see his son…maybe his son needs him. Oh, I don’t know what the reason is but even though as far as money times are tough I see good things happening. I can really “count it all joy!” I know for me that “you turned my wailing into dancing and that you have clothed me with joy”. I know Lord that you will provide somehow, someway for our family and that we will continue to see your hands of protection over us. I know that you will provide just the right job at the right time for my husband and that until then “my heart will sing to you and not be silent and I will continue to give you thanks”.

At this Christmas time, this time of miracles, this time when “One bright star led them to the greatest gift of all” I want to thank each and everyone of you for your miracle…your miracle of joy, of your commitment to us, of praying for us, for loving us, for caring for us, for serving us, for visiting us, for inquiring about us, but most of all for sharing with us in the love of our King of Kings that came to greet us here on earth…in a lowly manager, as a tiny baby, but filled with hope, joy, and peace to pass on to us all!

Hope, joy, and peace to you all this Christmas…Trina

Belonging to Many

2008-08-06T13:32:00.002-04:00

Amanda, her dad and I were at the hospital for an appointment with Amanda’s shock trauma doctor. As we were sitting in the waiting area, just separated by the hospital hallway by an archway, I heard a woman’s voice call out my name. To my pleasant surprise it was Miss Jackie, the secretary from the operating room at the hospital. Miss Jackie was one of those people who knew all that Amanda had been through. She was the first one we would see every time we had to come down to the operating room which was about a dozen or so times. Miss Jackie was the person who placed us in a cubby hole or “holding” as they call it…the last step to the operating room. She always knew what Amanda was having done and because Miss Jackie worked in the OR she pretty much knew Amanda’s condition. She always would smile at me; tell me the best team was ready to go, and that her and her whole church was praying for Amanda.

I have thought a lot about what drew me to Miss Jackie and I always felt that even though she didn’t know Amanda (at least up until the accident), she loved Amanda. Somehow when she told me she was praying for Amanda I really, really believed her…not like it was just the proper thing to say.

Up until this afternoon when she called my name from the hallway, the last time we saw her was when Amanda when down to the OR to have her metal rods removed from her hips. It was at this time that she was also infected with MRSA (staff infection). Miss Jackie was as usual, smiling, encouraging, so very king and loving…and of course, reassuring telling me that everything was going to be alright and that she and her church were praying. When I heard her say Mrs. Barnes, I jumped up, pulled her into the waiting area eager for her to see Amanda. What took me totally by surprise was her response. When she spotted Amanda she was overcome…totally overcome! She said several times that she thought Amanda was DEAD!...as she kept repeating this tears just streamed down her cheeks.

I was startled and speechless. Hearing her words and seeing her reaction knocked the sense right out of me. But as the tears streamed down Miss Jackie’s cheeks incredible joy came over me. I asked Amanda to stand and show Miss Jackie what God had done for us…she stood and walked for Miss Jackie! What a miracle to see the look on Miss Jackie’s face…she cried and pointed to the sky. She kept saying “HE did this, HE healed her. HE brought her back to life!” We laughed, all four of us, we cried, we hugged, and she told us how worried they were about Amanda the last time we came down to the operating room. When we didn’t come down anymore they thought the infection had gotten to her and Amanda had died. Miss Jackie said that she knew how serious Amanda’s injuries were and knew it was in God’s hands.

Well, Amanda didn’t die as Miss Jackie thought but Amanda was in God’s hands and she is a miracle. One thing I came to realize is that Amanda doesn’t just belong to me and her Daddy, and her grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins in this life anymore.. she belongs to a whole bunch of people. She belongs to Miss Jackie who cares for her deeply. She belongs to the doctors and nurses who formed a close bond with her as they used their skill and knowledge and training to fight for her life, she belongs to the staff and others in the hospital who came to know and love Amanda as they cared for her and us and did their best to serve us and meet our needs in the hospital, she belongs to the families who prayed with us in the dark, desperate hours, days, and weeks at the beginning when Amanda was in ICU. She belongs to the members of the churches, the Sunday school classes, the prayer meetings, the women’s groups, the school children, all that were faithful to hold Amanda up during this time of trial and tribulation. God has given Amanda to a huge number on people on this earth…some she knows and many more she doesn’t. But they know her, they love her, they care about her and they love God more because they have seen God work through her. WHAT A MIRACLE!

Romans 12:5 “so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others”.
Galatians 4:14 “and that which was a trial to you in my bodily condition you did not despise or loathe, but you received me as an angel of God, as Christ Jesus Himself”.

Preparing the way

2008-07-02T11:46:00.000-04:00

In those dark hours the first few days of my daughter Amanda's accident I was told a story....

There was an elderly woman, in her seventies, who was unable to sleep during the late night hours of January 25 and the early morning hours of January 26. Let's call her Martha to make the story easier for us to follow. She had turned on a police scanner and was listening to the local emergency calls.

Amanda's accident happened at approximately 1:35 a.m. Saturday, January 26, 2008. The 911 call came in at 2:02 a.m. Martha's scanner picked up the call to the First Responders. Over the next few hours there was a lot of confusion and a lot of intimate chatter over the airwaves. Martha and her scanner kept abreast of every bit of it. The First Responders were not prepared and did not have adequate equipment to deal with Amanda's injuries. EMTs from the county the accident was in and also the neighboring county were called in but there was a lack of manpower to go around. They lost time and the situation was becoming more critical with the loss of precious time as they tried to get men and equipment. They had to saw trees and remove debris from her and then try to haul her out of a six-foot ditch without injuring her anymore as she bled out and complained of her back hurting. All the emergency people, from the police to the EMTs, thought that Amanda was going to die on the scene and said that over the airwaves and within earshot of Amanda. Martha heard them, too. Martha from the start, 2:03 a.m. was praying that God would have mercy on Amanda, would be with her and would comfort her and take care of her. You see Martha was a spirit filled christian...she had a very personal relationship with Jesus and she knew Amanda needed him! She prayed down on her knees, before any emergency help came to the scene, through getting her into the ambulance, through transporting Amanda across town to meet the helicopter. She prayed as the helicopter flew 50 miles to the medical center and landed on the landing pad of the hospital. It was then that she lost contact with the chatter from the scanner. Amanda was taken into the hospital. That was 4:49 a.m. January 26, 2008.

This faithful servant didn't stop there. She stayed on her knees, feeling the Holy Spirit telling her to continue to pray. Little did Martha know that we had arrived, not knowing what had happened, just that we needed to get to the hospital immediately, at 4:50 a.m. and told that she was taken into emergency surgery. We found out later that she had to be resuscitated. Martha prayed feverishly until about 10 a.m. then went to her grandson's home and enlisted her grandson and his wife (a young couple in their late twenties). The three of them prayed until around 2 p.m. when the wife of the grandson received a call from her mother telling her of Amanda's accident. We were notified that Amanda had come through multiple surgeries and would be taken into the INTENSIVE CARE UNIT soon to see her...that was at 2:30 p.m. January 26, 2008. You see we did not know Martha or the grandson but had grown up with the granddaughter-in-law and her mother. I think the Lord orchestrated this link so that the story would get back to us to offer us comfort, peace, and to show us his compassion, power and righteousness!

This is a true story...before we, Amanda's parents, grandparents, brother, aunts, uncles, priest, friends, all the circle of believers that we would call on to storm heaven with prayers for mercy, protection, deliverance, healing, and God's will...God, who knows all, see all, covers all for his purpose, had chosen a messenger and had Martha on her knees before the Lord! "I will send my messenger ahead of you who will prepare your way before you." Malachi 3:1/Matthew 11:10. Martha is a committed christian who in obedience and righteousness stepped out to cry out to the Lord for Amanda who also loves the Lord..."The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love him.." Psalm 145:17-20a. And because Amanda was fearfully and wonderfully made by God and he created her inmost being God loves her more than we can fathom and has a distinct plan...the scripture that He gave to me as Amanda's banner back in April of 2007 after her head-on-collision..."For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom! I will tell of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds. I will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness! And thank you dear sweet Saint Martha!!!

Not Just a Number!

2008-07-01T11:13:00.000-04:00

I have a thing about hair. I have always wanted and kept long hair, enjoyed all the ways you can style and wear long hair, and even enjoy caring and brushing my hair.

When I first met my husband he had long, dark, thick hair (he has some Cherokee Indian genes). I was envious of how thick and dark his hair was. My daughter was born with a head full of her daddy's dark hair. As she grew, it took on a beautiful auburn red color with sparkling gold highlights when the sun hit it as if it was dusted with gold....thick and beautiful! My son's hair got much attention from me also but for the opposite reason. He was born bald and it wasn't until about 2 years of age that he grew any hair. But when he did it was the cutest blonde curls you could imagine. Not exactly boyish but remember he was a toddler. I loved those curls and couldn't keep my hands from stroking those little curls that covered that head!

Over the past year God has been helping me to dealing with totally putting my trust in him. Most of you know that this year has been a real test for me and my family...my daughter in April of 2007 was hit head-on in her car, then in July of 2007 she had to have emergency surgery, and then again she was in a devastating truck accident, that almost took her life, this January. My son works on two fire departments and is in EMT school, and my husband, who hasn't been without a job since he was 14 years old, has been laid off twice in the last 2 years! Yes, God is doing something in our lives and we are either going to sink or swim and we are swimming like crazy right now!

Anyway, God reminded me of this very small scripture in the book of Matthew but it shouted out to me. "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31

God knows of everything that happens even to the sparrows and he tells us that we are much more important than they are. We are of so much value to him that he knows the number of every hair on our heads! WOW! Because God places such worth, such value on us we should never fear difficult trials. These can't turn God's love from us.

The next time you run your hand through your hair or run your hand through the hair of your family member, the next time you brush your child's hair, or fix your husband's unruly locks, turn your eyes up toward the Father and thank him for having all those hairs numbered...for that is not just a number...that is a heap of love, worth, and protection!

"This is what the Lord says, he who made the earth, the Lord who formed it and established it--the Lord is his name: 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' Jeremiah 33:2-3

From broken to joyous...

2008-03-22T10:35:00.000-04:00

Today in the life of the church is the Easter Vigil. What a difference today must of been for the disciples after the shock and grief over the death of their beloved Savior.

Yesterday, as part of God's plan, the disciples and the crowd, there at the cross, were invited to look upon the most heart wrenching sight of all times....Jesus Christ being crucified...our Lord being crushed, taunted, oppressed, stricken. "He was pierced for our offenses, crushed for our sins...But the Lord laid upon him the guilt of us all" (Isaiah 53:5,6). There was our Lord, suffering isolation, pain, brokenness. The suffering, the pain, the hurt, wasn't just Friday morning...it had happened over a period of time...and he knew it was coming and yet he had to trust in his Father's plan. He was misunderstood and even those close to him were falling away near the end. Nowadays we call times like those "desperate".

God has been good to me to give me lessons in my life that have such meaning that they are hard to forget..."Be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them" (Deuteronomy 4:9). Back in April of 2007, a very good friend and I started to pray together for the protection of our children (we were struggling with totally handing them over to the Lord). That is when the Lord gave me the scripture that became not only Amanda's banner of protection over her, but also a word of comfort, promise, and a teachable lesson to me..."For I have plans for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper, not to harm. Plans for hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11). So, when the accident happened the early morning of January 26, 2008, I knew God had a plan and what that plan was...just like Jesus knew that God had a plan and what that plan was when he sent him down to this earth. During this time of trial and tribulation, we have had to draw our strength and lean on God, our Father, going to him often in pray...just like Jesus had his trials and had to be with his Father in pray.."One of those days, Jesus went out to the mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God" (Luke 6:12). And then on Friday we had the worst day I, Amanda, and my family have ever experienced. When we were in ICU and Amanda was between life and death the days were tough, but we were in shock and so you floated from one day to another. Here on the trauma floor we have so much to deal with. By Friday, we felt so much had happened...Amanda was in so much pain and suffering greatly, we felt isolated, abandoned, betrayed, unwanted, BEATEN! How our feelings in a small way parallels what Jesus must have felt on Friday also.."Abba, Father", he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." (Mark 14:36).

Yet, what happened on Friday doesn't stop with the darkness that covered us for some hours...like it did Jesus.."It was about the sixth hour, and the darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining" (Luke 23:44). Remember way back to my first statement that there must have been such a difference today after all the grief watching Jesus die? When Mary magdalene and her friend and the disciples realized that Jesus was alive as he foretold them they must have been radiant. They must have been filled with such joy that they could hardly contain themselves to see that God's plan had unfolded just the way Jesus had told them even though they didn't quite understand it all at the time. And what joy Jesus must have been experiencing...knowing he was one with his Father. Joy, healing, oneness, deliverance...some words that describe what took place after that ninth hour on Good Friday.

And for us, too! Late Friday afternoon the orthopedic doctor that we have been waiting to see for 6 long weeks paid us a visit. It is not important what he said, instead what is important is God's mercy, God's joy, God's healing, God's deliverance, and God's oneness. It was like at our ninth hour God decided to "tear the curtain" and bring us an "Easter miracle". The doctor didn't have any life changing news but what he did was let God speak through him. God gave us back joy, delivered us from fear and isolation, he made us feel loved and cared for, he reminded us of His plan and that NO HARM will come to Amanda. Through this doctor he drew us close back to Him and held us in his arms and we felt NO separation from our God! KINDA LIKE JESUS DON'T YOU THINK! What a difference there is between the black cloud of Friday and the joy of EAster and what a lesson God has taught me. I feel like I have walk as much in the sandals of Jesus as I can being a human in 2008 and all. I feel closer and have a deeper love for my Saviour today...I also have more JOY today. And my faith has grown.

I have been learning soooo much! This is an Easter weekend I will never forget and I thank my God and my Saviour for loving me enough to let me walk alittle in my Lord and Saviour's shoes. I love my Jesus for his trials and tribulations and for his endurance and I love my God for his plan for my redemption. I also love my God for Amanda and for his steadfastness and for bringing us from broken to joyous!

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Happy Easter to you all!

Suffering but not separated...

2008-03-19T20:45:00.000-04:00

God has moved me to take the time to quietly sit down and once again share with all of you what HE has laid upon my heart.

For those of you who do not know, my daughter, Amanda (age 24), was involved in a devastating truck accident at 1:45 a.m., Jan. 26, 2008. A deer ran out in front of the truck she was a passenger in. She was thrown out of the passenger window into a 6 ft. ditch, a pine tree fell on her and as the truck spun through the woods it sheared scrub trees into the ditch on top of her. She was literally buried in that ditch. From the time of the 911 call to the time she landed on the roof of the hospital in the helicopter, her rescue took 3 hours, which in contrast is only a 50 minute car ride.

When she arrived at the acute trauma hospital, with us just minutes behind, her condition was critical. One of the doctors came by the other day and shared with me about those first few minutes. Upon Amanda's arrival...it was just the seasoned trauma surgeon and himself...he said they were devastated. They didn't expect her to survive the surgeries they and other teams would have to perform, little less survive the trauma done to her body. She had a death blood pressure even though she had managed to stay conscious throughout the whole emergency...only losing consciousness when going into the operating room. She had multiple teams of surgeons working on her...trauma, urology, gynocology, gastrointestinal, cardiology, etc. Amanda was taken into surgery around 5 a.m and it was sometime after 2p.m. that afternoon before we received word that she made it through surgery but would be critical for sometime. She stayed on the critical list for 14 days before listed as guarded. Even after that 14 days, Amanda's life was still threatened by bloodclots, infections, and other complications that were not directly from the injuries but from complications from the surgeries and healing.

Hence, this Saturday, at 5 a.m. we will have been in the hospital for 8 weeks...2 months. She has abdominal issues that go along with her intestines and bowel being severed, her bladder was cut in two, she had 15 units of blood and 7 operations. Her pelvis is crushed in the front, broken in the back and broken at the left hip socket. She has 4 metal pins drilled into her pelvic bones at the hips, which at this point are infected, and an X-fixator that looks like a metal tower rising from her stomach. She was open from her pelvis to her breast bone but when she was closed up the layer of muscle or tissue under the skin called the fascia had retracted to her sides. Therefore, they could only pull the skin closed and so her whole stomach is one big hernia. That will have to be closed at some later time.

I didn't want, at this posting, to go into all the details of Amanda's accident and yet I found myself writing a book. You get the point, so I will stop myself in the middle of all this and leave it for some other time. God has something else in mind for this post!

The last 8 weeks have held very little balance for me. We have lived in some kind of surreal bubble life...life being centered around doctors, nurses, tests and results, medications, etc.. We have very little concept of what is happening outside the walls of this hospital having only been home 3 times in the last 8 weeks. We haven't heard the birds chirp or sat in the warm sun..we have missed the first flowers pushing their little heads up through the ground looking toward the warmth of spring. We have missed that beautiful green carpet that comes in spring that covers the pastures that only God can put down. But, yet coming into this Holy Week I felt a special kind of stirring. That quiet, gentle, loving voice of God. God had told me about a year ago to boldly proclaim a scripture as a banner over Amanda for her protection. "For I have a plan for my dear Amanda", declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper not to harm, plans for hope and a future". Jeremiah 29:11. I have been praying this scripture for almost a year now. It has become clear to me what God means when he speaks of prospering and not harming!

God had to allow his son to go through some terrible, cruel, hurtful, and yes, physically painful times. But, we know, especially because of this week that we celebrate...Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter Sunday...that it was all for such great meaning and purpose! Jesus was going to be taken up to heaven and joined back together as one with His father. The world was going to be redeemed for all sin forever. All of us, from generation to generation, would and will have the opportunity for life eternal. The plan for Jesus through all the hurt, through the suffering, and the pain was not harm but to prosper, was for hope, and a future! And because this was God's plan, God was right there with JEsus every moment, through every pain, through all the suffering and agony. Jesus might have had to suffer to prosper but he was never harmed....Jesus had his Father, his strength, his maker, his creator, the architect of his plan with him at all times. Jesus had to suffer but he was never separated from the love of the Father.

Amanda will not be the Saviour of the world...she won't be redeeming all from sin forever...but as sure as I am a female God has a plan for her and hope and a future! God spoke to me almost a year ago, gently and lovingly and told me Amanda would not be harmed! My God, Amanda's God, has plans for her in this life...plans to prosper...plans for hope and a future. Yes, Amanda has trauma, hardship, pain....but her loving Father is with her every second of every minute of every hour of every day of the rest of her life and beyond because she will suffer but will never be separated from her God!

Thank you all for your prayers and support in this time of need. Please continue to offer Amanda up in prayer as she has a long recovery ahead and will continue to need your spiritual support. Our family has felt the love that has been showered upon us and from the bottom of our hearts it has meant the world to us. The prayers, cards, visits, phone calls, meals, and words of encouragement passed on by word of mouth. It has lifted us up and strengthened our faith. God bless each and everyone of you! The Barnes Family

Radiant Faces

2007-08-01T12:30:00.000-04:00

This past Sunday, I was a visitor at a little country church. In the traditional manner, at a Roman Catholic church, most of the people were on their knees praying. What I observed, though, caused me to pause. Their body language spoke of anguish, pain, suffering. They were very bent over, had their hands covering their faces or either had their heads in their hands. Don’t misunderstand what I am trying to convey. It is not wrong to be reverent…to pour out your heart to the Lord…to be lost in prayer with Him. I am positive that these people were praying heartfelt, sincere prayers and listening to the voice of God. I am not judging them, or saying that I think they were doing anything wrong, it was just something that I noticed. It just struck me and, I must admit, my first thought was how sad they looked in contrast to how happy I was to be sitting there. I find myself smiling a lot in church, even though I have had the occasional time I probably looked a lot like they looked…I love being in church! I feel lifted up by my church family, happy to be giving my time to my Lord, and I feel His presence in a special way at church.

What I observed Sunday, came back to mind again yesterday. My friend and I pray every Tuesday afternoon (a part of the Mom In Touch International) for our children. We pray for a solid hour, deep in prayer, lost in the Holy Spirit. But every Tuesday, when we finish praying and open our eyes we are smiling! As we grinned at each other yesterday and uttered the words that always seem to jump from our lips “that was awesome!”, the imagery of Sunday came back to mind.

Today, I opened my devotion book and the scripture to read was Exodus 34:29-35. That is the scripture on “The Radiant Face of Moses”. God is telling me something! It starts out…”When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the Testimony in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the Lord”. Exodus 34:29. Then in the next verse, “When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant…”. Exodus 34:30. And again in verse 35…”And when he came out and told the Israelites what he had been commanded, they saw that his face was radiant.”

Moses’ face was radiant after he spent time with God. The people around him could clearly see God’s presence within him. We have Christ within us and since he is in us, our faces can reflect Christ. Remember in the book of Matthew, the transfiguration of Jesus….”There he (Jesus) was transfigured before them (Peter, James, and John). His face shone like the sun…” Matthew 17:2. I know that every prayer time with God will not produce a face that can light up a room. Reverence, solemnity, piety and veneration are very holy…they are show our devotion, our holiness…they are a form of worshipping our Father. Our time meditating, praying, and sitting in God’s presence should have such an effect on our lives that people will know we have been with God, that the risen Lord is dwelling within us.

So, if you see a “radiant face” or a “face shinning like the sun” don’t assume that that person’s life is perfect, that they have no trials or tribulations, or that they have it all together. Instead, recognize that that person is a sinner just like you or I, that they have problems and stress just like you and I, and they are covered by the blood of Jesus just like you and I. But they probably and consistently are praying and meditating and sitting in the presence of God and it is our Lord’s presence within them that is making their “face shine like the sun”!

FUN FRIDAY!

2007-07-27T18:00:00.000-04:00

How well do you know the meanings of the names in the BIBLE? After taking this I realized I didn't know very much at all on this topic...so you give it a try! The answers will be printed at the bottom of this post.

1: Who was blessed with laughter when her son was born, and named him accordingly? Sarah...Rachel...Leah...Rebekah

2: What does the name "Adam" mean? man, or blue sky....man, or red earth...man, or green grass...man, or rocks of earth

3: When Naomi retured to Bethlehem, to what name, meaning "bitterness", did she change her name? Sarah...Mary...Hannah...Mara

4: Whose name means "my judge is God"? Samuel...Daniel...Ezekiel...Jaaziel

5: Which of Jesus' titles means "the anointed"? Lord...Jesus...Emmanuel...Christ

6: What does the name "Elisha" mean? my God is faithful.....my God is salvation...my God is king...my God is joyful

7: Which disciple's name means "manly"? Peter...James...Andrew...Matthew

8: Which man's name changed from meaning "requested" to meaning "little"? Abraham...Jacob...Peter...Paul

9: What does the prefix "Bar" mean in a name? son of...house of...tree of...light of...

10: Which king had a name which means "healer"? Josiah...Asa...Soloman...Jereboam

Next Friday I will post 10 new questions so study up!

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 100 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."

Today is four weeks since my daughter's surgery...she is healing fine and we can finally laugh a little. Here are ten things you hope never to hear in surgery...in celebration have a laugh!

What's this doing in here?

DARN! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

You sure it wasn't this leg?

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

There go the lights again...

Here's a brain teaser...

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE- SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF- IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

Now count aloud the ' F' s in that sentence.
Count them ONLY ONCE; do not go back and count them again. The answer is at the bottom.

Answers: 1. Sarah 2. man, red earth 3. Mara 4. Daniel 5. Christ 6. God is salvation 7. Andrew 8. Paul 9. son of 10. Asa

Answer to brain teaser: There are six F's in the sentence. One of average intelligence finds three of them. If you spotted four, you're above average. If you got five, you can turn your nose at most anybody. If you caught six, you are a genius. There is no catch. Many people forget the OFs. The human brain tends to see them as "V's" instead of "F's".

Being Pursued

2007-07-26T22:41:00.001-04:00

As a woman, and a romantic at heart, I love the idea of a man pursuing a woman. The definition of pursue…”to follow, to seek, to find, to chase”. When I was young the thought of a young man seeking me and then chasing me was something right out of movies like “An Affair to Remember”. I was pursued some 30 years ago by a very handsome young man who caught me so that special kind of pursuit, for me, is over.

But I was thinking yesterday that I have been being pursued… pursued every single day, every single hour, every single minute of my whole life. I have a God in heaven that pursues me every second of this life. My God is following me, he is seeking me, and yes, he has chased me! He is relentless, focused, and unwavering in his want to “catch” me. He has put his whole being into me…even more than that…he even gave his only son in pursuit of me. In contrast to some 30 years ago, this pursuit doesn’t matter if I’m charming or beautiful...if I have social skills or status. To this holy pursuer it doesn’t matter whether I make mistake or make all the right steps in life. I still get pursued! His constancy, his devotion in pursuit of me is always and forever.

That takes me to a hard look at myself and my pursuit of my God and King. Is my pursuit of my Lord and Saviour aggressive? Am I seeking a relationship with him unceasingly? Do I him follow him relentlessly? Is my pursuit of being one with him focused and unwavering?

Take this little test and see how you would rate as a “pursuer” of our Heavenly Father. The great news is however we rate ourselves it doesn’t matter to our God….we will still be pursued. He is so enamoured with us that he will continue to pursue us despite anything we have done or haven’t done…whether we are on the social register or homeless…whether we are beautiful or need plastic surgery…whether we welcome him or push him away. What a love story! Looks like tomorrow I’ll be pursuing my Saviour in a whole new way…focused, unceasing, aggressive. What about you?

We all have times of testing!

2007-07-23T14:23:00.000-04:00

Years ago, when I was in the midst of raising a young family, James Dobson was steadily rising in the ranks of "prominent, know-all authority" in child raising. I, like most of the young moms back then, read his books, listened to her talks on the radio, and discussed his thoughts with other moms. Listening, changing, and the desire to do the right thing has never been a problem for me. In my spiritual life I have never been rebellious... I have always been eager to listen to others and God about how to become closer to God...been willing to change because I long to please my Father...had a desire to love and serve Him to the best of my ability. But, I never thought I handled the trials and tribulations very well.

The problem, for me, was and is that I am a follower not a leader. I have the type of personality that wants someone to direct me...not in theory but literally. One of the things, to this day, that stands out for me was James Dobson telling us mothers "not to let our children throw a temper tantrum at the grocery store." This was a problem I was having at the time...grocery shopping being a war zone. It seemed like when we passed through the threshold of the grocery store we stepped right into another world...one of bad attitudes, disobedience, and general mayhem. We would have a "little talk" outside in the car but the end result was always the same...bad! I clearly remember talking with my girlfriends and asking," but how? If someone would just tell me exactly how not to let her pitch a fit I will do it!" I remember my mother coming to the rescue and answering my questions...not in theory but literally. I literally followed her advise and it worked!

At this point you might be saying, "where is all this dribble going?" I do have a point...My life over the last 2 years has been the hardest it has ever been. Have I handle the hard times well? It doesn't feel like I have. The trials of my life started 2 years ago with the end of homeschooling and the end of my identity as I have known it for the past 25 years. Then my husband was laid off and had to start all over again. Then I stepped out in faith and went to college, which is definitely not my comfort zone...and most recently my daughter's accident and then emergency surgery. I have struggled with loneliness, fear, confusion, shame and condemnation. Sometimes I have felt so worn down that I have almost given up. Did you hear me say almost! One of the questions asked when we go through times of testing is "where is my faith?" Actually, as long as we are hanging in there we are walking in faith (belief in something we can't see)...we are still talking (well maybe crying out) to God. We are laying ourselves at his feet. We are searching his word and asking our brothers and sisters for prayers. Almost doesn't mean anything! "I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him. The Lord is good to me because my hope is in him, to me because I seek him." But the devil is beside us whispering in our ears. He is telling us that we are doing everything wrong and nothing right. Our guard is put down and before long he has stirred up in us shame, confusion, loneliness and condemnation. I have been told over and over to give it all over to the Lord. But, for me being a follower, what does that mean?

The answer goes against everything we are taught in the world. We might not get immediate gratification...holy moley! We have to think of our trials as battles in a war. Before our soldiers go to war they have to go through training, get suited up, equip themselves with the tools to fight and then go into battle. Let me tell you this...battles are not won in a day! Even in today's world with all the sophisticated equipment, battles can be fought for days, months, years, and even centuries (look at Israel). Not every trial or problem in this life is solved immediately. Every feeling and emotion doesn't automatically come under control as soon as we offer up a prayer. It is a process...it is a battle and each one is fought and won in it's own time. "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. Psalm 130:5-6". There is no Commander-in-Chief that has more power than our Commander-in-Chief, and every battle is eventually won under his leadership. In that we can put total trust. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13. Keeping that in the forefront of our mind, we need to do the training, get suited up and equip ourselves to fight as long as we need to. Our Commander-in-Chief knows all, is in control, and is leading us even when we don't feel like we are being lead or even following very well.

All this isn't new revelation...we as Christians already know what I have just said but sometimes we need to hear it again, see it in print, be reminded of the truth. "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5. So being a follower instead of a leader let me put specifics down to help with the battle:

Every single day confess your sins. Be real, even if it seems like it is the same sin day after day. Don't let Satan lie to you (like he does me) and tell you what a mess you are because you are having trouble battling an area of your life. Lack of confessing to God doesn't make fear, or shame, or condemnation go away, instead in confessing it, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES, shows how much we really need God's help and also how much we want his help. "But I will call on God, and the Lord will rescue me. Morning, noon, and night I plead aloud in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice. He rescues me and keeps me safe from the battle waged against me, even though many still oppose me." Psalm 55:16-18.
Do spiritual warfare. Using the name of Jesus, command Satan to leave your thoughts and stop playing with your emotions. Again, don't expect your thoughts and feelings to change overnight but keep waging the battle in the "name of Jesus". Pray that your ears will become deaf to the sound of his voice and that your emotions will be numbed to any evil attacks. Ask God to be in control of bringing HIS joy to your thoughts and emotions. As you recognize each lie replace it with truth. It might take some time to recognize the attacks (he comes as a wolf in sheep's clothing) but as soon as you clue in pray, sing, rejoice! Push him out!
Read your bible...for me that was hard because as soon as I got quiet Satan seemed to enter my thoughts. It was hard to be still and not be distracted. Get a concordance and look up specific passages..protection, mercy, grace...look them up and then write them down. That was a help to me rather than just picking a book of the bible and trying to stay focused on reading it. The important thing is that you are bathing yourself in the bible, HIS word, God's truth. "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every work." 2 Timothy 3:16-17.
Pray! Pray for strength, wisdom, protection, and growth. Pray for a deeper relationship with him and be sure to give over your will to him for his perfect will. As I sat in that doctor's office 3 weeks ago, and heard the doctor say that they might have to do a full hysterectomy on my only, single, 24-year-old daughter I honestly was able to put fear and control aside ask him to do his will. Oh, I asked him to have mercy and keep her body intact but I was really able to tell him that I would accept his will. I was able to tell God that I knew whatever happened He would be doing the best for her! Pray, pour out your heart to him. "Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, O Lord you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." Psalm 5:1-3
Do not isolate yourself. Spend time in the fellowship of other believers. Draw from their joy, their love, their faith. No matter what comes our way we need people, relationships, and companionship. Let the people around you encourage you, make you laugh, lift you up and give you break from the "serious life". "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:23-25.
And finally...bet you thought you would never get to the end!...exercise, eat well and get the proper amount of sleep. All studies show that in times of stress we need our to keep healthy to keep our stress levels under control. I know from personal experience that I come under more attack and have a harder time battling when I am worn down. Physical strength is important to spiritual strength.

This post is really, really long but I feel like the Lord has used my circumstances to help others and if I don't write about it then I will not be doing HIS will. I hope this post has been an encouragement or a help to someone. We all have or will pass through times of testing...each test for us unique to our makeup...what might not be a trial to one might be a very hard test for another. But whatever the trial is God knows about it, is with us, and will bring us through it stronger, wiser, and with more compassion for others. Let's help each other....FOR HIS GLORY AND FOR THE LIFE THAT IS ETERNAL.

Thinking we are smarter and bigger than GOD!

2007-07-20T11:42:00.000-04:00

I am going to be honest…I have a problem distinguishing between CONTROL and RESPONSIBILITY. In talking with other moms, I have found that I am not the only one out there that crosses the line from responsibility to control. In defense of “us” it is an easy trap to fall into. As moms we have to take responsibility for our children, the running of our homes, the family’s social agenda, and a whole lot more. From the time our children are babies we control almost everything in their lives….when and what they eat, where and who they play with, what they wear, when they sleep, when they awake, what they watch, read, and discuss….the list continues. We are being responsible moms.

As our children grow, the control is suppose to lessen but for most of us we find that very hard to do. One reason is because we have trained ourselves to micromanage the actions, words, and even thoughts of our children. We are not bad parents, we are human and take the responsibility of raising and caring for our children seriously. Here lies the problem…we begin operating under a false pretense, a false sense of security. We control because we want to keep the people and things around us healthy, happy, and safe. We fall into thinking that if everything and everyone is under our control, then life will be free from worry or pain. That is what happened to me during the last 13 weeks.

I needed to stick to just being a responsible parent…. Keeping her comfortable, getting her to the doctor’s appointments on time, doling out her medicines, keeping her on a healthy diet, taking care of the insurance needs, helping her deal with her school and teachers, etc. Instead I forgot who was in control…fooled myself into thinking it was me, which in turn brought me nothing but worry, anxiety, confusion, and depression. Isn’t it funny…did I really believe I was smarter than God…did I really believe I could control life better than God? To be honest again, I guess I did…but I couldn’t and can’t and will not ever be able to!

I have a responsibility as a mother and that responsibility is not to control but to release the control of my children into the hands of our wise and loving Father. I have a responsibility as their mother to pray for them, asking God to do his mighty work in them in ways I can’t imagine. I have a responsibility to pray for God’s protection and guidance over my children. I have the responsibility to pray that my children will recognize God’s great power at work in their lives….Ephesians 1:18-20, “I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms.”

There may be times when we need to lovingly suggest a change of course to our children or wisely petition against a dangerous decision. We can suggest, impart our wisdom, and be loving and caring but we need to leave the control and power to God! This has not been the first time in my life I have tried to take over God’s job and control things on this earth. And it probably won’t be the last time. But when I start to feel myself sliding down that slippery slope, trying to use my power to control the safety, the health, the happiness of my children, I will pray these words of encouragement that Paul gave to the Corinthian church:

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 1 Corinthians 4: 6-9.

Thank you, Lord, for helping me through this time of trials. Thank you for using this time to teach me to "set my mind on things above". Continue to help me turn my heart and mind toward you and your truth so that I, through your power, may gain a more eternal perspective. AMEN!

EVERY SINGLE MORNING!

2007-07-18T19:11:00.000-04:00

One thing I struggled with during the weeks following my daughter accident was fear and anxiety. In my head I knew God had covered her in his protection during the actual minutes of impact and even in the minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months that followed. In my head I knew God was in control and protecting us but it was harder to hold that in my heart. I believe, though, that because of the stress, the lack of sleep, the nursing that had to be done, plus the duties that come along with being a student and a mother I was weakened to the attacks of Satan. I was at my most venerable....an open door for him to walk through.

Satan knew that door had been opened and he boldly marched right in. The fear, the anxiety, the condemnation came on slowly...at first it seemed like I was holding it all together rather well. But little by little I became overwhelmed with one terrible thought...we have used up our one "get out of jail free" card...this is our one big miracle...what will we do in the future? As she lay on the couch coughing and running a fever I could only sit quietly trying to fight the condemnation that would consume me. Looking at her swollen, bruised, ash-colored foot I would feel so panicked I would feel sick to my stomach. When her foot would go numb and turn purple I would not be able to breathe little less pray or think logically. As she hung over the toilet throwing up I would feel so helpless that it was hard to be in the same room with her.

You might be thinking "and this woman is a christian? Why didn't she pray?" Oh, I prayed, and prayed, and prayed. I fought Satan, I denounced Satan, I, in the name of Jesus, commanded him to stop speaking to me. I called on the name of Jesus, I cried out to my God, and I begged for his help.

Yet, this one evening, I knew there was not much fight left in me...I was tired, discouraged, overwhelmed, and I felt very alone. My daughter asked me if I would drive her into town to get watermelons painted on her toenails. I gladly agreed, knowing that after all she had been through this would be good therapy and I was also just glad to see her wanting to get out. As we drove along one of the major highways she said, "Mom, I'm a little worried. I can't feel my toes, my foot has been a funny color and there has been a big lump below my knee. You do think everything alright don't you?" All I could do was smile a fake, pretend smile and respond with a "I'm sure everything is alright but Monday we will call the doctor". Inside I thought I was going to be sick...I was clutching the steering wheel, I felt everything spinning, my chest was hurting, I couldn't concentrate on the highway, in fact, I don't know how I made it to the Nail Salon.

That was my low point...the lowest! When we parked the car my daughter invited me inside to sit with her but I asked to use her cell phone and chose to sit in the car. After some hysterical tears I called one of my big sisters. God really used her that terrible evening...she didn't say anything that I didn't already know or that I hadn't heard before but she keep me from going over the edge. She remind me of the stress that I had been under, that I was human, that all the things in my mind was really an attack from Satan, and that God really was right there with me. Thank you my big sis and thank you Lord for giving me a sister that loves you so much.

After our conversation that evening, and for days after that, the Lord kept bringing to me the scripture that states that His mercies are new every morning. I have known that scripture all my life but on that evening, and in the days that followed, he taught me that scripture. I was speaking with a friend and she said that every morning his mercy is like a whole, new, fresh harvest. I love my gardenia bushes and in the summer I love to go out every day there are flowers on the bush and pick a whole apron full to put throughout my home. That is like His mercies. His gardenia bush of mercies blooms to the fullest every...EVERY single morning for me, for my children, for my husband, for my family....for all of his children. Our God is a God that never runs out of gardenias...never runs out of mercy for us. With God it is not a game that is played...we land on the right spot and we receive the "get out of jail free" card...oh, no with our Lord's great love we are not consumed, he is steadfast, his compassion never fails. His mercies are never ending and his compassion is greater than any trial, any hardship, any doubt, and yes, even any attack from the enemy.

The devil hit me and hit me hard for weeks. But he didn't prevail....GOD DID! God has strengthened me, protected me, loved me, fought for me, and taught me. He has freshened an old scripture for me...it didn't come easy and it didn't come fast but it is definitely a valuable lesson. This lesson I will hold onto for a very long time!

"It is of the Lord's great mercies that we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22

Does the journey end?

2007-07-16T03:17:00.000-04:00

Thirteen weeks ago, Monday, April 16th, my daughter was in a head on automobile crash. She was coming home from school, about 11:15 a.m. and a truck, coming from the opposite direction was forced over the center lane of traffic and hit my daughter's car head on. She had to be cut from her vehicle with the "jaws of life" and taken to the ER on a backboard and neck brace.

Praise God her injuries were not life threatening, but the crash did cause substanial damage. We have been dealing with a foot broken in two places and a broken ankle on her left leg, a sprain on her right ankle, deep shoulder bruising on the left side, and multiple bruising and swelling over her arms and legs. She developed bronchitis during the few days after the accident. She has had two casts put on and then was moved into a "star wars" type boot that is unattractive and clumsy. She has developed two hematomas on her right ankle (the sprained one). During the first 3+ weeks she has had only one shower and one bath. Our first attempt at a shower, thinking we had the cast securely wrapped and waterproofed, only ended in a wet cast, much emotional upset, a $1,000.00 bill, and an exhausting trip to the orthopedic doctor for a recast. After about a week, we attempted a tub bath only to discover that it is not as easy as it sounds. The tubs in our house are great for soaking but not custom made for someone who has to hang their leg over the side. We found the tub to be too big and she ended up sliding around and needed pain medicine after that small ordeal. So, we have been left to washing hair in the sink and taking sponge baths. Also, she experienced seven episodes of vomiting and stomach pain in the first eight weeks of recuperation; that was explained away by the doctors with logical reasoning...adverse reaction to antibiotics, too much pain medicine, stomach flu. On Friday, June 29, after spending all night in the emergency room, being discharged and then having a late morning appoinment with her GYN, she was rushed into emergency surgery for a three hour operation. She had some masses, not cancerous, that were present but not detected before the accident, but due to the force of the impact of the collison these "dermoids" were forced down in a place they were not suppose to reside. They pushed her ovaries behind her uterus, thus twisting her ovaries, causing extreme pain, possible loss of ovaries, and possible loss of life. Our appointment with the doctor was at 11 a.m.....signed consent papers at 2 p.m. and was wheeled into a three hour surgery at 4:20 p.m. She pulled through major surgery, was in the hospital for 4 days. All this in the last 13 weeks!

Those are the physical injuries...now to the mental upset. She slept in the living room on the couch with me on the love seat for the first two weeks, afraid to be at the other end of the house by herself. During the next three weeks she slept some nights in her bed but was not back there every night. Her emotions have been fragile..tearing up easily and needed to be reassured she did nothing wrong! She missed four weeks of school, which could have affect her chances of getting into the nursing program in the spring of next year. She has a great job working for our pediatrican, but was not able to work for the first eight weeks. She was back to work for one week and three days when the surgery came up. Now she will be out another 6 weeks. The loss of school and work had an isolating affect on her, separating her from her friends and relationships she has day to day, which did nothing to help her mental health. She was unable to drive for about the first five weeks, which meant she was stuck with mom taking her back and forth to school and doctors, which are the only places she was able to go. She has experienced pain daily and when we take one step forward we then stumble two backward. She was afraid to drive, although she was able to overcome that but now the problem is we are adjusting to sharing a car (though her driving is limited because of surgery)...her car was totaled. That brings tears to her eyes...that particular car meant a great deal to her. When she started driving "Mr. and Mrs. Daisy", her grandparents, six years ago it was that car they took on all their trips. Long trips but also day trips to Atlanta and Columbia, S.C. They counted on her, bragged on her driving skills and bonded in an incredible way. When they purchased a new car a year ago they passed this car down to her telling her that in their mind it always was her car! She has told us many times how even though the car was ten years old she would want no other. That car was filled with memories and a connection! Then there are the phone calls from the other two parties insurance agents. One of them has been pleasant over the phone but certainly has an agenda. She has repeatly passed on conjecture, assumption, and "their side of the story" even though none of what she has said is fact. The agent for the other driver was rude, cold, and arrogant. She also felt the need to tell my daughter their "version of what happened." NONE of this is necessary...my daughter is a victim, she didn't see anything except a white, big truck hitting her windshield and then her car started spinning! There is no decision for us to make as to who is at fault and I don't want my daughter brought into this mess! This unecessary interrogation and conclusions from these agents hasn't helped her at all! I told a friend this morning that every day thus far has held for us a snag, a twist or an obstacle.

I was coming home from school that very day...just 30 minutes after her. I came upon the traffic backed up and as I sat there I saw her car being hoisted on the wrecker. There it was...broken, tattered, one door missing, and the windshield busted to bits! As I frantically drove to the emergency room...I am the only person in my family that doesn't have a cell phone so I was unable to call anyone.... I remember praying that she was not seriously injured, that God would be there with her so she would not be alone, and wishing it had been me instead of my precious child.

I sit here today to acknowledge and to shout out the blessings my Lord and Saviour has heaped upon my family!!! As I was trying to keep myself pulled together on that drive to the ER a song keep playing in my head...the verse that was ringing in my ears was "would you take the nails from HIS hands." That song, for me, is driving home the point of how much we should love our Lord...how much he loves us! I can tell you that as the verse rang through my mind I was inwardly telling the Lord that I would have gladly been in the car instead of my beloved daughter. And he said to me..."I love as you love...I took those nails in my hands for you and for Amanda...I love her more than you can fathom...I am with her." And with her He truly was!

First, it is a true miracle that she survived the crash...the state patrol, the EMT's, the police and firemen...all who responded to the wreck have told us that. Second, there was another student from Amanda's class, someone she knew who "just happened" to work in the ER. She "just happened" to be right behind Amanda's car. She immediately came to Amanda's aid...trying to keep Amanda calm and called my husband. Together the two of them decided which hospital to take Amanda to...the one this young woman worked at so Amanda wouldn't be alone until we arrived. Then the is the woman we refer to as the "woman in pink". We don't know anything about her except that Amanda saw her for a brief minute, knew she was wearing pink and could hear her praying nonstop. Amanda said even though she couldn't see anything...they had her covered while they cut the door off the car...she heard this woman praying and praying and praying. My daughter told me how this woman really helped her to stay calm and what a comfort it was.

My niece who is older than Amanda and a true big sis to her and works right across the street from the emergency room was able to get to Amanda first . God provided comfort to her...her big sis! Then one of Amanda's aunts arrived..both of them there to reassure her. The doctor working the ER happened to be our neighbor so there again was God provision. We ended up with quite a crowd...grandmother, 2 aunts, 3 cousins, best friend and then mom and dad. Love and prayer pouring out over her! All by the hand of God.

Then there is the blessings at school....Amanda switched schools just 3 wks. before the accident and is now attending the same college I am. Our classes during the spring quarter overlapped...she needed to be there one hour earlier than I but our day ended at the same time. Again, God knew the future...He knew there was going to be this accident, I am positive of that! For the weeks she missed a friend and I were able to get Amanda's tests from her teachers and bring them home to her. Also, being in the same school together I had many opportunities to daily keep in touch with the teachers for her sake. God knew which teachers to supply for Amanda...those teachers showed her great mercy, compassion and caring! They are the cream of the crop as far as people! They were patient, understanding, caring, and merciful to her. In fact, the whole school showed great concern. Teachers I don't even know came up to me and sincerely asked about her health and healing process. God knew and lined up our future to put Amanda in the best place she could be.

There is my friend Claudia...she has come to my house every Tuesday afternoon since the first week and help me storm heaven with prayer. We pray for a solid hour for our children...having praise, thanksgiving, confession, and then petitions. This prayer time has been a lifesaver for me...getting lost in His presence and letting the spirit move throughout me. I couldn't do without this special time of prayer but I also know that there are many brothers and sisters that are out there keeping us lifted up in prayer. My sister had called a friend that knows our whole family, the youth minister of her church to ask him to pray. That was that Friday of the surgery...that Sunday when she went to church and had many questions about the outcome of her nieces surgery, it came to her attention that this wonderful young man had sent out an e-mail to the entire church. God bless him and his faithfulness.

God's protection surrounded her with also a wonderful doctor who did they surgery just 3 weeks ago. He is blessed with the name of John Paul...what a wonderful name to go along with a wonderful servant. My family...husband, son, mom, sisters, close friends, and priest surrounded us with their prayers, support, and encouragement. God brought to us the best nurses...kind, compassionate, caring and good at their job. That was a must in that we, at this point have been physically, emotionally, and yes, spirtually exhausted. But HE has kept His promises to us.."His mercies are new every morning ."

Over the last 13 weeks we, in this family have often looked at one another and asked openly, "Is this journey everrrrrrr going to end?" I have come to realize that the answer is NO...at least not in this life! Everyday is a part of the journey of drawing closer to our Lord, giving over of ourselves to him, letting him take control of the reins of our lives, experiencing His fullness, His mercy, His protection, His compassion, HIS PLAN for us. This life is a life of experiences, easy, hard, good, and bad. This is a life that is a battle...a battle with our humaness, a battle with Satan, a battle with THIS world. This life is a life of being molded into the likeness of our Father, of being stretched and challenged to build our faith and dependence on our Creator. This life is about learning to call on our Lord's power and might when we are just to tired, afraid, confused and helpless to carry on another step. This life is about trusting in his word, rejoicing in all circumstances, and acknowledging his steadfastness. This life is a life of humbling accepting the prayers, help, and love of the brothers and sisters he puts in our lives. And this life is a lifelong journey He has planned for us, allows us to be on, and accompanies us on...never leaving our side while we learn to lay ourselves at His feet, allowing him to transform us, following Him through whatever He leads us...."In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory." Ephesians 1:11-12

THANK YOU DEAR FATHER FOR THIS JOURNEY CALLED LIFE ON EARTH....TO YOU AND FOR YOU BE ALL THE PRAISE AND GLORY!

Holy Friday

2007-04-06T20:57:00.000-04:00

What a day! Not for me but for our Lord and Saviour. I attended our Good Friday service this afternoon...it is also a veneration of the cross. I can't help it...for as long as I have been going, for as much as my mind knows that the real physical event happened 2,000 years ago, my heart breaks and when I go to kiss the feet of Jesus I weep!

Let me tell you a little story....there was a young man who died and went to hell. His pastor, who loved him, went down to hell to see if he could get him moved up to heaven. No luck. The young man's teachers and coach went down. Still no luck. His friends went down and pleaded his case. And again..no luck. Finally, his mother went down, knocked on the door of hell. When the devil opened the door she asked if she could be admitted to be with her son. There is no greater love than that of a mother...ahhhh, but there is....that of our heavenly father! Just as a mother's love for us is so encompassing that she was willing to sacrifice all to be at her son's side so much more is the love our FATHER has for us. He chose humaness. He experienced saddness, rejection, anguish, loneliness, and, yes, pain when at any time he could have chosen differently. He did it for your parents, your children, your friends, your enemies...he did it for you and me!

I gained alot from church last night...think about this. We all wear badges of love. A mother wears spit-up on her shoulder...her badge of love for her baby. Think about the flour sprinkled in a mother's hair and on her apron from spending the day in the kitchen baking her child's birthday cake...her badge of love for her child. How about the grease under a father's fingernails after fixing his young son's bicycle or his older son's car...his badge of love for his son. And don't forget the wedding rings that couples wear...yes, their badge of love for each other. Then what of the cross...that is the badge of our Saviour's love for us. Invision this...Jesus carried a long ladder over to the cross, crawled up the ladder and onto his badge of love for us...THE CROSS! Picturing him carrying the ladder and crawling up onto the cross helps to remind me that it was deliberate...purposely done...as he mounted those stairs he could have turned back at any time. But, no HE CRAWLED onto that cross deliberately and purposely so that he could wear that badge of love for us! For me, no words adequately describe the depth and breath of his love for us. I just know it is there, how big it is and how grateful I am for such a gift. Not just for myself but for my children, my siblings, my parents, my friends and yes, even my enemies.

So, tonight I am a little quieter than normal, a little meeker, a little more reflective, a little more poignant...on the other hand I am overflowing with thankfulness, gratitude, and honor. But most of all I am feeling definitely loved!

Happy Easter to all! Rejoice and declare his holy name...

Simply True Love

2007-04-05T11:41:00.000-04:00

I was disturbed by some articles and postings I read this morning. The opinions were ones I had heard before but had paid little attention to but for some reason this morning they saddened me! Out there are pages and pages of controversy about whether Jesus really died on Friday, whether the Bible commands us to wash each other's feet in church services tonight and if it was really Easter Sunday that he arose! These controversies reminded me of John 13:6-8 and Simon Peter's hold on legalism. Is this really what Jesus wanted us to gain from HIS ultimate sacrifice!

Remember I am a retired homeschooling mom and believe that you need to study your bible and understand what is being said. You should have opinions but this week and this week in particular you should be focusing on the meat of the passages. Do I care if Jesus was born on December 25?! NO! But I am definitely going to celebrate the birth of our king. Likewise, I don't care whether the washing of the disciples feet and the last supper was on a Thursday in April or a Monday in May! I have been going to Maunday Thursday services for my entire life. I have watched, while people I have greatly respected and admired have pulled off their shoes and socks. I have wept while my pastors, whom in my eyes are greatly respected, have knelt in front of their parishioners and humbly washed their feet! Then, for all my life, I sat at the Lord's table and taken his body and blood knowing what darkness there will be tomorrow for Jesus but what light that will be for me! For years I have felt the spirit of God move through our church during these symbolic gesture. I have seen others so moved, as I, by a taste of the realization of the enormity of Jesus' love for us through the washing of his disciples feet and the taking of his body and blood.

Yes, the service tonight might be mandated by some churches' doctrine...But it is to help bring us closer to God and to help us better understand His plan which unfolds in scripture! I read the following once about the events of this week and I am going to quote it because I could say it no better..."The meaning, then, is that Jesus, having loved his disciples prior to this great trial or crisis of his life, was not deterred from loving them by its approach, but continued to give the most precious and unmistakable evidences of his love down to the very hour of its arrival, being neither driven from such a course by the terrors of his coming hour nor wooed from it by the glorious prospects of returning to his Father". Tonight, all over the world, pastors will kneel at the feet of their parishioners in hopes of bringing God's word alive, to help open a tiny window into the sacrifice of Jesus for us, to honor and acknowledge the immense love that the Father has for us. Millions of people will come together at the Lord's table hearing the words,"Take it; this is my body....This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many". And poured out it will be tomorrow.

Over and over in the gospels there are tokens and evidence of his immense love for us. Being in human form Jesus was going to experience the betrayal, the torture, the anguish. As as he wept on Palm Sunday in Luke 19:40.. "As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it and said, 'If you, even, you had only known on this day what would bring you peace..'", he also was sorrowful in the garden that night after the last supper..."My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me." Matthew 26:38. And then this verse is very powerful..."And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground." Luke 22:44. HIS love is so big, so infinite, so perfect, so encompassing, so immense that, even knowning what was before him, he chose to give his life for us.

There were disciples that missed the "meat" of what was happening. They brought a certain amount of legalizing and arrorgance into the last days of Jesus instead of grabbing the hem of his garments and spending those last days and hours close to our Father physically, emotionally and spiritually. And today, on christian web sites I see the same things happening. But I want to fully embrace the sacrifice and leave the debates and skeptism of when, how, and if to others. Last Sunday, I wanted to jump on that donkey with Jesus and hold onto him while he rode through the streets...couldn't do that but I was in church reaching my palms to the heavens and loudly proclaiming the hyms. Tonight, I will hang my head humbly when I see Jesus in the body of my pastor as he washes the feet of my fellow brothers and sisters. Tomorrow, I will gingerly and tenderly kiss the feet of my crucified Lord as he hangs on the cross in our wonderful sanctuary. And finally, on Sunday, I will put on my best dress and hat and joyfully exalt the name of my precious Saviour. After all, that is the least I can do for the one who sacrificed so much for me because he loves me with the purest and simplest form of "true love".

"I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them...I am telling you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe that I am HE; I tell you the truth, whoever accepts anyone I send accepts me and whoever accepts me accepts the one who sent me. John 13:15-17,10-20

Three in One vs. Four in One

2007-04-03T18:31:00.000-04:00

How big is this week to you? It is a really big week for me. This week is a three-in-oner! It is spring vacation, Master's Week (one of the most prestigious PGA tournaments) and Holy Week .
The schools, including the colleges and universities, in the area are always given the week of the Master's golf tournament off. It is one of the most important tournaments of the circuit and played right here in our town. Some residents of our fair town rent their homes out to patrons coming to the tournament. A large portion of us work the tournament, either inside the grounds...gift shops, resturants, maintanence, housekeeping...or double shifts in town to handle the visitors that come in. There are sporting event companies that bring groups of people here and they need van drivers and hostesses for their clients. Thousands of people descend on our southern doorstep and transform it into one big happy town. The sun shines, the azaleas are in bloom, the dogwoods glisten and, especially if you like golf, LIFE IS GOOD.

Spring break!!! Not much needs to be said. Breaking out of the winter doldrums with a trip to the lake or the beach or just having time to work out in the garden is much needed by now. I remember when I was a young person in school (versus an old person in school) and I knew that spring vacation meant that the end of school was approaching soon! In school, on Friday, there was an air of lightheartedness. There was alot of joking and laughing and not much schooling. Everyone was talking about what they were going to do this week. In fact, on Friday, attendance was down. Some decided to leave early for their spring vacation. Whether you physically go somewhere or not, whether you have some big plans to work or attend the Master's, whether you have things to get done at home or just want to rest, LIFE IS GOOD.

That got me to thinking about Holy Week. Jesus started this week off, on the surface, in an exciting way. He was the center of attention and was hailed as he rode through the streets. Jews threw their cloaks onto the road and others laid down branches that they had cut from their fields. "...the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen: 'Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest'". Luke 19:37-38

But yet Jesus knew what was coming. He knew what was ahead this week. He knew in this one week he was going from being hailed as a king to having his authority challenged, to being betrayed by one of his own, being arrested and tried, tortured, humiliated and then hung on a wooden cross to die a slow and horrendous death. The following little passage spoke volumes to me because knowing what lay ahead for himself Jesus loved enough to weep and feel compassion for others.."as he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it and said, 'If you,even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace-but now it is hidden from your eyes...because you did not recognize the time of God's coming to you.'" Luke 19:41, 44b.

This week I can choose the three-in-oner...or I have another option...a four-in-oner! We have a schedule of events this week that are unsurpased. Forget spring break and the Master's golf tournament. Instead we can focus on our Master's week...the second option. This week is enormous in our spiritual lives. We have four life changing events...the triumphant entrance into Jerusalem, the last supper, the crucifixation, and the resurrection. How much time have you spent since Sunday praying and studying and talking to God? Are we spending as much time spiritually contemplating where Jesus is headed this week as we are worrying about the temps at the beach? Is this just another holiday...travel and sightseeing to accomplish, presents and clothes to shop for, a big meal to focus on, guests to entertain? Do we have as much emotion for the spiritual events of this week as we do for the events of a golf tournament or how our vacation will turn out? Is this week just a passing thought or have you spent time really taking in the events of this week? How many excuses are we going to find to not attend church on Thursday and Friday?

In this one week all came together...Jesus is establishing God's eternal kingdom, a reason for the greatest celebration of all. How much honor are we giving to it?! Give yourself a little test to see and then, if need be, adjust your priorities. Fall at the feet of our Lord and ask him to help you to honor His sacrifice, not just in our talk but in our walk. Try to keep your focus on what our Saviour is doing each day this week so that you can be humbled and truly grateful for this ultimate sacrifice. And don't worry, I will be back on Thursday and Friday to give you more to think about!

"What I have said I will bring about; what I have planned, that will I do...I am bringing my righteousness near it isnot far away; and my salvation will not be delatyed. I will grant salvation to Zion, my splendor to Israel" Issaiah 47:11b,13

Learning from time in the desert

2007-04-01T19:30:00.000-04:00

Yes, I am back after a loooong spell away...Jesus spent forty days in the desert, I have spent six months there! Well, not really in the desert, just in school. At times, talking spiritually, it has seemed like the desert. Instead of studying the historical books, I have had my nose stuck in medical terminology and anatomy. I yearn to be an expert on the book of Isaiah but instead have become quite knowledgable in Microsoft Word. But my life is changing, just as the life of Jesus is changing dramatically this week. I will talk about my life later, right now I am desperate to share with you the Lord has laid on my heart. It is my Saviour I want to share!

I want to start with the season of Lent. We are almost to the end of Lent and hopefully we have been taking a really good look at ourselves. I think of it like going to a day spa for the full treatment....you take off your clothes and wrap yourself in a towel. They take all the pretty polish off your toes and fingers and stuff cotton between each toe. Then they wash all the make-up off your face. They put hot wax all over your top lip and under your eyebrows. They brush all the body and curl from your hair, wash it and put color all over it. Then after twisting it up on your head they put a plastic bag over it or even worse foil your hair. Looking in the mirror, you don't feel beautiful, you feel stripped, naked, ugly, and you can see every flaw in your skin, every wrinkle you have, and every bald spot! To become beautified (as they say) we had to be stripped down to the bare us. Spiritually we should have done the same... stripped all the fluff away and taken a good hard look at the real me! Lent should prepare us spiritually for the gift of the ressurection and in the examination of ourselves we should be humbled and growing closer to God.

So here are some lessons I have found! First, if we are not tempted we will never know if we will really obey. We can not show obedience if we haven't had the chance to choose to obey. Our convictions are only strong if they hold up under pressure. Jesus was tempted in the desert and he had to hold up to the pressure. This gives us an example of how we should respond when we are tempted and tempted we will be. But temptation is a good thing. It strengthens us and allows us to evaluate whether we are just talking the talk or really walking we profess to believe.

Jesus was tempted when he was tired, hungry, alone and most vulerable. We need to pay attention to this and realize that the devil is looking for that window of time we are vulnerable so that he can tempt us. When we are under stress, physical or emotional we are vulnerable. When we are lonely, tired, when we have big decisions to make; he is there waiting to pounce on us. We must stay on guard at all times against Satan's attacks. Jesus is there for us, he understands that we are tempted....Hebrews 4:15 "(Jesus) has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin." He is willing and able to help us. We need to come to him!

Second, Satan used natural desires to tempt Jesus. Jesus was hungry...that is a natural desire. How often does Satan use natural desires to tempt us? Money is a natural desire, acknowledgment, attention, love and sex are all perfectly normal desires. In God's time and God's way these things can be satisfied. But, when we give in to the temptations of the devil and give in to these normal desires in the wrong time and the wrong way we are in trouble. Jesus was hungry...and he had the power to turn the stones into bread but the timing was wrong. God had him in the desert to fast, not to eat! Deuteronomy 8:3 says, "He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord."

Thirdly, Satan tried to tempt Jesus by telling him to jump from the highest point of the temple. He told Jesus to throw himself down and God would send angels to scoup him up. He was testing the emotional human need for security. Would God protect his son? Will God protect us, our families, our children? How many times does Satan use this in our lives to keep us unsteady, unfocused, unsure?! Over and over and over again! But God is not our magician in the sky. We cannot ask God to pass some security test on our demand just to reassure ourselves that his protection is over us. It says in Deuteronomy 6:16, "Do not put the Lord your God to the test". We have to know our bible, trust the words of our heavenly father and know that he is ALWAYS watching over us and protecting us. After all, he made us and loves us so much that he surrendered his son to a horrific death for us! "...this is what the Lord says-he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel; 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour." Isaiah 43:1-3. Need I say more?!

And the fourth way Satan tried to tempt Jesus out there in that old desert was by appealing to his need for status, power, achievement. Satan took Jesus to a very high mountain and enticed him with all the "kingdoms of the world and their splendor". All these could belong to Jesus if he would just bow down to Satan and worship him. How quick and easy that would be! How many times has the devil tempted us with the psychological need for power, achievement, status? How many times have we, in little ways or large ways, bought into that. Do we crave the materialism and power that the world has to offer? Take a really good look at yourself. Do you want to be in charge of that committee to serve the Lord your God or because it makes you feel powerful and better than the rest. Do you only offer yourself and your service to things that put you out there in the public display, i.e. bible study leader, Sunday school teacher, youth leader, soccer team mom. Would you be as quick to committ if no one knew anything about you and your service? Would you be as quick to offer your service if you were never seen and your name was never mentioned? No power, no admiration, no significance that the world can see. The real truth was that the kingdoms were not Satan's to give. They belong to our creator, our God. The temption for Jesus was to side step God's plan and take the world as a political ruler right then. But then what of God's plan for Jesus to save the world from sin. Satan wanted Jesus to focus on wordly power and not the plan of God. Thank God for us that Jesus resisted that temptation. Again, the scripture Jesus himself quoted to Satan was "Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only" Deuteronomy 6:13.

Will we be tempted? Yes, even Jesus was tempted. Will we fail and sometimes buy into temptation? Yes, but we have the gift of forgiveness and redemption because Jesus stayed on track with God's plan and didn't give into temptation. Can we sin less? Yes, because we have tools to help us along. We have a loving and forgiving Father who watches over us. A father that is with us always and we can call on at any time. He has given us his words to gain strength and direction from. He has also given us examples on how we should respond to temptation, his own son and his trials and tribulation in the desert. And then we also have family, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ that will help us here on earth to keep to God's plan and resist straying on a plan of the devil.

As we head into this most holy of weeks let us take a real good look at ourselves. If we haven't already, let us kneel before our Father and beg his forgiveness and ask for his help. Let us resist temptation and surrender ourselves to the Father's plan each and every day. Help us to exit the day spa being humbled, stengthened and growing closer to our Saviour!

"Listen to me, my people; hear me, my nation: The law will go out from me; my justice will bcome a light to the nations. My righteousness draws near speedily, my salvation is on the way, and my arm will bring justice to the nations." Isaiah 51:4-5

My Adonai

2006-09-20T12:26:00.000-04:00

Friday I had my final exams for this quarter. It has been a hard quarter and I knew that I had been getting way too stresed out during the last couple tests. It didn't seem to matter how much I studied, when I sat for the tests something always happened to throw me into confusion. Actually, confusion comes easily nowadays....I have found that in school, for me, I need to work at a slower pace than some of my younger classmates. I need to get to school early, get my workspace set-up and organized, and need to "get my bearings". I need to get into a rhythm and if that rhythm is disturbed it takes a few minutes to regroup. For instance, during one test we had a tornado drill, which upon returning to the classroom I really struggled to get back on track and was really stressed out!

I have tried to adapt but you know the saying..."It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks". That more or less sums it up for me! The most frustrating thing for me is that in getting stressed out I take my eyes off my Father. I don't like that feeling, the feeling that I am sinking and am all alone. I am not alone but by forgetting to pray, forgetting to call on my Lord, forgetting to have faith and not take this soooo seriously I am not forcing the one who matters the most right out of the loop.

On Friday I took off for school to take my exams. I had studied all I could but in the back of my mind I was still a little unsettled. One thing I try to do is pray on the way to school. I had my favorite christian radio station playing and was lifting up my family. It was then that the Holy Spirit started to take over. I started praying that the Lord would be my hand and take hold of my pencil. I prayed that my test scores would be what He wanted for me for His purpose. It was at this point that a wonderful song started to play. "Adonai...I lift my eyes and cry 'My Adonai' ". As I began to sing with the song I could feel a total release...I could feel my complete surrender. I could actually feel the Lord taking over and I knew He was going to be my hand and that during my exams we would be one. Tears started to flow and I knew that I had really, really given myself over to my Father. I knew that He was going to be in control and that whatever my scores ended up being, it was going to be what he wanted for me... pass or fail! And I really mean that. I knew that if there was a reason...maybe a humbling, maybe so I would come to him more, maybe to help me let go...whatever His reasons I was not going to be performing under confusion....I was going to be perform by the hands of my Master.

During my exams I felt a peace...I was calm and my mind was clear. But most of all was that perfect peace that I felt felt as my hand skimmed the pages answering each and every question almost without reading them. There were not eraser marks and I didn't look at the clock once. What an awesome experience! This is not the first time that I have surrendered myself....it showed me I need to do it much more often. It needs to be my first thought, not my last desperate attempt. I need to stop trying to do everything on my own power and call on His power at the beginning, not at the end.

I just wanted to this with all of you....maybe you are like me and get caught up in the world's way of doing business. If so, get in your prayer closet and ask our Father to do a mighty work in you. Ask him to help you remember to come to him first, not last. Ask him to help you to truly feel his presence. Ask him to help you to surrender yourself totally to him. We know he has the power....we know he is ready and waiting....we know that he answers our prayers and his arms are open waiting for us to ask. We know He is our Father and is willing and waiting on us to come to HIM!

And one last note.....I made a 100% on one of my exams and a high B on the other. That gave me a 98% in one class and 96% in the other class....a 4.0 average. That God!...he really knows what he is doing!

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth dervies its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19

Knowing our Hearts

2006-09-18T11:42:00.000-04:00

My husband and I were wandering aimlessly around Kohl’s a couple of weekends ago. The kids were out doing their own thing and we decided to look for a couple of items we needed in this fairly new shopping center. It houses a Kohl’s, Target, Ross, and a Marshall’s. We knew that it being a Friday night that the kids weren’t going to come in until midnight or after so we were not in any hurry. We found the items we needed after leisurely visiting every department. When we realized the store was going to close in a few minutes we made our way to the checkout counter. The aisle we chose had a young woman managing it. Next to her was a young man and he had a problem at his register and kept asking her for instructions. The young woman wasn’t very helpful to the young man….she kept putting him off, first ignoring his questions, then telling him to call someone else.

My husband was in a very good mood especially considering the fact that we had been in stores all evening. And when my husband is in the kind of mood he was in on this night no good can come of it. Let me clue you in on my husband…he likes to stir the pot and then stands back to see what happens! It’s genetic. His dad was like that and so are his brothers and uncles. After 29 years of retraining, I hate to say I have made no headway in changing this behavior. I always feel guilty that when he starts being mischievous that we give others the wrong opinion of us. But he just sees it as funny so I have decided it is best to just try to act like I don’t know him when he start to stir the pot!

Anyway, when the woman at the register started rolling her eyes as the young man questioned her I knew the “bowl was out with the handle of the spoon turned my husband’s direction”. In a low voice he started by telling her the man was talking to her…she answered she knew. Then he went on….”I think he really likes you. Why won’t you answer him. He knows what he is doing he just wants you to speak to him. Hey, I think he might want to see you after the store closes. Yea, that’s what he’s leading up to. Just give him a little attention…he seems like he is really interested in you.”

The mind is a funny thing. The more my husband talked the more she seemed to question herself. She finally asked my husband if he really thought the young man might be interested in her. Boy, he was on a roll now. How would he know!!! He is just a middle aged husband with nothing to do on a Friday night. But he had hooked her! As I was writing a check for our purchases he noticeably looked at his wrist like he was looking at his watch. He doesn’t wear a watch. Then he leaned over to me, like he was going to whisper something to me, but definitely loud enough so all could hear. He said, ”Hey, it’s getting late. Hurry up with that check….I need to get you home before your husband gets off work!” The young woman immediately looked up at me and with a look of concern said, “Oh, I thought he was your husband! He’s not your husband?!” While I am telling the woman that he is indeed my husband, he is just pulling her leg, he is standing at the end of the counter making hand gestures like I am not telling the truth. There was a couple behind us and they got to laughing, it was kind of curious what you can do to the mind. The checkout woman really didn’t believe my protest, I think she believed my husband which didn’t set well with me and my husband thought all this was pretty funny….why, I don’t have a clue!

That night, as I was saying my prayers, I got to thinking about this little exchange. For me, it is important that my actions show the love I have for my Savior. In my life, I believe that it is not always talk…a lot of the time it is actions that bring the light of Christ to others. Little things in life like being patient, considerate, polite, forgiving. To me whenever I leave my house I have a chance to evangelize whether through a friendship, conversation or my actions. Well, our collective actions that night certainly didn’t bring any part of Christ to anyone. Oh, I am not upset or put out with my husband…men are different from women and so is their sense of humor. He was just being light hearted, joking with me and that young checkout woman. And in telling this story to some of my friends, I have discovered that many of them have husbands that have done similar things to them. After nearly thirty years with my husband and his genetic faults, I know he doesn’t mean any harm, it is just his way of picking at me. Again, men are different from women and I try not to spend too much time trying to figure it out.

But, during my prayers that night what did come to mind was how many times I have not shown my love for Christ through my actions or conversation. It came to mind how many times I have been obstinate, rude, stubborn, self-righteous, and rude. What came to mind was how many times I could have been more patient, or kinder. What came to mind was the times I could have offered an encouraging word or just kept my mouth shut and didn’t. How about the times I have argued just because I wanted to be right and wanted to show someone else how wrong they were? I think there are more times than I want to remember that I have failed to shine the light of Christ to others.

Oh, this wasn’t a prayer time filled with condemnation…oh, no just the opposite. God flooded my heart and mind with gratitude for his unconditional love! He reminded me that in this life, by people, we are judged by what someone sees or hears but with Him we are judged by what is in our hearts. Unlike the world, he sees what motivates me, what is really happening inside of me, how hard I am really trying and how sincere I really am! His promises of his love for me, no matter what attitude or struggle I had that day or that week or even that year, rolled through my mind. The lessons I have learned about his love for me from all the years of studying His word came to mind. His assurance that nothing could separate me from his love…the reassurance that he gave his life for me so that I could fail in this life and still be loved by Him caused me to tear up. As I started to repent for getting caught up in this life and letting my eyes wander off of him, I felt a renewed assurance that no matter how many mistakes I make, no matter how I struggle to change the things in me that are not pleasing to Him He loves me and will always love me. Just as I know the heart of my husband, my Father knows my heart and loves me, stands beside me, and is patient with me. How grateful I am that in my father’s eyes I am judged differently than in the eyes of people. That one mistake, error in judgment or sin that can cause the world to judge you and judge you harshly is understood or forgiven by my Lord. What an awesome kind of love He gives us!

So, I will continue to go forward, to work hard on living the way Christ wants me to, to be his disciple and bring his love to others. And because of His love and forgiveness I will come to his arms to feel his forgiveness when I fall short. As far as my husband goes…I will continue to try to rework those genetic flaws…or maybe just let him have his fun. He has a Savior that sees his heart too!

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,”, says the Lord, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

Sing to Him

2006-09-15T20:36:00.000-04:00

As I was driving I was listening to the radio and some great lyrics jumped out at me and they have been playing in my head ever since.

I think what caught me so was that they were simple yet they said alot. And they were sung with such conviction...so confidently. You see, I have a few things that I speak confidently about. I am one of those people when showing their driver's license and asked if I work (they are looking for a work phone in case the check is bad), I boldly state, "Yes, I work...I am running a household, raising a family and providing a peaceful place for my husband to lay his head at night! YES..I do work and my work number IS my home number!" Of course, my husband seems to disappear at the first words of asking for my license....I wonder why? But, that is one thing in my life that I have a real conviction about.

There are other things...like honoring my family..children, husband and parents. Whenever asked about them I always attempt to say very positive things about them. It is not that I want to hide their flaws, my closest friends know what is happening in my family, but when pleasantries are exchanged I always want to say the best about my family. The fact is we are like any family and have our problems but I have a great family and it is my duty as the mom to always do my best to protect their integrity. I really do believe that!

And then there were those great song lyrics which to me were really a few statements of my beliefs...truths that I believe to the core of my very soul. Listening and then playing them over and over in my head it was almost like being asked for my driver's license! I believe these words, I want to shout them out confidently and with conviction. These words define who I am because what I believe makes me who I am! Enough already, what are the lyrics? Here they are and go ahead with me...shout them out with conviction...let the heavens be moved with our praise!

My saviour loves,

My saviour lives,

My saviour's always there for me...

My God HE WAS,

My God HE IS,

My God IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE!

Thank you for singing His praises with me...HE WAS, HE IS, HE IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE!

Halleljuah!

Build Walls?!

2006-09-13T08:06:00.000-04:00

When I was a teenager we lived in Europe. We took a trip to the Berlin Wall and visited the famous "Checkpoint Charley" (boy, I am really dating myself now). It made quite an impression on me. I couldn't understand why people had built a wall to keep people in. I remember standing at "Checkpoint Charley" and noticing the people riding on the bus as they went by on the communist side of the wall. They looked like they were void of emotion...their faces were expressionless. I remember it like it was yesterday (but believe me it wasn't!).

My parents do alot of counseling. I grew up hearing phrases like, "boy, have they really built up a wall!" Or when we were, all five of us kids teenagers, I can remember my parents saying, "It's like we are hitting our heads against a brick wall!"

Walls...for me it doesn't conjure up a pretty picture. Actually, the definition is not a negative one. A wall is an upright structure to enclose an area for safety or protection. I like the enclosed for safety or protection part. Usually, I think of a walls as intimidating, looming, forceful. Something that separates but in a bad way. And then I was reading in the book of Nehemiah.

Nehemiah ws the cupbearer to King Artaxerxes. Nehemiah was greatly distressed because the walls of Jerusalem were broken down. That left the city of his people, Jerusalem, defenseless. He was so grieved over this that he fasted and prayed and went to the king to ask permission to go and repair the wall ...You see Nehemiah was willing to risk anything for the people of God, for his people, and the city he loved so much and the Jews needed a wall to surround them to protect them. With no real fortifications they had been easy prey for their enemies. Go ahead and read Nehemiah. God did answer Nehemiah's prayer and the king gave him permission to go and rebuild.

But that got me to thinking. We build walls around us. We build walls to keep people out of our hearts and emotions. We build walls around us because we are insecure and afraid of rejection. We build walls around ourselves to hide secrets and guilt that we are carrying. This walls hold in the very things that need to be illuminate, worked on, brought out into the open so in cases like these walls are not a good thing.

Let's go back to the definition of wall...a structure to enclose an area for safety and protection. Think of our bodies and minds as walls to protect our souls and hearts from evil. What if we though of our bodies and minds as the upright structure...strong, fortified, secured. Strong in our beliefs, fortified with our faith, and secured in the word. In other words if we built our bodies and minds up strong in faith and lived what we believe and know the word of God that would be a wall that would protect our hearts and souls from Satan and his works. Our bodies and minds would be like the wall that protected Jerusalem and with this wall we would be better protected from our enemies...

Just as the wall around Jerusalem would need attention to keep it strong so our bodies and minds need constant work. Reading our bibles, praying, worshipping, fellowship with other believers. But then within those walls we have a a little more fruit, a little more peace because we have protected ourselves from being totally venerable.

Of course, in all this I am talking about a spiritual wall with spiritual and moral protection. Another thing that was so neat when I read this was how God's hand was completely on Nehemiah for God's purposes and he recognized that. Look at yourself....is God calling you to rebuild your spiritual wall? Do you need to rebuild or just patch and refortify? Accept the task of rebuilding your spiritual and moral walls and God will provide the power and the provision. Begin the good work and see the gracious hand of God upon you!

Then I said to them, "You see the trouble we are in: Jesusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have beeen burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace." I also told them about the gracious hand of my God upon me and what the King had said to me. They replied, "Let us start rebuilding." So they began this good work.
Nehemiah 2: 17-18

REST

2006-09-11T18:51:00.000-04:00

Over the Labor Day holiday all I did was REST…I felt exhausted mentally and physically. Not because I do a lot of physical labor and not because my life is in shambles emotionally but I was just plain worn out. My life seems to be somewhat of a circus act these days. Juggling my schedules of school and home, the school and work schedules of the kids, and trying to keep things running peacefully, and smoothly for my husband who is just into his third month at a new job that is quite demanding. Yes, my life could be an act with RINGLING BROS. BARNUM and BAILEY and I needed a rest from the tour schedule!

The emotion of thankfulness for having a few days off was deep. I kept thanking God for the break. What I needed and wanted most in those four days was unhurried and focused time to spend with my Lord. I needed to dwell not just with him but in Him and feel Him dwelling in me. I have been somewhat like a dry well and needed the Holy Spirit to fill me up. The last two years have held many changes for myself and my family and those changes have taken a toll on my prayer life. Isn’t it funny how we as humans, when we need our Father the most, have the hardest of times connecting with him?

The rest was what I needed and I didn’t even need it by way of a Caribbean Island vacation. I just needed a quiet place…and sleep! I slept more than I prayed, but in my quiet place I found that those four days were days spent 24/7 worshipping Him! I found my way back into his arms and I felt like I was standing on Holy ground in his presence once more. The familiar feelings of comfort, peace, joy, and hope came flooding back into my heart, soul, and mind.

And in the midst of this, I was reminded of my Lord. Jesus was sent here, into our world and he experienced the human side of life. Troubles, burdens, and stresses are a part of life and he had those just as we do. Yes, he had great pressures and stresses…he had a world of sick, broken, hungry souls to minister to and he also knew that he was on much more of a time restraint than you or I have ever felt. He needed rest too….not a lounge chair on the beach and a “pina colada”…no, he got his rest, his focus, he was rejuvenated by withdrawing to a quiet place where he could turn to his Father. He wanted to be in a place where he was unhurried, completely focused and surrender all of himself to God. He knew he needed not to be task focused or self-focused but GOD-FOCUSED. Jesus said, “I live by the power of the living Father who sent me.” (Matthew 14:23).

Jesus knew and gave us many examples of rest. He retreated time after time to a quiet place to be with his Father, the source of His strength, into the arms of the one who sent him. He was with God, he prayed to God and rested by giving his burden to one with shoulders big and broad enough to hold the burdens of the world. Jesus was here on earth to accomplish his Father’s will just as we are here to do God’s will. And when the stress and pressures of this life become too much we like Jesus have to rest…have to go to a quiet place to soak up God, we have to draw strength from the source of all power…God himself. It will be through our rest, our releasing of our burdens and stress, and our “filling up” on the Holy Spirit that will enable us to go forward, to stay God-focused and to continue to accomplish his will here on earth. It is rest that will help us focus on others and serve them and in turn serve our God and King!!

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11: 28-29

A contract for life

2006-09-01T11:24:00.000-04:00

This weekend I will be celebrating my anniversary. If seems at times that it was just yesterday that the church was filled with flowers and people, that the members of my family looked as sharp as they had ever looked and my mom outshone the bride. I had my sisters surrounding me as my bridesmaid and maid of honor, I had my mom making sure everything was just perfect and my daddy right beside me to hold me up. I remember, as clear as day, my dad patting my hand and telling me to just hold on to him...he would get me to the altar. I felt beautiful, blessed, honored, sad and scared all at the same time. I had a stomach full of butterflies but yet couldn't wait to see my "prince" at the end of that long walk to the altar. I made it down the aisle with my dadddy's strength, my sister's support, and my mother love and blessings. That was 29 years ago!

Those days were filled with passion, emotion and pure innocent love. As the weeks, months, and years have rolled by those feelings have changed to something deeper and more mature. Now there is loyality, committment, a love so big and wide it is hard to put words to it, friendship.. and in the center of it all is Jesus! As I have always been able to see Jesus in my father and mother...their committment to each other because of their committment to Christ... I can often see that in my husband. His love for myself and our children is unselfish, his caring for my family is true love of family, and his treatment of others is how Christ taught us "to do unto others".

I am blessed to have lived all these past years with a man that loves the Lord, a man who unselfishly cares for his wife and children, a man who loves my family like his own and a man who would give his last dollar to help his fellow man. I am forever humbled at the work that Christ has done in both of our lives, individually and as a couple and I rejoice in the future to know that we will only grow older and wiser together and receive more of what God has in this life for us as a couple.

I can do nothing this weekend but give glory to God for bringing me this mate that I love so deeply and giving me that kind of love in return. Thank you Russell for loving me and sharing so much of your life with me and we thank you dear Father for the last 29 years and giving us a little taste of heaven here on earth.

Happy Anniversary!!

POSTSCRIPT......

2006-08-31T08:21:00.000-04:00

I try to write at the leading of the Holy Spirit. I have shared that with most of you before. And I have prayed that during this time, while I am in school and pulled in every direction, that the Lord would still speak to me and continue to allow me to write the words that He speaks to me. It has been my buoy, the way I have been able to feel his presence in my life in a powerful way. And apparently He has and is….the story of Esther has mingled in my mind and heart for weeks now. The same words keep stiriring in my spirit and so I trust that my Lord wants them spoken for me…for someone.

The first look into Esther was not what I wrote on my last post…this was what the Lord showed me in the first few minutes of the movie and I didn’t know how to put it into words and actually He used my last post to convict me to write today. So, I hope I can be obedient and let the Holy Spirit to speak through me.

In the first few minutes of the movie they rustled up all the young women. The king’s personal attendants proposed that a search be made for all the beautiful, young virgins. They were to be brought to the royal harem and placed under the care of the king’s eunuch. Esther won his favor and he provided her with beauty treatments, special foods, seven maids selected from the king’s palace and moved her into the best place in the harem.

The girls had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months with oils and six months with perfumes before they could be brought before the King. When it was her turn, in the evening, she would go to the King and in the morning return to the harem. She would not return to the king unless he was pleased with her and summoned her by name.

This is where I started to feel all kinds of emotions. I even stopped my TIVO and read through my bible to be sure that they weren’t over dramasting the whole process. And it was acted pretty close to scripture. I felt for this young woman, who I can assume being Jewish had a pretty strict upbringing. I felt for her being a young woman and a virgin and thrown into this harem to be treated like a steer up for auction. She was taken from a comfortable life with great freedoms (Jews were even allowed to own and run their own businesses) and put somewhere that had to be against who and what she was. She had no rights or freedoms and even though it doesn’t say this her morality was stripped from her. Her sole purpose and not by her choice but by force, was to serve the king and await his call for sexual pleasure.

Yet, it states in Esther 2:15…And Esther won the favor of everyone who saw her. It came to me that this couldn’t be only because of her beauty…there had to be more to the substance of this young woman. And sure enough we found out on my last post that there was plenty of outstanding character in this one person. This is what spoke to me and spoke strongly. How many times in our lives are we in a place that we don’t want to be…whether by our choice or circumstance? All of us will be there at some point in life if we haven’t encountered that already. It might be a marriage we shouldn’t have jumped into…it might be a job we took or had to take and then were miserable. It might be losing a child or spouse or being thrust into the throws of disease (the scariest…the big C). It could be any kind of major change in your life that has thrown you off kilter.

And that was the lesson the Holy Spirit was speaking to me…are the changes in my life worse than being taken from my home, family and security and thrust into a harem with hundreds of other young virgins. How do the changes compare to living day in and day out just waiting to hear my name called so I can be used for the sexual pleasures of a king and then possibly cast aside to wait in dread for my name to be called again? Let me tell you….my life is a picnic!!

The problem is, my character has not risen to the character of Esther. I have not focused on the providence of my Savior. I have not run to him and let him give me strength. I have not wanted to risk my security, my life that I love and am comfortable in to serve God in a different plan. I have not wanted any other plan! I only want what I have been comfortable in….yes, I have been extremely selfish! There I said it.

Where would history be if Esther hadn’t gone along with the plan and gone along with it in a positive manner. I believe, because the scriptures tells us, that she won the favor of the king’s eunuch and she didn’t accomplish that by griping and complaining or kicking or crying. She went beyond just doing what she had to do, she trusted in God and made the best of it. And she reaped blessings…the king fell madly in love with her and she became queen. She earned trust and favor and was able to save her people. And because of her Mordecai, who was at one time condemned to death, rose to become the second highest ranking official in the nation. And I am sure there are plenty more great deeds in the life of Esther that are not recorded in those short ten chapters.

The Holy Spirit has played this scripture in my head over and over the last few weeks….”And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14. God knows why we are where we are! We might be in this royal position because he has a great work for us. We might be in this position because, like Esther, God has hand picked us for service to him in a place different from what we are used to. Maybe, He has already called us but we have been digging our heels in the ground and refusing to trust… to relinquish control of all of our life to Him, not just when we are comfortable. And just maybe…we are where we are because this is our royal position and there is a time such as this!!

So much character

2006-08-29T09:16:00.000-04:00

I was watching an old movie the other day….”ESTHER”. It was made in the late 50’s or early 60’s and held my interest. During the movie God was speaking to me about Esther and how he was able to use her for His service.

The story of Esther and thus the book is one of romance but also of obedience, loyalty and service to God. Esther was gathered up with many young women to be taken to the King of Persia so that he might choose a wife. The king was taken with her beauty, captivated by her physical charms, and mesmerized by an inward beauty that radiated through her personality and character. The King was so taken with this young girl that he broke Persian law…it held that one of the royal line must marry a wife belonging to the seven great Persian families. God had a plan and his Esther was to be brought to the throne for His service. The King of Persia chose this young Jewish girl as his wife, unaware she was Jewish.

Mordecai, her foster father, had made her promise not to reveal her nationality to the King until the opportune time. She keep this pledge and dutifully obeyed her foster father. How wonderful it is when we honor our parents with obedience which in turn is honoring our heavenly Father. Not only did she honor her family but she honored her nationality…she ferociously loved her race. But exhibiting honor to her pledge and self-control she kept her nationality a secret until the opportune time. You see, someone in the King’s inner circle, a man named Haman, had become furious with Mordecai (Esther’s foster father), and was determined to destroy Mordecai and all the Jews along with him. This meant death for the Jews which included Esther. Haman deceived the King and persuaded him to issue an edict condemning the Jews to death. Mordecai got word to Esther and she decided to risk her life to save her people.

You should really read the book if you haven’t done so already because my condensed version really doesn’t do it justice. But anyway…. in deciding to attempt to save the lives of her people she sent a reply to Mordecai and told him to “gather all the Jews and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day…when this is done, I will go to the King, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish” (Esther 4: 15-16). What nerves of steel! What strength and trust in God she had!

It is then that Esther invited her King and Haman to a special banquet. Even the invitation to the banquet was dramatic…she made her plans carefully. You see, even though she was the queen and quite favored, she was not allowed to see the King unless he requested it. The King did ask her to come forward but with a heap of self-control and knowing that perfect timing is everything, she invited the King to the banquet I mentioned earlier. He was smart enough to pick up on the fact that his queen had something more on her mind that just a simple feast. So they attended her banquet.

During this banquet the King asked Esther what she really wanted and she invited them to another banquet… again with great self-control, having a plan and being bathed in prayer she conveyed the importance of the matter and asked for them to come to a second banquet. Yes, she had the heart of her King but she was really pushing her own security! It was then at the second feast that she dropped the bombshell…she told her king of Haman’s plot against the Jews and Haman was doomed. In fact, Haman had gallows built to hang Mordecai at and instead it was those very gallows where Haman met with his death.

The real story here is how Esther’s risk confirmed that God was the source of her security. It is also about serving our Master to the limit of our ability, where in His Providence He has placed us, and thus preparing ourselves for a larger circle of service if such be His will. I want the character of Esther…when chosen by my Father I want to be ready to renounce self and exert myself for the good of others. I want my character to show that I have unbounded confidence in God’s Providence—and to acknowledge God as the Author of all mercies. I want my character to show that I realize that there are magnificent and unparalleled opportunities in the place I have been put to serve the Lord, my God with loyalty, confidence and security.

“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?
Esther 4:14

Standing at the Crossroads

2006-08-28T07:09:00.000-04:00

How many of you can stand back, look over the past and see the times you have stood at some sort of crossroads? It might have been a relationship crossroad, it might have been a crossroad concerning a job, or it might have been the most important crossroad of life….to give your life to Jesus. We all have been at the crossroads of life; a place where we have to make a decision to go down one path or another. What should we do when we encounter these crossroads and especially when we don’t immediately see road signs directing us? Well, there is a little verse tucked away in the book of Jeremiah that clues us in….
This is what the Lord says; “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your soul. " Jeremiah 6:16
God has laid out a path for all of us. It is the right path and is ancient. It has been in the works from the very beginning. If we choose God’s ancient path for living instead of following a new path of our own choosing we will find “peace and rest for our souls”.

Okay, that seems easy enough but notice what Jeremiah instructs us to do when we get to the crossroads. Those three little words seem to jump right off the page…ASK! In other words we might not immediately see road signs clearly directing us down the exact path we need to take. The Lord wants us to come to Him, he wants to take us by the hand and lead us down the path to rest and peace. One other thing I noticed about this scripture….it is not about just the point of standing at the crossroads and choosing the right path…it also includes the journey. Read this part again, “…ask where the good way is, and walk in it…”. We will be walking in His perfect plan, this will be a journey and he wants us to come to him, let Him direct us and then He will take our hand and be there with us. We will be in His will and that will bring us the peace and rest in Him that he wants for us. What clarity that brings to those crossroads of life! When we encounter them we need to seek his direction, take his hand and journey down his perfect and ancient path with and in our Almighty Father. Then we will find rest for our souls!
AMEN!

2006-06-30T10:29:00.000-04:00

I put this on my homeschooling site...Fridays I always post a devotion. I haven't posted anything fun in a long while and neither has my good friend BOMBA. He was the one who would post a mind-teaser, or strange something and then we would all have to "one up " him. So, my dear friend, the ball is now in your court!

Today let’s play a little game. Just for a fun…

FIND THE BOOK

Each sentence contains a book of the Bible.
Find the name of the book and write it down.

1. Put the hose against the house.
2. He gave Jon a horse.
3. They were walking seven miles a day.
4. His Fez rang with every step he took.
5. Always tell the truth.
6. The house numbers started falling.
7. It was the best her mother could do.
8. That coat of Gene’s is dirty.
9. A job well done is what you are striving for.
10. All tips, alms and gifts are appreciated.
11. Use pro verbs, not anti ones.
12. Joe loves to work on cars.
13. The Santana mosque is quite large.
14. The facts are available.
15. The trim ark made the voyage safely.
16. Don’t prejudge students at other schools.
17. That idea came from answer #2.
18. The trip eternal had begun.
19. He met Pam at the Winter Youth Celebration.
20. His game of golf was a fluke.

Answers:
(1)Hosea, (2)Jonah, (3)Kings, (4)Ezra, (5)Ruth, (6)Numbers, (7)Esther, (8)Genesis, (9)Job, (10)Psalms (11)Proverbs, (12) Joel, (13)Amos, (14)Acts, (15)Mark, (16)Judges, (17)Romans, (18)Peter, (19)Matthew, (20)Luke.

We have so much to be thankful for, we as God's people are so very blessed! Have a wonderful weekend...maybe some of you are off Monday...if so enjoy your long weekend!
Blessings to you all and enjoy the puzzle!!
COLETTE

Solomon's Future

2006-06-28T13:20:00.000-04:00

At Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you."..."Now, O lord my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties...So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?"...So God said to him, "Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be." 1 Kings 3: 5, 7, 9, 11-12.

Today, when I was reading this several things came to mind...of course, a lesson. Notice in the second line that Solomon referred to himself not as King but as God's servant. This is the first of several lessons this scripture gives us. Solomon must of been overwhelmed with the task ahead of him...he had big shoes to fill and a large kingdom to rule. He knew he needed wisdom but where was that wisdom going to come from? So, instead of calling his friends..instead of looking to the knowledgeable people in his kingdom he went to God! Going straight to God shows the foundation of Solomon...his prayer was the revelation of his own need for God. What an example to us. How many times, even though we are christians, do we try everything in our power when faced with something overwhelming except simply prayer! We are slow to recognize our inability, we are slow to acknowledge God's power, we seem to come to Him as a last resort instead of the other way around. When we are young, we seem to be blinded by the pride of "Iknow it all", when we are older we are blinded by the pride of the knowledge and connections we think we have. But Solomon wasn't blinded by his own pride. Even though he was picked to be King he recognized that he, even in the "I know it all" youthful stage of life and with all his kingdom at the tip of his fingers, needed God's help. WOW!

Another lesson from this is the acknowledgment of Solomon that his wisdom was not enough...not enough for now or in the future. He was asking God not only for the immediate needs but for wisdom and knowledge for the future. He knew that the future would hold problems and he would have to use wisdom in the future as well. How often are we so single-minded that we only ask for the problems of right now...solve this problem and we will worry about tomorrow another day. We want God to take care of today because our sight is so limited..."just give me what I want or need today and if I need you again i'll get in touch with you!" Not very humble are we?! When we come to our Lord we need to be humble, we should ask for knowledge and direction, not just for today, but for the future. We are God's servants, God is not our "genie in a bottle." We should seek His wisdom for today, tomorrow and for all the days, months and years ahead.

This is not new stuff to me but it does help to remind me that I have strayed somewhat. Yes, I confess I often slip into the old habit of using all my resources to tackle God-sized task instead of acknowledging my need for God-sized help. I often forget that I need and want God's wisdom to take me far beyond the solution to today's problems...I want Him and His wisdom to walk me through all the days of my life. I hope this helped to remind you of your need for Him too!

"Get over it"...absolutely NOT!

2006-06-26T11:46:00.000-04:00

"Get over it!"...I have heard this phrase more times than I can count. "I told her she needs to just get over it!"..."Well, we can't change him/her; we can't control other people. You need to get over it to have more peace!"..."Life throws you some curve balls...get over it!" I don't like this phrase and I try not to use it. Every time I hear it my heart sinks a little. I feel like there is no compassion, no mercy, no understanding, no patience in these three little words. Yet, they are tossed around easily, maybe without really hearing what is being said.

This weekend, when I heard these three little words uttered, something happened to me. A thought came to me that there was one topic was I was not, oh, never, going to get over. A spirit of rebellion you might be thinking?! No! I am referring to my feelings about the King of Kings..the Almighty...the Trinity...God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The feelings I have for Him I never want to "get over". These are some of the words that come to mind...awestruck, capitivated, incredible, inconceivable, indescribable, marvelous, overwhelming, remarkable, stupefy, stupendous, unimaginable, unutterable.

When I wake in the morning I am struck with an His indescribable peace. As I read His words in my bible I am captivated by His teachings. In my pray time as he pours out his Holy Spirit over me I find that my words are unutterable. It is inconceivable that He loves me so much that he gave his life for me. When I look back over my life at the blessings he has bestowed upon me...from His healing of me when I was a baby, through my wonderful years growing up, to marrying and having children, through the years of homeschooling...it is all incredible!

The way he answers my prayers and always leads me down His pathways is remarkable. I am awestruck every day just looking at His creation outside around me..all that He has made to give us pleasure..the birds, the flowers, the wild bunnies. He has stupified me with how well he knows me, so intimately...and how he cares for me so lovingly and gently. The people, my friends, he has brought into my life is something I marvel at. When I think of the family he gave me...my King knowing me before my mother even knew there might be a me...and sticking in there with us all until we surrendered our lives to him I am overwhelmed. For me to know He stays with me, my family, my friends and all His children every moment of every day, forever is unimaginable. And the thought that He has given all of us, every single person, a path to eternal life, to a place we will spend eternity in his presence is stupendous!

The mesmerizing way I feel about my heavenly Father I don't want to "get over". The inexpressible feelings I have for my King I will never work to "get over". And I will not "get over" my love and devotion for my Saviour... I will try to only work harder at showing Him that love and devotion. Now, when I hear those three little words..."get over it"...my heart will not be distressed. My heart will jump for joy and my mind will be immersed in admiration, thanksgiving and utter devotion for my God!

No Condemnation

2006-06-21T13:15:00.000-04:00

Romans 8:1-2.. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

To condemn or condemnation is to express utter disaproval...to find guilty; convict; to doom. A very negative word but one the Lord spoke to me today. Think about the word and its definition for a minute. How many times a week do we, in our minds or through our words or actions find someone guilty...convict someone..or even express utter disaproval?

This morning in giving advice to someone else about responding in love not reacting in condemnation the Lord convicted me. I heard my own words, which really were the words of the Holy Spirit. My mind started thinking of all the times I engaged in the thoughts and words of condemnation...you know.."He/she did that on purpose just because he/she knows I don't like it!"..."I know they haven't done what I asked..they never do!"..."I know that's a lie.." and one in particular that stuck in my mind.."There, they did it again! How many times have we talked about that and there still is no change. They should have learned by now..I'm not putting up with that anymore!"

CONDEMNATION, CONDEMNATION, CONDEMNATION! Am I so perfect that I can be judge, jury and proclaim sentence without even one question? Am I so righteous that I am allowed to decide how long it should take for a soul to been transformed. Am I so heartless that I would rather judge than love as Christ did? Am I so arrorgant that I neglect my own sin but quickly point to how others should be sinless? Do I always want to be judged by the strictness of the law and be shown no mercy, grace or compassion?

Let me share what the Holy Spirit was saying through me, for my friend, but also for myself and maybe for you too! In relationships...in life for that matter we ALL have sinned and will keep on sinning. Just because you have conquerored something does not mean it is not a problem for someone else. And what might take you a day to overcome might take someone else years. And we will never be perfect...we will keep on sinning and God will keep using the Holy Spirit to teach us, mold us, make us more Christlike. If we could isolate a problem and then just change we would end up one day being perfect. Being Christlike is a day to day struggle...it is a path we are on, covered in God's grace, and it will not end until we leave this world. We, as christians, need to exhibit patience, understanding, trust, and forgiveness to the people we love to help them BE more Christlike and that shows also the transformation in us.

For instance, let's say that you are a husband and you seem to always come home from work late...you get off at 5 p.m., usually end up staying later but more often than not forget to call home. Your wife hates this and the two of you have talked about it. She watches the clock starting at around 3 p.m., counting down the minutes until you get home so that she can get a little help with the children. She also has dinner ready to serve at 5:15 p.m. because she is looking ahead at kitchen clean-up, baths for the kids, and can hardly wait to put them to bed so she can have a break....can't you tell that a woman, wife and mother is coming up with this scenerio!

Well, by the time you roll into the carport forty-five minutes late, humming a few bars of your favorite song, happy as a lark because you finished the project you were working on...your wife has judged you, the jury is in and you are condemned for a life of cold stone treatment! Now keep in mind that I am talking about christians, and a couple that has a good marriage, and a husband and wife that love each other and try their best. There is a problem and it needs to be addressed and worked on but in the law of the Spirit of Life which has brought us the freedom to extend mercy and understanding.

In our relationships we should be slow to judge the actions of another...out of love for that person we should expect that they are doing the best they can. Don't we want that from the people we love? We should expect that they want to and are trying to change those things that cause friction in our relationship. Leave the condemnation out on the side walk....don't convict him without even one question. Don't immediately express utter disaproval. It is right to bring problems out into the light. We need to illuminate our sin, our falleness, our shortcoming. The way to do that though is not through condemnation.

And in the book of Acts we find a good example of condemnation ..."When I went to Jerusalem, the chief priests and elders of the Jews brought charges against him (Paul) and asked that he be condemned." Paul had committed no offenses but was judged and convicted and found to be guilty. CONDEMNATION. And then we have the greatest example of condemnation in the books of Matthew and Luke..."I have examined him in your pressence and have found no basis for your charges against him (Pilate speaking). Neither has Herod; for he sent him back to us; as you can see he has done nothing to deserve death." Luke 23:14b-15. Jesus was tried six times, by both Jewish and Roman officals but never convicted of a crime that deserved death. But yet he was CONDEMNED and suffer a horrible death.

Sinful, yes we are...held to the letter of the law and condemned without mercy or even a question..no, that is not what Jesus teaches us! What an honor that our Lord and Saviour loves me enough to bring this to me today. I can only praise him for showing me that I need to rid my mind and my heart of condemnation and replace it with compassion, patience, love and understanding. What a wonderful Father he is to show me that I need work on my "people skills" and start responding more instead of reacting. What a teacher he is to show me that I need to confront the problems around me but with prayer, love and the Holy Spirit. What a wonderful life I have in Christ Jesus with no condemnation!

Romans 5:16 The gift is not like that which came through the one who sinned; for on the one hand the judgment arose from one transgression resulting in condemnation, but on the other hand the free gift arose from many transgressions resulting in justification.

Romans 5:18 So then as through one transgression there resulted condemnation to all men, even so through one act of righteousness there resulted justification of life to all men.

Divine Road Map

2006-06-20T10:30:00.000-04:00

For me, I have always feared and dreaded uncharted territory. How about you? That feeling of not having a detailed map of our future can cloud the peace and joy that God wants for us each and everyday. My heart knows that God has a road map for me and that he will show me the route if I will put my faith in him. Making my mind join in is the real problem. But in those cases, he has given me yet another lesson from His word…one to help me in my times of weakness.

Reading in the Old Testament, I see that God’s road map for His people was clear. God knew where he wanted his people to go and was faithful to lead them there. There were some things that God used to strengthen His people, and the same things are available to us today as we face our challenges, fears and doubts.

The people of Israel, while standing on the banks of the Jordon River, had one sure thing…they had the record of God’s performance on their behalf, in the past, and so do we!

For forty years, God’s people had been wandering in the desert, yet God wonderfully and miraculously cared for them. First, they got into the wilderness through the miracle of walking through the Red Sea, then God gave them a guidance system. Each day, for forty years, they were led by a pillar of cloud. At night they were led by a pillar of fire. They were wandering, but God was leading them. God spoke through Moses, “I have led you for years in the wilderness. Your clothes have not worn out on you and your sandals have not worn out on your feet.” Deuteronomy 29:5.

This summer, if you feel like you are uncertain of the direction you are to go in…feel the doubt and fear of not knowing what is ahead closing … remember that you have God’s road map. You have the record of God’s faithfulness. And then do one simple thing, take a look at the sandals on your feet. I am sure yours are much like mine…in pretty good shape and definitely not worn off my feet!

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

A Grand and Great Salvation History

2006-06-19T13:31:00.000-04:00

The following came as a sermon from my favorite priest, who is a wonderful man of God and also my friend. It was information I knew....just had not thought of much until it was given illumination this past Easter. I thought it would be something interesting to share with all of you and please comment...I love your input!

Jesus Christ came as the New Moses...to lead us and deliver us!

Let's take a look at the similarities:

Moses was saved from being slaughtered as a young child...
Jesus was taken into Egypt as an infant because of the Royal Decree that would put newborns to death...

Moses led his people through the Red Sea from slavery so that they could begin their journey into the Promised Land...
Jesus was led through the Waters of the Jordan River so that he could begin his journey and ministry...

Moses and the Israelites were out in the wilderness for 40 years going to the Promised Land...
Jesus went from the waters of the Jordan into the wilderness for 40 days of fasting and prayer to prepare himself for his ministry and rebuke Satan...

Moses went up on Mt. Saini to receive the 10 Commandments--God's Law for his people...
Jesus went up on the Mountain to give the Sermon on the Mount--he gave his disciples the New Covenant Law...

Moses chose the 12 tribes of Israel to lead the people and 70 Elders to help...
Jesus chose the 12 disciples to lead his followers and another 70 to help...

Moses prepared his people for the Passover--where the blood of the Lamb saved the first born sons from the angel of death. The Lamb had to be eaten...
Jesus prepares his disciples for his death as the Blood of the Lamb is shed on the cross and his body must be eaten...

These are not just coincidences--this is our Salvation History. This is the story of our King, our prophet, our pastor, our Messiah.

Jesus has formed a New Covenant for us--a new family in his flesh and blood...let us praise God we have the opportunity to receive this wonderful and miraculous gift from our loving God!

And thank you Fr. John for teaching us and giving us more to help us understand our faith, which helps us to grow so that we can love and serve our heavenly Father...you are the best!

First time in a lonnnng time!

2006-06-14T11:01:00.000-04:00

Today I start finals....whew...my heart is fluttering as I write this. And the thought comes to mind, what am I doing on the computer blogging! Well, I want my friends to pray...to pray that my mind will be clear...to pray that my heart beat can slow down...to pray that I am able to do my best...and pray that a spirit of vanity will not come into play. I have noticed that in the school world what you make on your tests matters to everyone. And not usually in a good way. The first few tests we took, after class, everyone stood around asking what everyone else scored. You were gossiped about if you scored poorly and it made every one upset with you if you did better than they did. So, I found very quickly that maybe you should avoid just not answering the questions. WRONG! I tried that too and was pressured into "giving up my scrore". Then what followed was a smart remark and for a week I was not spoken to..(aparently I scored pretty well). So, I have tried very hard to give God the glory for the mind and ability he has given me and I try to scoot out of class before the masses gather. Today, I am nervous but feel almost giddy....really joyful...I am coming to the end of a new beginning..the end of my first quarter in college. I have been praising God and thanking him for this journey he has me on and I want your prayers to...today and tommorrow. Then I have a rest for almost 3 whole weeks. Praise God! Thanks for your prayers and faithfulness!

"Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, O Lord, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all. Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name." 1Chronicles 29:11-13

A new ministry

2006-06-12T08:58:00.000-04:00

What a change in my life…after being home and taking care of my family for all these years…to be going to school. In all the scenarios of my life, I would have never thought of this one. I do know that God has a plan for me. Over the last three months the Holy Spirit has been whispering continually in my ear. I have always felt like I wore an invisible pair of glasses that the Holy Spirit wanted me to look through. These “Holy Spirit” glasses, instead of “rose colored glasses”, have enabled me to see confusion, hurt, loneliness, and longing for something in the people around me. And the day I started school the Holy Spirit handed me the glasses again…"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, Because he anointed me to preach good tidings to the poor He hath sent me to proclaim release to the captives, And recovering of sight to the blind, To set at liberty them that are captive” Luke 4: 18.

There is a young woman who sits behind me in one of my classes…a warm, sweet, kind young woman…married with two young children. One day we were talking and this young woman asked me if I knew she had her first child in high school before she had gotten married. I was careful with my response and asked her how that worked for her. Did the students at school give her a hard time or treat her differently? She was very open with me and told me that she was a cheerleader, popular, and that most kids thought it was kinda cool. So I asked her how her parents felt about it…they were fine with it….her mother, at age sixteen, had her out of wedlock. She then told me that it wasn’t a big deal, she married the man she had sex with.

There is another young woman, a tiny woman with an appetite like a horse. She sits next to me and a couple of times a week I bring her a sweet treat…little bags of candy, jaw breakers, mints, etc…She is 27 and has 4 children ages 9 and under. She is friendly, positive, funny, and sincere. She has been married 4 times and keeps telling me how she just has trouble finding the right man.

There is a man, forty, divorced with one child. He lives with his parents and had a stroke two years ago and has been recovering since. He is still not 100% but works hard and wants to do well in life. He seeks me out and always wants me to check his homework. He is a nice guy....who is working hard on his life to pull it all together. He has a bad habit of using foul language around me and I jokingly correct him. It has gotten now when he uses a foul word, he immediately laughs then tells me he is sorry…he forgot I was in the room…he didn’t see me….it just slipped out. We always laugh and go on with what we were doing. He is a nice, respectful man.

What does all this have to do with anything I could be writing about? Well, I was telling my daughter, the other day, that I am concerned about these people. These kind, everyday, regular people lie heavy on my heart. I think of them, and many more good people just like them, and I feel a heaviness in my heart. Why?.... because they are really nice people, going honestly about their lives, trying day in and day out to do the right things. They live by a pretty good moral standard, they are good parents, good children.... BUT….good is not enough for eternal life. You see, they are not Christians. They have no relationship with Jesus. They don’t think they need Jesus. They don’t understand that even though they are good people, they still need to ask Jesus to be their Lord and Saviour to have eternal life. They don’t see that they need Christ in their hearts and master of their lives to gain eternity.
Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty....For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son, and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day." John 6:35,40

Oh, it is easy to show a drug abuser, or a postitute or a person behind locked doors and prison bars why they need to change their lives...why they need something better. But, the people that I am coming in contact with..."Me...I don't need help in my life. I'm a pretty good husband/wife, i'm a pretty good father/mother. I am good to my parents, have a life that runs smooth most of the time...and after all, you can't expect life to be perfect, can you?" How do we minister to this particular group of people and is it being done enough in our everyday lives? Do we and are we just accepting the fate of these everyday people? In our social concern for the homeless, the drug addict, the postitute have we forgotten the person who looks socially acceptable, who acts responsibly and seems to have their life together except for the fact that they are not christians? I know, in this life here on earth, that there is a joy, a peace, a sense of longing that can only come from our heavenly Father. No matter how well you think your life is going by your own power that it is no match to having the power of God with you. And then there is a life beyond, eternal life. A life either with or without the King of Kings for all eternity. "I have come that they might hve life and have it more abundantly." John 10:10. "Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the well of salvation." Isaiah 12:2-3

I have realized in the last three months that I have over looked this ministry. I have seen a homeless person standing on the street corner and quickly uttered a prayer for their salvation. I have seen a television special on drug addiction or postitution and that night have prayer for those in Satan's web. But, God is showing me that there are people sitting next to me in school, in line at the grocery store, in the seat next to me at the football game that need ministering to. They need to see, by our example, the peace that can only come from God being our Father. They need to see the joy in us that is only gained through Jesus living personally with and in us. And they need words of love and friendship and salvation that come from the Holy Spirit directing and leading us.

I am going to be faithful to pray for my new friends and I am also going to start praying in the morning that the Holy Spirit show me other invisible souls that need ministering to. My prayer, that God will lead me each day will have a new line to it..."Jesus, lead me to the souls that are not yet gained by you..that seem invisible to most because they blend in so much. Paint them, Lord for me to see with a big red heart. Use me, together and led by your Holy Spirit, to plant seeds of salvation in their hearts so that I can have a reunion again one day with them in your heavenly kingdom!" Amen..

Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertainted angels without knowing it. Hebrews 13:1-2

And Blessings There Were

2006-06-06T07:56:00.000-04:00

I must confess that this story of my life over the last six months might be a touch boring to some of you. But for my husband and I, it has been a journey, a journey of God's love for us as His children, of His protection for us, His will for our lives, and a fullfillment of His promises to us. Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I that live, but Christ living in me: and that [life] which I now live in the flesh I live in faith, [the faith] which is in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself up for me.

So here we are, without a job, no money, we have put to bed all our contacts, and we have no idea what we are going to do. But God knows what we need.."Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need" Hebrews 4:16. We did approach the throne and we tried to approach it with confidence. I have found that approaching the throne is the most important...God will give us the confidence.

It was during this period of time that others stepped in and helped us out. Family not only helped us with our bills they also supported us mentally and spiritually...asking questions but then being positive and supportive of what we were doing and thinking. My parents and sisters were concerned but postive and encouraging. And it wasn't only family. An architect, that Russell had a long working relationship with, was due a check for work he had done. He turned the check over to us as a gift...an electricial engineer that had worked on many projects with Russell also turned the payment for a job he had done over to us to help keep us on our feet. And one day as we passed by a shopping center my husband spied a friend that he had worked with on several projects. My husband pulled over into the parking lot and got out of the car to say hello. My husband's ears were greeted with words that brought new HOPE...."Hey, Russ, where in the world have you been hiding!? I've been looking all over for you. We need you."

To shorten this some, he and another past client were forming a company and going to build a multi-hotel complex with stores and restaurants. Russell had already completed the site design in November, before he was let go from his job, so he was familar with the project. After several meetings, they decided that Russell would take on the job of site manager, something on the other end of what he was used to doing but definitely challenging and could be very good for his future.

Has something happened in your life that you just knew was not a coincidence? This was one of those somethings in our life. All the pieces fit together at just the right time, with the right people, and with circumstances that we just knew were from God. Yet, we lacked confidence...but again my family was right there. We were out at a birthday lunch for a family member and Russell sat next to Dad to talk to him and I was sitting next to Mom. As the guys were deep in their discussion, Mom inquired what was going on. I shared with her and also told her my concerns. How do I know if this was really the Lord or us just wanting to get back to work. She responded with a heartful of confidence, enough for all of us. She told me that the Lord didn't part the Red Sea until the Israelites stuck their toes in the water. She told me that "Faith" is stepping out and seeing what and where the Lord leads you. She reminded me that you can't walk through a closed door but when a door opens you need to walk through it whether you stay in that room and not. And a door had definitely been opened and we decided to enter into whatever was ahead. Thank you Lord for loving, supportive parents.

Russell started work as our journey continued. There was a company that Russell really wanted to be a part of. He put in an application with them that first week that he was told he was going to be out of work. He checked back with them about every three weeks. When he was hired in this new job he even took some of the plans to this company to get a second opinion on some issues. It was his hearts desire to work for this one company yet he was willing to do what God wanted him to do. And I prayed and prayed and prayed.

Remember how I told you earlier that Russell had gotten a little restless in what he had been doing. That he was wondering if the grass was a little greener on the other side of the fence. We thought that God had brought this job to us so that Russell would have a different direction to go in..a new direction using the skills and knowledge he already had...a chance to add more diversity to his already long list of talents. Again, God used this time to show us that our knowledge is so very, very limited in relationship to His plans for us!

As the days and weeks went by, Russell became more and more frustrated. He hated what he was doing. His relationship with the two men who owned the company was in good shape but everything about the job he was growing to dislike more and more each day. He was frustrated and his confidence and mental attitude was being to show under the strain of not working, then of getting a job with high hopes, only for him to dislike the job immensely. I tried to stay constant... praying with him and for him but also reminding him that there had to be a purpose in what God was doing.

He was at his lowest point...broken and ready for God's mercy when, by mutual agreement the project was put on hold. Russell parted ways with them, as friends, but really was somewhat relieved. Yet, somehow we were not concerned anymore. We were peaceful and my husband had lost all that restlessness I had seen in him. I could see the work that had been done in both of us and had come become strengthened and assured that God was going to do what He has promised us all...to care for us, to love us, to guide us, to provide for us.

One of the last tasks for Russell to do was to go to the company that was consulting on the hotel plans, pay them and get the report. Remember this is the company that he had been hounding for five long months...the dream job....the place he is sure has a future for him. Upon entering the vice-presidents office he is greeted with.."glad you are here! I have had a letter in my briefcase for three weeks now that I want to talk to you about. It is a proposal for you to come to work for us. I haven't had time to mail it, things had been crazy around here, but I was wondering how and if you left the other job how we could make that change come about." Oh, my God! And I don't mean that in a disrespectful manner. "He did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised." Romans 4:20-21.

God in his wisdom knew what we needed to be strengthened, to be stretched, to be brought closer to Him. He knew what was needed to bring us where we needed to be according to His plan. And he knew how to bring us there! Like the words he spoke to Abraham.."God himself will provide the lamb" Genesis 22:8, we have been brought to a deeper level of understanding that God's provision is true, wonderful, and good. We will be tested with trials but we, as His children, will also be blessed with unspeakable glory.

Russell started his dream job, May 22, 2006, and he is grateful, peaceful, humbled, and blessed. And the journey has one more part that has more to do about myself than it does with Russell. That will be in my next post. But, for now, know that I am writing this out of obedience to God...."Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples". 1 Chronicles 16: 12, 24. I am going to declare His glory, His blessings, His grace, His mercy, His love, and His works to all.....for to Him all glory and honor be given.

Amen!

Journey in Faith and Trust...part 2

2006-06-02T10:01:00.000-04:00

Since this is part 2 let's jump right in especially since I can hardly wait to share with you...boy, have I missed this!!!

So, there we were without a job for the first time in 34 years and again on the front lines of "God, what do you want for our lives!" This is a place, that for us is not very comfortable...we find it hard to trust. Not that we don't believe...we do believe that God can and will take care of our every need but we get confused that we are not listening or following correctly so we agonize over everything.

So, for the first month or so Russell went to everyone that knew his name and asked for a job. At first, he was very positive and had alot of interviews. One thing that God revealed to us was what a great reputation Russell had. Over and over God showed us that the life Russell had led, being set apart from alot of what the world thinks business should be, had become a blessing in a well-though of reputation. But many great interviews and still no job offers! As each day passed, I became more and more convicted that this had alot more to do with a plan that God had for us and alot less with employment and paying bills. "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect...He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down and make me great. You broaden the path beneath me so that my ankles do not turn." Psalm 18:32, 34-36. Oh, yes...this was not just a bad break in life...God had a plan for us and for our future!

There is a story in 1 Samuel that tells about Saul's father Kisk asking Saul to go out and look for Kisk's lost donkeys. Saul takes a servant with him and out they go. After searching for three days and having no luck in finding his father's donkeys the servant suggests that they talk to Samuel, the great seer. Of course, going to see Samuel was all part of God's plan for Saul. The great prophet Samuel was expecting Saul and was waiting on him. Samuel had been told by God that Saul was the man that was going to be annointed as king. "I am the seer," Samuel replied. "Go up ahead of me to the high place, for today you are to eat with me, and in the morning I will let you go and will tell you all that is in your heart." 1 Samuel 9:19.

God was using the loss of the family's donkeys to bring Saul into his destiny. If it had not been important to Saul to find those donkeys he would have never gone to Samuel. As for us, we were motivated to seek God for our future because of the loss of something we valued...our livelihod. We were driven to seek God, knowing that we had a desire for something we could not get on our own. We knew we needed to seek God for direction, healing and provision.

Don't let me misled you...we are not the Billy Graham family! We are just regular people, thrown into one of those situations in which you realize how much you need God and how little you can do on your own. We did not spend our days smiling and talking about how great life is...we were not confident in our future and we had to keep repeating to ourselves and each other to "Trust God....HE WILL TAKE CARE OF US!" Most of the talks with our family (Mom and Dad) started out with a postive note,"Oh, we are fine...Russell had another interview today and it looked really good." and about halfway through it was, "We know God has something out there for us...I mean don't you think that too! I mean he does have something for us..I least we hope he has something for us...okay, yes, He has something for us don't you think?" As I said, we are not the Billy Graham family!!!

And we did pray...I would go with Russell to job interviews and sit in the car, on more than 1/2 dozen occasions for 3-4 hours... read my bible and pray. I was brought to the place that the only part I was able to play was encourager and prayer warrior. And pray I did...not that he would get one job or another but we had been brought to the place that I was able to pray that God would protect my husband and bring him the job that would glorify our King the most. Bring Russell the job that was the place that God wanted us in. In my heart I knew that it was be a long journey...that God had allowed this to happen to us for a reason and the job was going to come in His time, when the work He wanted to complete in us was finished. God had shown me that there was a restlessness in my husband...a big part of him was tied up and bound in always doing what was right for the family but Russell wanted to see what else there was for him in life...wasn't there something bigger, better, more exciting he could be doing with ten hours a day every day of the week? Yes, after 34 years of working he definetly wanted or so he thought something different.

Well, it seems this is going to turn into a novel....this is what happens when you don't write for three months. I guess I will stop here and Monday pick up with part 3. I have so much more that I think the Lord wants me to say...there I go again...am I sure I am hearing Him or it is just that I like to write? Does He want me to share all of this or it is just important to me because I lived it? You see what I mean...God wants me to share this journey and share is what I am going to do!!!

Peace to you all and have a wonderful weekend full of God's blessings...

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. Psalm 19:1-4

A Journey of Faith and Trust

2006-06-01T11:54:00.000-04:00

Greetings to you all from the Here and After!!!

When I started writing about my "Here", my life that I loved and had only known it to be one way for about 20 years, and the "After", the part of life that was upon me but not what I wanted or loved or even knew anything about.....well, let me say this...I thought that was about the hardest journey I was going to be thrust into. I have felt for some time that I was wandering in the desert....trying to hear God's voice, trying to feel that there was a place for me in this life...that God had a purpose and a plan for me for the next 25-30 years but I was struggling.

As I wandered through this desert of mine, I found that there where many mothers who felt the same as I...felt a loss....felt old...used up...struggled with what is our purpose now! As I sit here writing this I still don't have many answers, mostly still questions and will continue to try to work through the questions while writing... but one thing I know for sure is that God continues to stretch us, to test us, to challenge us even when we think we don't have it in us, "And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. I Corth. 10:13

And stretch me he has! I have been gone for some months and I would like to share with you some of what has been happening in our little world..."We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened tha we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us , as you help us by our prayers. 2 Corinthians 1:8b-11a.

I will probably write about this on a few posts because there is so much to share...so much to witness to...so much of a testimony. Okay, here goes....my husband went to work the week of Christmas and was informed that his boss had decided that the engineering part of the business was tooo much stress on him so he was going to shut it down. First of all this is a man my husband has worked for on a part-time basis since 1994, then my husband left a twenty year career as a fireman in 2000 to work for this man full-time. My husband ran the engineering part of the business, never had any sort of problems on the job with his boss and we even thought we were somewhat friends. When my husband's boss married a Russian woman and they were away and needed a cat picked up from an airport 3 hours away and then cared for until they returned.. we were the ones that they asked the favor of. The four of us had been out together socially...dinner several times and even one night we went out line-dancing together.

His boss only had the highest of praise for my husband and frequently they would go to lunch and discuss clients, work, and the intimate details of the business. At one time this man even made my husband a vice-president on paper of one of his companies. The week this news of termination came up they had shared lunch together just days before, discussed future plans for the company and some big projects that my husband might pursue. Not one word of folding the business...not one single word. I might sound bitter but let me assure you I am not...I think really, really disillusioned is a much better word. Even with the termination there was alot of dishonesty...he told my husband that they would need to close out the projects being that my husband was the only one who knew what was going on. He gave my husband the impression that there would be work and a paycheck for about another month or so....after one week we were given a final two-week paycheck and asked to clean out the office. No severence pay...no time to look for another job....just a really hard taste of life to swallow at the New Year.

This might not sound like such bad news to some...maybe many of you have lost your jobs and gone on to bigger and better things. But for my husband, it was hard, real hard! He has worked since he was fourteen years old and had never been let go from his job. For him and alot of men, their work is their identity...helps them define how they are as a parent, a husband, a provider. He is also part of that generation that believes that if you work hard, are honest, and give the company your all you will be there forever and be rewarded in the end. I know that the world is changing in that..that people in their thirties do change jobs about every seven years...look for different opportunites and want to diversify...but they are of a different generation.

So, we started the new year without a job and our mental state was not very good. As the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months we tried not to despair but it was a daily battle. Why is it when we need God the most we seem to have such a hard time coming to Him!!There is one scripture I kept coming to "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect." 1 Corinthians 15:10 . I am..my husband and I both are...one of God's children, stained with sin, but washed clean with the self-sacrificing blood of Christ. We are far from perfect...sometimes we stumble, sometimes we roll....like we fell from the top of the hill...rolling, rolling, rolling...unable to stop and by our own strength, pick ourselves up. That, I have found is when God reaches out his strong, wide, loving hands and sweeps us up in mid-roll...dusts us off and sets us back on our feet on sturdy, level ground! It is only by HIS GRACE and NOT WITHOUT EFFECT that when we are weak He gives us strength.

There is so much I want to share....so much God has shown me..so much protection, so many lessons learned, so much love that has been shared with us. I want to put down in writing the testimony that this journey has brought to us and as the scriptures tell us.."I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong--that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith". Romans 1:11-12.

I want to thank you for your e-mails, your prayers and for showing your love for me....there are times when we are unable to share all but you have shown real christian love. Not knowing what was going on but e-mailing, checking in, sending messages all shows your deep love and committment for the circumstances of others. There is no possible way for me to express how very much it has meant....how comforting it has been and it was a testimony to us that there are people in life that really care about us and our life...Thank you from the deepest part of my heart and soul.

And don't despair....Colette will be back tomorrow with Part 2 of "The Here and After's" Journey in Faith and Trust....after all isn't that what life is!!!!

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:15-16

Cartoon versus reality

2006-03-03T11:55:00.000-05:00

On my screen saver I have Pepe Le Pew. At this age, I know I should be a little more sophisicated but I love Pepe Le Pew. The artist in me loves the contrast of black and white....the mother in me recognizes the mischievous but yet innocent look on his face ( kind of like my children at certain ages in their lives)...the child in me laughs at his antics (and the fact that he gets away with them)...the adventurer in me dreams of far-away people in far-away places when he speaks with the foreign and mysterious accent that he has been given....and yes, the romantic in me blushes every time he amorously pursues the unattainable (not sure that's a word but you get the point).

Hang in there with me...I know at this point you are thinking that I don't have enough to do...that I need to get a life...and "how old is this woman!?". After all, you have read this far so maybe I have hooked you! When I was sitting at the desk with the computer on, and was gazing into the face of good old Pepe, this came to me......

All the things in the first paragraph are feelings and there is another side...take a REAL skunk...their coloring might look great but, the fact of the matter is that, they can emit a horrible foul smell that clings to you for almost life, or seems like it, if you have ever been sprayed by one. Just passing by their road kill can cause me to gag and turns my stomach for miles. They are also pesky... skunks dig holes in lawns and golf courses, eat your garden produce, prey on poultry and waterfowl, damage beehives, den under buildings,and are a host for rabies. That sure ain't my dreamland Pepe. Okay, so we are having an animal lesson. No....(but the homeschooling teacher is never far away)!

It came to me that this funny, amorous, cutie-pie of a skunk can be alot like sin! This being the beginning of Lent and all, I have been thinking about looking real deep into my heart and also examining my motives. Sin can be alot like how I see good old Pepe Le Pew. We can turn from the reality of sin, we can look cock-eyed at sin, we can pretend that what we are doing, even if we know it is sin, is really something different. Kind of like I look at the cartoon version of Pepe instead of looking at the real animal a skunk is.

There might be sin in our lives that we think is not hurting anyone....like looking at a skunk and calling him "sooo cute" when he is really running around with rabies and rabies is no prize! Or there could be sin in our lives that is keeping us from bearing fruit...just like that presky skunk that is in our garden eating all the vegetables. We want to produce a garden full of wonderful fruit. We do not want the fruit to be eaten away by sin. What about the sin that preys on our relationships...our children, spouses, family and friends!? There is our cartoon, we can fool ourselves and say we are just being bold, suave, aggressive...but is that sin like that old skunk, lying in wait to prey on waterfowl and poultry. Or maybe there is sin in our lives that is pushed down deep within us and has made a home for itself, moved in and become comfortable. We are pretty comfortable with Pepe and his amorous pursuits but maybe there is sin in us like a real skunk that has burrowed in us and has made a den for himself....settled in, taken over a part of our hearts.

These are the ways sin can look different from the reality....just like the cartoon versus the real life animal. So during these next forty days, take a good look...look hard and deep. Pray and most of all listen. Listen for the Lord to reveal to you the sin that needs to be outrooted, exposed, uncovered to be what it is and then repent and turn from it. This Lent, let's uncover the reality of the sin in our life....then we can look at Pepe and see him for what he is ...just one really cute, funny and amorous cartoon character and just that!

Prayer is needed!

2006-03-03T09:59:00.000-05:00

We need to be joined in prayer....my parents are in Washington State visiting my aunt when they received word from another aunt that my cousin had been taken to a hospital in Vancover, B.C. She had been struggling with a severe headache. Through the night before last, at the hospital, they could not get the headache under control. They did a MRI and discovered a brain anorysm. I opened my mail this morning and the following was sent 1am west coast time:

Dear Ones,
Just found out that they are operating Lila at this time. Understand the report is that she has a 20% chance of survival from the operation. The doctor says that it is the largest brain anorysm that they have ever seen in that hospital in Vancover. The doctor also said that if she does survive that there is a 50% chance that she will live over 2 weeks. Please pray!
Love, Dad

My cousin needs prayer and now. Please pass this on...will update when I get info. Thank you for joining me in prayer and being a part of my family in Christ Jesus!
Colette

That six letter word!...

2006-03-01T09:30:00.000-05:00

The definition in my Christian dictionary of humble is this: "Not proud or haughty; having or showing a modest estimate of one's own importance". A word with just six little letters but a character trait that is so hard to gain. The opposite of humble is proud...and I think, we as humans, are born with some pride in some area of our lives. I know that because of pride God has had to humble me and let me tell you...it ain't pretty!

My husband and I use to get tickets for "Duck Unlimited" dinners. The organization promotes the wood duck and it is usually a "guy's" thing. They have a bar with your usual "Hooters" girls serving the drinks, a buffet with fried quail, BIG steamed shrimp, and usually some big roasted hog laid out in the middle of the table. And then there is the auction...shotguns, outdoor signed prints of ducks and deer and BIG fish, more guns, wilderness trips to hunt some kind of fowl or four legged creature, more guns, and the big prize...the newest four wheeler on the market. Anyway, we always get tickets and go for business reasons. One of my husband's biggest clients is the president and there are many engineers, contractors, DOT management men there. Alot of people to see and alot of being seen for my husband. My husband always takes me even though (other than the Hooter's girls) there are not many women. He has always seen it as an opportunity for a night out for us and I do enjoy it. I know alot of the men and know a good bit about the projects my husband works on. So, after going a few times....yes, I got a little proud...proud you say! Oh, yes, it was fun for me to be arm candy for the night and show those Hooter girls a little class! That was my mistake...you see, no one would have ever guessed I felt that way...pride can be an easy thing to hide...but boy, it had welled up in me. This particular Thursday, that night being our dinner, I bought some really cool white designer slacks, a white silk blouse, and headed for my stylist. She was going to give me some blonde highlights, give me a cut and then fix my hair and all in time to meet up with my hubby. I wore my designer outfit....I would have no time to go home. Proud, oh yea, when I walked into the room they where going to know I had arrived! Well, I did turn heads, everyone knew I arrived but not in the way my pride and vanity wanted. You see, my stylist (who is no longer my stylist) made a boo-boo on my hair. My whole head came out white...yes, white. I had to go there. My husband was waiting with two other couples and there was no way to contact him. So, when I walked through the doors that night for dinner, I turned heads, people talked about me, I made an impression.....but not because I looked so sophisticated, not because I looked like I had class, not because of any of the reasons my pride had been setting me up for. They noticed me because I looked like one huge marshmallow! And I mean, one BIG WHITE MARSHMALLOW! The last thing I had earlier that day was a "modest estimate of my importance" but boy, did that put me in my place. I was humbled!

How many of you like the picture on your driver's license? In the past, I thought my pictures were all pretty good up until the dreadful picture of 2001. I had become very self -conscious about having my picture taken. I was going through that "getting old" phase and I had gained some weight and it seemed to me that, in most pictures, my head was the size of a balloon, my eyes the size of LeSeur tiny peas and wrinkles that looked like the San Andeas fault. But, this was the year I had to renew my license and that meant getting my picture taken. When it came time to stand in the little red box and look at the camera....well, let's say it was beyond the worse picture I have ever taken. I cocked my head to one side, squinted, but at the same time rolled my eyes almost into the back of my head and did something really weird with my mouth. I don't think what I did could be classified as a smile...it kind of looked like a snarl with my mouth opened. Let's put it this way...when I showed it to my husband he looked at it and told me he willing to pay WHATEVER it cost and get the picture redone. It became such a joke within my family that every time we would go to Wal-Mart or Target and someone would ask to see my license when writing a check they would stand behind me and shake their heads to the checkout person like they were giving the person a warning. Once in a while they would actually say "Oh, you don't really want her to show you that!" It was all in fun...the fact being that I had "exalted myself"...age wasn't going to show on me...I had been a model in my younger days and I was always going to be able to look good...I was hiding pride....I was prideful of the way I looked and every time I had to pull out that driver's license I was brought to a place where I had to "have a modest estimate of my own importance". Yes, I was humbled over and over and over!

There are many more....things that happen in life to make you realize that you are "not as important" as you think you are. All of us have been there and felt that! And, yes, I have been humbled and then had to examine my own motives, my own desires, my own private thoughts. I have had to swallow my pride, recognize why I did what I did, repent and then try to put it behind me. Some of the time that has been easy, other times not so easy, especially when it involves other people and you have to "show your face again", those times when my humbling is more public than private.

But go on I do and with a changed heart. My goal and aim to do as it imstructs us in Ephesians 4:2, "Be completely humble and gentle". When I loose my way and start thinking like the world would have me think, my Father gently stands with me while I learn my lesson and then He is there with loving arms to welcome me back. He continually reminds me that by the world's standards I might be lowly, and unimportant...I might not be the most liked or the smartest. But, by His standards I was hand picked...I was made just as I should have been and that I am so important in the heavenly realm that death came upon my Father so that I might live....mistakes and all.

Today, with ashes on my forehead I am humbled...I am humbled because with all my failures..with all my imperfections...with stubborness and willfullness I have a Father who loves me anyway. Today, this humbling I am rejoicing in...a word with six sweet letters.

And what does the Lord require of me? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with my God. Micah 6:8

Participating in Jesus' Final Journey

2006-02-27T07:41:00.000-05:00

There are many christian faiths that are starting the season of Lent on Wednesday...Ash Wednesday. Lent is the forty day period of repentance, fasting, prayer and spiritual discipline in preparation for Easter. We join with Jesus as he went into the wilderness for forty days of fasting, meditation and reflection before beginning his ministry. The season is "about being born again, it is about following the path of death and resurrection, and about participating in Jesus' final journey". Ash Wednesday begins our journey.

On Ash Wednesday, the pastor uses ashes, ideally ashes from the burning of palm fronds from the previous year's Palm Sunday celebration, to mark the sign of the cross on the foreheads of the faithful. As the sign of the cross is marked on our foreheads the words "Dust thou art and dust thou wilt return", are spoken over us. It is a very vivid reminder of our own mortality and reminds us not only of our death but that we are marked for death and that path of death is about transformation.

We must take a hard look at ourselves. We must die to the sin that is holding us back from a fuller relationship with our Father. It might be an attitude, a behavior, a relationship. It could be a self-preoccupation or even a "deadness in our lives (you can die to deadness)". Ash Wednesday starts that journey of meditating of what needs to "die" in our lives, of repenting for that sin and then of praying and fasting. Of course, we should be doing this all year but this season gives us the oppportunity to participate and focus intensly on the journey of Jesus from Galilee to Jerusalem...from death and resurrrection...from mortality to transformation.

Just as Jesus had to die to be resurrected, so must we die to the sinfulness of our human nature so that we may be born again. We know that it is only by God's grace and the sacrifice of his son, for us, that we can be born again but isn't that what we as christians continually yearn for!? Don't we all want a fuller, closer, more intimate relationship with the Father!? Isn't transformation at the center of Christian life!?

The Bible does not mention Ash Wednesday or the custom of Lent, but the practice of repentence and mourning in ashes is found in scripture. Here are some:

Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornamented robe she was wearing. She put her hand on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went. 2 Samuel 13:19

When Mordecai learned of all that had been done, he tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and ashes, and went out into the city, wailing loudly and bitterly. Esther 4:1

Then Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it as he sat among the ashes. Job 2:8

I turned to the Lord God and pleaded with him in prayer and petition, in fasting, and in sackcloth and ashes. Daniel 9:3

"Woe to you, Korazin! Woe to you Bethsaida! If the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. Matthew 11:21

I am eagerly awaiting my ashes this Ash Wednesday. I want to weep in repentence for my sins. I want to fall on my face and beg my Father's forgiveness for "what I have done and what I have failed to do". I want the physical reminder that my human body will turn to dust but my soul will return to God, my creator and maker. I know that I will not be on Earth forever, but I also know that my soul will never die and that what I do now, in this life, matters. I want my ashes on Wednesday, I want to die to sin, I want forty days of praying, of fasting, of journeying with Christ.....I want to be transformed...to be born again and again and again. I want to continue to bring my relationship with God deeper and deeper and deeper. Won't you spend the next forty days with me and Jesus!?

"Even now", declares the Lord, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning." Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. Who knows? He may turn and have pity and leave behind a blesssing - gain offerings and drink offerings for the Lord your God. Joel 2:12-14

My lighthouse..

2006-02-23T16:31:00.000-05:00

Monday my parents needed me to drive them and their guest, that is visiting from Canada, to Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. Their visitor really wanted to see the Atlantic Ocean and it was too long a drive for my mother (my father does not drive, he is blind), so I was their designated driver. I was glad to do it and my husband was able to come along so it made a very nice day trip. My husband, children and I have been vacationing on Hilton Head for the last 20+ years so I suggested to Daddy that we go down to the beach and then go to Harbor Town (which is an exclusive part of the island) and visit the lighthouse and see the harbor and yachts. He was game for the idea so off we went.

After we finished on the beach we proceeded as planned and went to the lighthouse. Dad stayed downstairs..no reason for a blind man to climb ninety feet to the top, he couldn't see anything anyway...Mama and my husband almost jogged to the top, camcorder in tow...Mr. Loren and I decided to read all the plaques on each floor on the way up. I figure if someone is going to come all the way from Alberta, Canada, he may as well get educated as to what the history is (that's the homeschool mom in me)! There was plenty of information and history about lighthouses since most of this part of the coast was important for bring goods in and then transporting them down the Savannah River.

What I found most interesting was the concept of the lighthouses. Their use was to aid in the sailors navigation of the waters and dangers closer to shore; dangers which included islands, reefs and points of land. In the daylight the lightghouses can be seen; at night its light is visible. In earlier times there were fires sent upon the highest points along the coast so the boats and ships could determine the coast line from the burning fires. Then, when they built lighthouses they found that the higher they built them the farther the light could be seen. The lighthouse keepers had to carry fuel all the way to the top to light the fire in the lighthouse and then had to keep the fire going all night, every night without fail. The lighthouses were refered to as "sentinel of the rocks" and "beacons of light". Not only were they useful in calm, moonlight, starry nights to be a guide but more often they were "saviours" to navigating the nightmare of treacherous, rocky coast lines. The beams of light, when spotted, were greeted by many sailors with elation.

As I stood high in the air looking out over the ocean I could not help but think of another "beacon of light", another "sentinel of the rocks". My blessed Lord is my "beacon of light", my "sentinel of the rocks". He (my lighthouse) is out there in the calm waters of life..sturdy and tall... and my lighthouse is also out there in the stormy seas of this world letting His light shine so bright so that it can been seen easily. He is beckoning to us, giving light to the darkness, and if we follow His light, it will manuver us safetly through rough waters. My "becon of light" is there on clear, calm days and also on the moonlit, starry nights, tall and sturdy, navigating me safetly through life. On those calm waters and clear nights, knowing the light is there, knowing the light is steadfast, knowing that all I need to do is look up, stills my heart, soul and mind and gives to me security and comfort. During the rocky voyages of life, I am comforted, just like the sailors must have been, because I can rest in assurance the my "sentinel of the rocks" is standing tall, strong and His light is burning bright. I know that my "sentinel of the rocks" will guide my life safetly into the habor and out of the menacing, sometimes treacherous waters of life. Another thing....the 'beacon of light" the "sentinel of the rocks" is not just my own personal lighthouse. His sructure is so tall, so sturdy, so magnicient that it can be seen from any waters, anywhere. His light burns so bright that there is no stormy waters, no treacherous obstacles that His light cannot illuminate and guide us through. This most special lighthouse is for us all, His purpose to reassure us in calm waters but also to give light to and guidance through all the darkness and rough waters we encounter. All we need to do is fix our eyes on our "beacon of light".....He is there shining brightly and piercing the darkness!

One Unit, One Body

2006-02-18T07:57:00.000-05:00

As a family we are going through a rough time...something I do not feel I can share but know that you will be praying and I know at some point there will be a resolution to what is going on. During this time, though, I have been truly blessed! This scripture came to mind...The body is a unit though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body-whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free- we were all given one Spirit to drink....But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. 1 Corinthians 12:12-13,18-19.

The Lord brought me this scripture because he has given me the eyes, and the grace to see those in Christ living out this very scripture. I have been blessed to clearly be a part of "the parts forming the one body". Let me share with you....

Yesterday, in the mail, I received a birthday card from a dear sister in Christ, who is a fellow homeschooler and blogger. I have not even know this woman one year, we have never met and she lives in British Columbia, Canada and I in the deep South, Georgia. I have never seen this woman and never talked to her on the phone. The intimate and close friendship I feel from her is not because I get to be a part of her life in the traditional way...going to the same church, babysitting her kids, playing in the park together with our families....the strong bond I feel is from her strong christian faith and her willingness to look upon me as a sister in Christ. I feel like we are one body. God has used her, even though we are thousands of miles apart, living different lives, and maybe will never physically ever spend any time together in the same country little less the same house. She has lifted me up, she has shared my burdens, she has taught me and helped me to grow, she has prayed for me, she has encouraged me, and she has shared my life. That one single birthday card...her birthday was this month and when she posted about it I told her my birthday is this month too...this card meant a great deal to me. It arrived just days before my birthday and on a day when I really needed encouragement. We are two separate parts of the body but "we have formed one body with Christ".

But, it is not only my Canadian friend who has has made this scripture come alive....I have a blogger friend in Alabama. A kind, strong, very musicial, young (in his twenties) man, who has shown such depth of caring, compassion and kindness to me. He also is a christian, has prayed for me, taught me much, brought laughter to my lips, moved me with his depth of faith and showed for me real concern. During the month of November I had a little medical scare (at the time wasn't so sure it was little). I became very quiet on my blog. He, more than once, asked about my where abouts, and prayed for me...showed a genuine concern. He is faithful to read what I post and make comments...share his beliefs with me and be an encourager. But, there again we are such different parts of the body! He is young, single, busy, muscial...I am none of those. We do both live in the south and can relate to that but I know his everyday life is very different than mine but yet we have "formed one body in Christ Jesus" and I really feel it.

There is a bible study I am attending...not at my church and not even my denomination. But there have been a handful of woman who have shared very private parts of their lives with me. We again have prayed together, learned the word together, and cried together. Even though I have found out that some of their beliefs are different than mine, and their lives are lived in a different way than mine, we are one body, one unit. One woman, who I took an instant liking to has recently moved here from Maryland. Her mother and sister came to the bible study one morning and after I shared about the struggle in the "here and after" the mother came and shared with me! She said she was starting, for the third time, on a new path in life. She was encouraging, loving, open and honest. I even asked her if it was easier the third time and she frankly told me NO! But she did share that she continues to be strengthened and her faith becomes greater. Those words and her being so frank with me and also her humor meant a great deal to me. Then she was gone....gone back north and I will probably never see her again. We were different parts...age, background, life experiences...but for those twenty minutes we "formed one body in Christ".

And one last blessing....an elderly gentleman (born 1923), who is from Alberta, Canada came down this past week to visit my mom and dad. He grew up in the area my father did and knows all my dad's family. He is a missionary pastor to the Cree indians in that part of North America. Again, we are different parts....age, background, where we live (he didn't even marry until he was 56, I was married right out of high school). He doesn't have children and his wife passed away some time ago. Yet, when he came out to my home, in the country for a visit we talked, shared, laughted, and encouraged each other. We talked about the scriptures and what they meant to us. "We are different parts but we formed one body".

Again, "the body is a unit, although it is made up of many parts; and though all it's parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ......but in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be..." I thank you for being your part of the body of Christ...I thank you for coming together with me to form one body in Christ Jesus...I thank my Almighty Father for baptizing me by one Spirit into one body and giving me ,as He has given to you, that same one Spirit to drink. And I thank God for letting me see the fruit of being one unit, one body! Amen...

Roll of the Dice

2006-02-13T06:47:00.000-05:00

"THE LOT IS CAST INTO THE LAP, BUT IT'S EVERY DECISION IS FROM THE LORD". PROVERBS 16:33.........This is one of my many favorite verses from the Old Testament.

In a commentary I read, "the lot was almost always used in a ceremonial setting and was the common method for determining God's will". Casting lots is refered to in the book of Leviticus...determining which goat to offer up as a sacrifice to God on the Day of Atonement. In the book of Numbers... lots were cast to decide which land was to be given to the men of Israel (601,730) after the plague....it was told to Moses by the Lord. Then, again in the book of Joshua...there was land to be divided and a group of men were instructed by Joshua to go out and survey the land and make a map. Upon their return Joshua said he would then cast lots for them in Shiloh in the presence of the Lord, and the land would be distributed to the Israelites according to their tribal divisions. One isn't sure how these lots were cast, whether it was dice that was rolled or two ums used...one containing the tribal name , the other the division of the land. But, whichever way, the choice was taken out of human hands and into the hands of the Almighty, allowing God to match land and tribes the way he saw fit.

In the book of Jonah we have the perfect example of "a lot being cast but it's every decision being of the Lord". Jonah had been told by the Lord to go to Nineveh and preach against their sinfulness. Instead he bolts and runs onto a ship bound for a port elsewhere. The crew was one that was superstition and believed in false gods. The Almighty caused a huge storm out in the ocean and after the crew prayed to their gods with no change in their circumstances they told Jonah to pray to his god. They, then cast lots to find out who was guilty for their circumstances. Their system worked but only because God intervened (every decision), to let Jonah know that he couldn't run away. "The lot was cast but it's every decision is from the Lord".

In John 19:24, lots were cast for the seamless garment of Christ during his crucifixion. This is recorded in John, the book of Matthew and also in the book of Psalm 19:22. Again, the lot was cast, but it's every decision is from the Lord. You see, the casting of lots for the seamless garment fulfilled the prophecy of Psalm 22:18.

Lots in life are going to be cast into our lap...from little to big. Some of the lots seem small, while some seem to overflow in the laps of others. But, it is not bad luck for one person and not so bad luck for another. It is another verse that God uses to show us how very much he is in control....how we are to call him the Almighty..how nothing gets by Him! And the words "but it's every decision is from the Lord" comforts me and helps build my faith. No, I am not lucky or unlucky....I know, in an intimate way, an Almighty God that knows all and sees all and no matter what lot is cast to me it's every decision is from the Lord. Praise to you, my Almighty Father!!

Should we or shouldn't we?

2006-02-06T14:33:00.000-05:00

I wrote this post the other day and somehow I lost it...the Holy Spirit has been tugging at me ever since to write it again so here I go. I hope it will not bring any condemnation but bring for you a closer walk with the Lord as you continue to discern how He wants us to be in the world but not of the world.

There is a controversy over the movie, "The End of the Spear" which was released on January 20th of this year. This movie tells the story of five missionaries who went to Ecuador in 1956 to bring the gospel of Christ to the Waodani tribe and lost their lives. Their work continued through their wives, who were successful in bringing most of the tribesmen to Christ, ending decades of killings. This mission is also being continue in another generation as Mr. Saint's son is still ministering to the Waodanis. The story of their lives and their determination to this mission is a wonderful, uplifting, encouraging testimony to man's faithfulness to God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

The movie was produced by a christian company, "Every Tribe Entertainment", and the actor who plays Steve Saint and his son Nate Saint is "Chad Allen", well-known to most for his roles on "Dr. Quinn; Medicine Woman", "St. Elsewhere", and "Our House". This is where the controversary unfolds. You see, Chad Allen Lazzari is well-known for his very public gay activism. He has graced the cover of the leading homosexual magazine "The Advocate" three times and was the actor who staged in Terence McNally's play, Corpus Christi, which brought alot of attention to christians, because of it's portrayal of Christ as a homosexual involved in a homoerotic dynamic with his disciples. He speaks openly not only of his gay activism but the intensity of his mission to normalize homosexuality-clearly documented on his web site. He also speaks candidly about his syncretisitic faith...a mixture of Buddism, Christianity and Native American spirituality. On the Larry King Live show he talked of his religion and I quote.."I have a deep relationship with God of my understanding. It's very powerful, and it's taken its own shape and form. And I am very much at peace in the knowledge that in my heart God create this beautiful expression of my love." Boy, does that raise a million red flags!

But, there have been films that have been loved by christians before that have had gay actors in the leading roles. The role of Gandalf in "The Lord of the Rings" was played by Sir Ian McKellen, who has also been known as a gay activist. And how about in "Chariots of Fire"...the lead role of Eric Liddell, played by Ian Charleston, or the role in that same film played by one of the greatest Shakespearean actors of this last century, Sir John Gielgud, both gay men.

So, where does that leave us...I have several thoughts. First, we ALL are sinners so because of that fact every artistic endeavor is going to marred in some way by sin in both its conception and demonstration. Does this mean that we can never enjoy movies, books, art, music,ect..? No, but we must work hard to develop a mind that brings all things under subjection to Christ, which also includes our entertainment preferences. We should not recklessly praise or condemn anyone or anything without any obvious tie to biblical truth. We must always avoid hypocristy. Also, we must learn cultural discernment. We have to live in this world but we should guard against being of this world. In my opinion we as christians have an obligation to investigate as best we can the entertainment we choose, much like we do for our children. Most of us parents are quick to go to a sight such as "Screen it" or many others to find out what the language, sexuality, or harmful material might be in a movie. When we are privy to information such as the beliefs of Chad Allen, should we not be just as ready to investigate, then armed with the facts pray and make a decision about whether we should be spending our money, which is a gift from God, to further him fiancially or in his career?

The job of an actor is to make the audience see the character he is portraying in the performance, not the actor himself. I feel like others, including Albert Mohler, the president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, that "Every Tribe Entertainment", made a very serious mistake...they picked the actor,that probably is the least likely, surrounded by so much activism and controversary, that can make us forget him and help us to see Nate Saint. Of all the actors out there why would they make such a choice? I find it mind boggling. The controversary is over the actor they chose, not the story, and that could and should have been avoided.

And let me throw one last morsel for thought in here. How do we as christians get this movie going and supporting thing under control? Why do we bend and grapple and put aside what our normal convictions are because a movie is about a christian theme or made by a christian producer or production company no matter what we find out or how the Holy Spirit is directing us? Is this our only chance or way to witness to unbelievers? I know of churches that have brought out movie theatres for past movies and made the tickets available to their congregations....how about instead of doing that, spending the money on the quite famous two books that Elisabeth Elliot (wife of one of the missionaries) wrote. In the book "Shadow of the Almighty" and "Through the Gates of Splendor" she recounts their story. Instead of buying fifty, seventy-five or one hundred seats to the movie, why not buy that many books and organize a book giving of some sort to get the books in the hands of those that don't know Christ?! After all the books were written by someone directly involved, the wife of one of the martyed missionaries.

Please pray about this, share it with others, and let the Holy Spirit guide you as we should in anything that we do. If you decide to go see the movie let it be because the Holy Spirit has directed you, we know that the Holy Spirit can work anywhere anytime through anything. But, don't go blindly, which is also a word for the future. This is entertainment, it is not a matter of life, death, or liberty. We should make our choice carefully and try our best to pick best over good or better. Personally, I can't see where any of us would be harmed if we never saw another movie in our lifetime, but then again movies are not all bad and evil....we just need to discern what we spend our money on, what we support, and what we put into our minds...all of these things...and we can, if we stay informed and let the Holy Spirit guide us.

Faith

2006-01-31T14:09:00.000-05:00

Let me give you the definition of "faith"..."Strong belief; trust; confidence. " All of us who have ever entered a church have heard one sermon or another about just have "faith"...if we just hold onto our "faith"....it (whatever) will come about if our "faith" is strong enough. It is not only in church...I know you have been told this if you have shared any kind of adversity with most any christian. Have you ever been out of a job..."give it to the Lord, have faith, He will bring you a job". What about if you or someone close to you has been ill..."claim it, have faith and God will heal him/her". Maybe you are single and desire a mate.."tell him you want and mate, stand on faith and He will bring you one".

If this has never happened to you then maybe this post is not for you but it is something that has laid on my heart a long time...it has happened to me and plenty, and I think God has given me some direction to share. I believe in the above statements but the problem I have and see is that there is one detail left out.

I think we have been innocently led to believe in the happening of things, of our prayers being answered, instead of in the power of God to have his will come about. Let's take any of the fore mentioned trial and adversities for example. Does having "faith" mean that we ask the Lord to bring another job, healing, a mate for life, ect.. and then expect that He will. Not entirely...as a christian, we are suppose to believe in the power of God to do anything, we can bring that petition to Him, but there is more. This is were the "faith" comes in....we are suppose to pray like the example in John 26:39, "Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.'

Jesus has given us the perfect example of the way our "faith" should have us believe. We are not "strong in our faith" if we offer our petitions and then expect that what we have asked for is going to be given. The real test of faith is being able to, yes, have a strong belief that all is possible through Christ. But we have to also believe with all our hearts, minds and souls that His plan for us, His knowledge of what is best for us, His perfect will is the most important aspect of us being His creation, of us belonging to Him, and of us trusting that our vision is so finite we have to rest completely in His will. Every thing we are, every minute of our lives, every person we meet, every job we have, everything in this life plays into the perfect plan of God. Our lives play either directly, or indirectly depending on how we respond to God as our maker, but it is not ours...this life is not about what we want or think we need...it is about fullfilling God's perfect plan. And God is the only one who really knows what that plan is, which way the path goes, and He is the only one who really, fully understands it all. Each new day is a gift to us...a new day for us because of His will, another day for us to attempt to walk in His plan, to play out a part of His will for us.

Another point is, that if we do not understand that we can and are suppose to bring our petitions to the feet of our Lord, but don't understand that we should want and continue to rest in His will that we are setting ourselves up as a playground for Satan. If we believe in asking and receiving based on "how much faith we have" in the requesting part, bringing and asking for our request, then what happens when what we ask for doesn't coinicide with God's will and that request is delayed or even denied. I know of people that this has happened to. They have questioned their worthiness to God, they have condemned themselves for not being "soldiers of faith", and in some instances have turned away from God altogether. Again, it is right and just to bring our petitions, our requests, our wants, our desires to him....God's word instructs us to do this, but with those last words of John 26:39..."...Yet not as I will, but as you will."

Then what about the scriptures that speak to us about feverent prayers, commited prayers, ect..Well, I think that we do not fully understand God's will, but I know that God does bestowe mercy and blessings on us. I know that as we mature, as more of us is poured out to Him, as we release ourselves for Him and to Him that those actions are blessed by Him. I believe that "his will" is not alway the simple answer of our prayers being answered or not answered but more the hearts, commitment and depth of the relationship with God behind the request, petition or desire. After all He is God and anything is possible for his mighty hands....as our loving Father, though, the answer will play a part in his plan, whether a natural part of His perfect will, because of mercy on his part or because His desire is to bestowe upon us a blessing. I do know that why, for me, right now is not important. For me, I am working on my "faith" being strong and righteous, on being able to ask ALL things in His name, to fall on my face and make my wants, desires, wishes be known but to never forget to loudly profess "Yet not as I will, but as you will"! Please, O loving Father, help me to be a woman of faith, for I want "your will to be done".

"This, then, is how you should pray: "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thine will be done on earth as it is in heaven...."
Matthew 6:9a

Being in our lane

2006-01-26T17:51:00.000-05:00

The Lord has been speaking to me about something I think He has been bringing to my attention. I pray that the words will come and that it will make some sense to ya'll.

It has come to my attention that there are alot of christians out there that are very burdened. Hang in here with me....just because we are christians we are still going to have burdens...lows, problems, discomfort, disappointments, etc. But what my heart has been sensitive to is alot of people think that there is some kind of finish line that they are suppose to have crossed because they have made that step to bring Christ into their hearts. Becoming a christian, being one for one year, ten years or fifty years means we are still on the journey...the finish line is not in this world, it is after we are gone from here and meet our Father in heaven. This world is the running of the event and not until we reach the arms of our beloved are we done.

Let me explain a little further....I keep hearing people comparing themselves to others and not just acting but talking and apologizing for where they are in their christian walk. I have overheard many conversations lately where the words spoken were "You are such a good christian....wow, i'm still struggling with everything...I don't have a very good prayer time, I don't know how to listen for the Lord, I don't know many scriptures by heart, my faith is not as strong as yours, and everybody's gotten it except me!" Is this Satan attacking these christians to keep them from feeling and embracing God's love for them...is it our clergy's teaching from the pulpit that somehow they are giving the message that there is a finish line here on earth and some of us have crosssed over it.....is it that there are so many christians that can't feel God's love for them that they are constantly condeming themselves...or is it a lack of really understanding what "being a christian" means?

Being a christian means that you believe in Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour, that you understand that Jesus died for our sin (past, present, future) and that you know that through faith you will have eternal life because of the sacrifice and resurrection of Christ. Does this say anything about being in a certain place in your life at a certain time? Does it say that knowing God as your Father, Christ as your Saviour and the Holy Spirit as your guide mean that we are all the same, like some christian Stepford Wives? No, being a christian means that we believe in the sacrifice, resurrection and gift of the Holy Trinity but here on earth, each and everyone of us has a different lane to run our race in. God gives us that lane, expects us to run the race with everything we have, but He is the coach and his methods are different for each one of us. Imagine it in these terms....you can't take the bobsled team from the Virigin Islands and expect their coaching and training to be the same as the bobsled team from the Swiss Alps. Because of where they are from, the age of the teammates, the phyical qualities of each and the expertise of the coach the workout will be somewhat different. One team is starting from scratch...they do not have cold temperatures little less ice and snow...the other team, their enviroment is cold and snow, is probably very well versed in snow sports which gives the coaches a different starting point and a different workout plan (watch the movie, it is great).

It is the same with us as people...everyone, even people within the same family, start out their marathon to heaven in different places. Our backgrounds, our upbringing, our bumps and bruises along the way, our life experiences they all play into how we run the race and where we are at any given moment in our lanes. The diffence in this race is that we are all equal in worthiness to our coach. We all have been invited to run the race and we all have the same coach, and that coach knows us deeply and intimately. He puts us in our lanes, decides on the workouts, and begins the drills. We do have a responsibility....we are to take up the invitation to the event, get in our lane, give the race our best, listen and follow what our coach asks of us.

So, to all of you out there who think that you are somehow behind the pack and that that means you can't finish the race, or that some have a better coach or workout than you, or that your best is somehow not good enough even though you are in your lane following and participating in your workouts and coaches instructions......run to the arms of our coach for a pep talk. You are where you are suppose to be, working with all your hearts, and you have the best coach in the universe and beyond working with you.

MY TOP 5 PET PEEVES

2006-01-24T11:19:00.000-05:00

My friend Bomba tagged me so here goes...

1)Mothers who are in a public place and hollering at their children to "stop crying". If they don't stop crying what are the mothers going to do. Spank them so there is more crying? Continue to talk loud and threaten them some more so everyone knows who is in control?

2)People who see someone they know and then later they make the statement "You know _______________(the person they saw earlier) never spoke!" Well, you apparently didn't speak either. Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? Who are you.. the Queen of Sheba? Why couldn't you be the one to wander over and make a friendly choice?

3)Speeding....to me it is one of the easiest rules to follow. Just get up in enough time to get where you are going on time. If you are running late, so keep to the speed limit and take the consequences of being late. After a few consequences you will start giving yourself plenty of time. And by the way, I have been driving since I was 15 and have never had an accident or ticket (especially for speeding).

4)This one is another traffic issue (do i need therapy?). It drives me crazy to be behind any vehicle, but mostly trucks, that are carrying something that hangs out the back and it doesn't have a red flag tied to it. How difficult is it to wrap something red around the end of a board that's hanging 10 feet out of the back of your truck. Don't you know that law is for the safety of the other drivers out there. All you contractors, if you will e-mail me, I will send you a torn strip of red fabric to tie on whatever item you will be hanging out of the back of your truck (hahaha, just kidding!)

5)Okay, here is the last one....It really bothers me to go out to dinner and sit next to a group where everyone is drinking fishbowl margaritas or huge pitchers of beer. Who in the heck is driving home? And they always have children with them and they sit the children at a separate table to annoy, misbehave, and ruin a nice evening for anyone sitting around them. So, you have a table full of loud, drinkers who have drunk enough to be over the legal limit and are going to drive home to put other innocent lives in jeopardy, and a table full of uncontrolled, unmonitored children who are ruining everyone else's evening out when they should be at home with a baby sitter watching cartoons. Sorry, this might have been two!

There it is...I tag Mercy Drops and Joy is Strength and anyone else that would like to weigh in.

Up, up and away

2006-01-23T15:45:00.000-05:00

How many of you can relate to the image of a Father raising his son or daughter up on his shoulders to see over a crowd. I don't remember an exact event that this happened to me but i'm sure that is has. Watching the Thanksgiving Macy's Day parade for years, it is an image I have seen many times, a small child on the shoulders of his father, watching over the crowds in front of him, grinning from ear to ear as the festivities roll down the street.

This image came to mind this morning as I was searching scripture. My sister had asked me to make some placecards for a tea her church is having (making handmade cards is one of my hobbies). On the back of all the cards I make I print a scripture...and I came across the following:
I shall lift up the cup of salvation and call on the Lord by name.
Psalm 116:13
It seemed to be very appropriate to put on the back of my teapots.. it is simple and short and yet it has great depth.

What really stuck out to me was the part "lift up". I started thinking about how many times I have crossed those words in scripture. I looked it up in my concordance and found that there are at least 500 scriptures that deal with "lift up, lifting, lifted"...all meaning pretty much the same thing... to cause to enter upward, to bear, to carry, to draw up.

And the scriptures tell us what we are to "lift up" or enter upward... our eyes,our hands, our voices, our heads, our hearts, our minds, our spirits. He commands us to "lift up" to Him our cares and concerns, our love, our devotion, our thanksgiving. And God did alot up "lifting up"..he lifted up winds, waves, rain, cedar trees, living creature, rod and staffs, spears, the ark and nations, angels and the dead.

Do you notice a pattern here? Everything...everything that has been touched by His mighty hand, all of creation, everything we are, possess and desire is to be "lifted up", given back to our Father in heaven. And because he is our loving Father, the same as that father who lifted up his child to see over the crowd, he will "lifted up" our burdens, cares, desires, hopes....He will carry them, He will bear them. As He 'lifts up" our concerns and desires, He "lifts up" us...He draws up near to Him, protecting us, comforting us, teaching us and leading us.

And one last thing that is the most important...the next time you read the words "lift up" let your mind picture a father lifting up his son....the most important Father, the Father Almighty, lifting his son, Jesus Christ, up to and upon the cross. Do not stop the imagery there, envision the son, Christ, lifting up his arms, overflowing with the sins of all.... past, present and future...lifting them up to heaven for gving us the gift of salvation, mercy, and peace.

Jesus said,"This voice was for our benefit, not mine. Now is the time for judgment on this world, now the prince of this world will be driven out. But I, when lifted up from earth, will draw all men to myself."
John 12:30-32

Tree loaded with fruit

2006-01-21T14:15:00.000-05:00

My sister was taking a bible study and they were studying the "fruit of the holy spirit". What they were studying can be found in Galatians 5:16-26. We had a discussion, a lengthy one at that, on whether or not the gifts of kindness and goodness go together. Her leader was discussing that to have one you had to have the other. My first thought was that I have known people who, to me, had been kind but were not what we would call "good". We both had also known what we would refer to as "good" people who did not seem to be very kind.

After some reading and praying the best opinion I can come up with is that they do not necessarily go hand in hand. Each one is a separate gift, thought they do seem to entwine, all coming from being children of Christ and through the work of the Holy Spirit. We can have one of these gifts alive and bearing pretty good fruit but may be having dificultity producing fruit from another of the gifts. The will of the Holy Spirit is for these gifts to be manifested and through our invitation to a life with Christ, we have been set free from sin's power. This does not mean that we won't sin anymore but that we have the power in Christ Jesus to fight that sin. But for any of these spiritual fruits to be active in our lives we must daily commit ourselves to laying aside any sin that is the opposite of the gifts of the Spirit. We must daily comit ourselves to the leading of the Spirit and the growth, blossoming and maturing of these fruits.

I would love to hear some other thoughts on this as it is a very thought provoking subject and I wish to have alot more fruit of the Spirit on the tree of my life. Give some feedback on what these scriptures mean to you....and let us pray for each other that the Holy Spirit will be working to produce a tree that is hanging over with fruit, fruit that lasts into eternity.

Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5:25

Deep roots

2006-01-18T21:25:00.000-05:00

I love gardenia bushes. In our yard area we have planted lots of them. Several times last year we have had to dig up one or two that looked sickly and move them. It wasn't a hard job....the plants were small and the root system not very deep or strong.

Last Wednesday when talking about the Georgia Bulldawgs (there Ton-Ton, that is for you) I made reference to the fans deep rooted love for their team. If the life source of a plant or tree is it's roots, our phsyical life source is our hearts. God's words commands us to love Him with ALL our heart. The way to grow strong, deep roots in plants, as we all know, is to provide the plant with good soil, water, fertilizer, sunshine and tender loving care. The way to grow deep roots in our spiritual life.. to love Christ totally, wholeheartedly, and completely... is to read our bibles faithfully, to go to church to be taught and instructed, to fellowship with other christians to support and build each other up and to have time alone with Christ to pray and listen for his voice.

There are so many things in this life that can be considered "good things"...bible studies, church activities, fun weekends with friends, organized sports, internet(!), music, television... and the list goes on. I read an article once about a man who had a God given ability in the music field. He practiced every day without fault for a minimum of 5 hours. When he wasn't practicing he was in some of the most famous concert halls playing flawlessly. There was only one problem...he was so busy with a "good thing" here on earth that ETERNITY was completely overlooked. He was not a christian. He had never had time for Christ, to honor the one who gave him the gift of music, to build deep roots in his heart with his Saviour for his life in the after.

Even as christians we forget to aggressively nuture our roots. Oh, yes, we pray, read scripture, attend church. But, if you are a gardner you know that a little sunshine, a few sprinkles of rain, and a handful of time release pebbles is not enough. We cannot be satisfied with "good" in our lives. We need to look at our relationship with the Lord past and present, and push past "good". We need to look at our home life, our work life, our life styles and demand not just "good"...not even "better"...we need to accept nothing but "BEST" from ourselves. We are talking about deep roots with our Lord that wll sustain us in times of trouble..in sad times..hard times..times of uncertainty. In the spring, as I stroll through the garden department looking for my time release pebbles I have been known to pass by the Wal-Mart brand...I want the best for my favorite bushes..my gardenias. I head straight to the Miracle Grow...only the best for my plants. I want that for my Lord and Saviour also...not "good"...not "better" but the "best" for the roots that I am growing in Christ Jesus. I want my heart, I want my all, to be strong and healthy...
I want to be deep rooted in Christ Jesus.

Blessed is the man who trustsin the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree plalnted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. I thas no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. Jeremiah 17:7-8

Outside appearances

2006-01-11T09:15:00.000-05:00

Around here the color red and the breed of dogs called bulldogs are very popular. We live about 1.5 hours from the University of Georgia whose colors are red and black and mascot is an English Bulldog. Pretty much year round you can find red shirts sporting a bulldog picture but during the fall ALL you see is red and bulldog everything. Red flags with bulldogs, red slippers with bulldogs, red shirts with bulldogs....from toilet covers (yes, I did say that) to door mats. The bulldog fans are RED hot. And it is not only about the merchandise. The fans talk about the games all week long. The newspapers are filled with articles on the bulldogs. And don't try to plan anything with a loyal bulldgog fan on a game weekend unless it is going to the game because they won't even think of doing or being anywhere except at the game or watching it in from in front of the television. All this loyality, enthusiasum, and team spirit is displayed for all to see. The hats, the shirts, the jewerly, the flags waving from front porches....all points to a deep-rooted love for their beloved bulldogs.

As christians how much of a RED hot fan of Christ are we? Well, I am sure that the answer is very hot but does the outward actions and outside appearance show to others that you feel the same team spirit as the Georgia Bulldog fans? Do we wear the clothes of joy like the bulldog fans wear their red shirts (smiling while we wait forever in the check-out line)?! Do we offer to others Christ's patience and kindness the same way Georgia fans are quick to give the scores of their last win (assuring the waitress that took forever to bring you more tea that you understand how busy she is)?! Are we as quick to offer forgiveness for a mistake as quickly as our fans forgive the one time the team losses?!

Let me tell you about a very small incident that happened over the Christmas holidays. The Thursday before Christmas I was in Macy's. They had just been putting up signs all over the place.."take an additional 50% off". People were all over these racks and since I was by myself I was not distracted and could hear alot of the conversations going on around me. There was talk that the price scanners were not working right...that the clerks were over charging for the items...that the store should be made to give them these items at the cost they thought they should be receiving. The masses were not very happy (joy)..the talk was certainly not very kind..and certainly not very forgiving to the poor clerks who just wanted the christmas shopping to be over.

I picked up a couple of items, took them to the register, and waited patiently for the clerk to get to me. She was a small woman, very pleasant looking and seemed to be in her early thirties. As I approached the counter I quietly told her that by the racks around the corner there seemed to be alot of confusion. I told her that I was not in a hurry and all I wanted was for her to scan my items and tell me if they were indeed the fantastic price I thought they were. I also told her that she would have no argument from me whatever the prices were. She looked up at me, gave me a faint smile and her eyes whelled up with tears. She said that people had been so impatient, grumpy, and nasty to her that she was physically sick to her stomach. She felt like she was going to throw up at any minute...couldn't stand the pressure...didn't understand why people were so nasty with her. I made a feeble attempt at defending those stressed out, impatient, rude women but more focused on letting her know that she could look busy with me and take as long as she liked. I was not in a hurry. By this time the tears were streaming down her face. I know this sounds stupid but I reached in my purse and dug out a special chocolate candy that I had hidden away (never know when a girl is going to need a piece of chocolate). I offered her the chocolate the whole time explaining how my big sister buys them for us in California and sends them to us for every occasion...how everytime I look in my purse and see one of the candies I think of big sis and it makes me feel close to her (all this talk just to lighten the mood). She unwrapped her candy, popped it into her mouth, smiled and said it was the best candy she had ever had. She also told me she felt honored that she was able to partake of one of the special chocolates. The tears went away and a smile came upon her face. She scanned my clothes and yes, I had some great buys. I purchased the items..the whole time this transformed woman remarking to me how she had never been treated so kindly. She finally asked me how is was that I was so patient and cheerful. This was a good time to share with her that I had a God I loved very, very much and it was through his grace that at this hectic time of year I could be patient, kind, joyful. She said she believed in God and would try to rely on him and call on him more often. As I took my bag, I told her that I would pray for her that day and she promised she would try that herself.

And that what I want for my life. I want what others see in me to stir up awe and wonder..I want my strength on the outside to be explained by what goes on in private, on the inside between God and me. I want people to know I am red hot for Christ. I don't want to miss a chances to spread his love to others. I want the people around me to know that no matter how hard the game, no matter how good the opponent that the winning score will alway be for Jesus. I want my shirt to be the colors of redemption and grace...my flag to fly high with forgiveness...my mascot to be love and kindness.

This is what Hezekiah did throughtout Judah, doing what was good and right and faithful before the Lord his God. In everything that he undertook in the service of God's temple and in the obedience to the law and the commands, he sought his God and worked wholeheartedly. And he prospered. 1 Chronicles 31:20-21

A Special Gift

2006-01-08T20:34:00.000-05:00

This year has been a year full of changes for me in many, many areas of my life. Most of the changes have been in areas that haven't seen a lot of change in, at the minimum, a decade or more. One of those changes happened in our church. Our pastor, who had been with us for fourteen years, was sent this year to a church in a small southern town about 1.5 hours away. Don't think for a minute I was better than Job...That I was above raising my hands up to the heavens and crying out to know why this too! Oh, no, not this southern belle. We loved this pastor...we were comfortable with him....we liked the way he led the flock...and we had a history with him. This was the shepherd that buried both my in-laws. This was the pastor that gave both my children their first Holy Communion, that gave them their first priestly confessions, that presided over their Holy Confirmation as young adults. He was our pastor, minister, priest, friend and spiritual Father through many important events and years of our lives. But, by now the realization that change does eventually come has become a reality.....yet, I still find myself battling to accept ALLL these changes. And where does that leave us with our new pastor?! Just keep reading....

Our new pastor is Father Tim Donahue ( thank you Lord that he doesn't resemble Phil Donahue). I have enjoy, even been inspired by his teachings, but yet find myself being a little too critical...watching every move he makes a little too closely...fighting the negative thoughts of already knowing that he can't hold a candle to our previous pastor (who has a reputation for being the cream of the crop). All this going on and Christmas Eve Midnight mass approaching quickly. Midnight Mass, for us, is and has been for years a true spiritual highlight of the year. This special mass, in our very old and historic church always moves me and bring forth lots of emotion. Well, I just knew this year was going to be very different ( and I don't mean to lead you into positive thoughts, mine weren't). Battling a very heavy war with negativity we donned our smiley faces, dressed to the nines (very formal), prayed and head for church. We arrived early to get our usual pew (4 rows from the front, to the right of center isle, on the priests side). Actually, every year the schedule is the same....be at the church by 10:15-10:30..pray until the Festival of Carols at 11:15 (or I least I prayed..seemed my family was a little restless)...then mass starts promptly at midnight and runs to around 2:00 a.m....then we have a 40-45 minute drive home.

I had a lot of time to pray and ask God for something special, pouring out all my cares and concerns (oh, gosh tears and my make-up has to last hours still), just wanting something to lift our spirits. I noticed that there was a new entry in the bulletin...near the end of the mass it read "Pastor's Gift". I shared it with my family and everyone weighted in on what that could possibly mean. Everyone knows priests don't have any money so how could he give us a gift? Maybe we didn't understand the way it was written and he was going to thank us, the congregation, for the gifts we gave him....okay, that had to be it.

Let me cut right to it....we didn't make one right guess. Oh, and by the way, Mass was beautiful and moving and God's presence was real and evident and deep ...it really was wonderful but God had one more blessing in store for us. My friend, Jan, wrote about rest over the weekend and I agree 100% with her. During Christmas (and a lot during the rest of the year) we have trouble finding time to rest....which in turn makes PEACE almost impossible. Yes, most of us are pretty unpeaceful during the holiday season...too busy, plaqued by money worries, stressed out about all the details and responsiblity of the season. And that night at church I was no different...trying to pray but my mind wandering down the list of presents still needing to have tags put on them...trying to focus on the Lord and instead finding my mind calculating how many hours the spiral ham and turkey needed to be cooked....wanting to feel my Saviour's presence but instead feeling panic because I remembered that I had neglected to pick up that last gift for a special friend. I pushed on doing my best to lay down in my spirit and feel peaceful as I prayed, then as we listened to and participated in the carols and then during the mass.

Finally, we were to the point in the bulletin where we had seen "Pastor's Gift"....up to the microphone came Fr. Donahue. He explained to us that he loved us all very much and had wanted to give each of us a christmas gift. Being a biggggg church and him being a man of little means it seemed impossible. So he had really prayed hard...he wanted to give us something. He told us that God had spoken to him and told him that he was able to give us a gift.....God told him to reach out and give us, in the name of Jesus, the gift of PEACE. Fr. Donahue stood humbly before us, sang in acappella a beautiful song to us. Then, after humbling himself before us in song, prayed for the peace of God to engulf us and be poured out over us. Quietly, as the lights in the church were distinguish, Fr. Donahue, by candlelight, made his way to his seat and we all sat in silence for several minutes to accept the gift of peace that was, at that moment, being poured out over us. You could physically feel the power of God's peace being poured out upon you. It was just as if Christ himself had a pitcher filled with peace and was pouring it out upon our heads. You could feel the peace running over our entire body and as it did every part of me started to relax...yielding itself in an incredible way. All the worries, all the combativeness, all the stress, all the negativity, all the discord disappeared. It was all replace with feelings of peace, calmness, tranquility, and serenity. What an beautiful act of giving...what an awesome gift!!! What a pastor!!! And what an incredible, loving, caring, giving Father in heaven...to one who needed it...a faithful caring servant and an all-knowing, deep-caring Saviour. Another Christmas miracle..? You bet!!!

The peace of God, which transscends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillippians 4:7

He was pierced for our trangessions, he was crushed for our inqui ties; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we were healed. Isaiah 53:5

Eyes to see hope..

2006-01-06T22:20:00.000-05:00

Going back over Christmas I realize what a visual event Christmas is to me. At the onset of November, when the days are short and darkness engulfs us in the early evening, the desire to put up our Christmas tree starts to play in my mind. I spend most of the first weeks of November visualizing the tree that will sit in my living room, covered in tiny white lights that twinkle as their light bounces off the treeand illuminates the room. Only because peer pressure makes me, I hold out for the weekend of Thanksgiving to put out of my mind and into my living room the tree of lights that has been twinkling in my mind for weeks. And as my eyes gaze upon the lit tree, it is always as magnificent as it was in my mind.

The lights are not only beautiful to my eyes, as I gaze upon them, but they take hold of my thoughts and attention. I spend the evenings with only the light from the fire burning in the fireplace and the twinkling of the lights on the tree. It reminds me of the abundant blessings God has bestowed on me and my family. The lights also remind me of his power and majesty. The twinkling brings the outside in and resembles the night sky. What a creator, who can make a whole universe and still care about one little person...me. One can not help but reflect on what it must of been like that one night out of all nights when a king was born to us...for us...for me. A gift that would ultimately be our salvation...would end up the redemption for my sin! As my eyes fix themselves on many nights of twinkling lights I feel a stirring in my soul. The Lord speaks to me thru what my eyes see in the twinkling of miniture lights upon a Christmas tree....shinning words of hope...illuminating the truth of his promises.

I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. Ephesians 1:18-19

To all of you, may you reap in this new year all the peace amd blessings that our Father so eagerly awaits to bestow on us, his humble children.
Happy New Year!!!

Another side

2005-11-17T13:07:00.000-05:00

I want to respond to the post my good friend Jan wrote yesterday, November 16, 2005. If you haven't already read it please do so. Thje topic she posted on is about "speaking", the connection between sin and the spoken word. Our good friend Bomba in a post he wrote entitled "Personalities" brougth up this subject and in the comments we had lots to say (check it out). Again, I have lots to say..no surprise there. This is something close to my heart and as it seems close to the hearts of many other christians!

In Jan's post, I recognized a woman who has such a deep love for her Father that she looks deep within herself, yearning to be the best child she can be to her heavenly Father. She might not know the chapter and verse but she understands that God calls us to examine ourselves...2 Corinthians 13:5 "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith, test yourselves." This to me is a pretty positive sign that she IS growing deeper and deeper in her love and faith with her Saviour and in that growth God can use her words in a multitude of ways. After all we are" to go out into the world and preach the word of God".

She is a woman who has shared with us through her words that she is a sinner, as we all are. But her words to us are that we have to continually go to the cross....we cannot be content with enjoying our sinfulness even for an instant. She lists the obvious speaking offences but goes much deeper...she, and I will use her words, lets the Holy Spirit "plumb the depths of that sinfulness" so that she can beg forgiveness and be ministered to. She speaks the words of Psalm 119:36-37 by her example..."Turn my heart toward your stautes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word."

Her words have taught and instructed....which she has beeen called to do by the words of her Creator and Saviour. "True instruction was in his mouth and nothing false was found on his lips. He walked with ME in peasce and uprightness, and turned many from sin." (Malachi 2:6) Also, let us not forget the bold instruction given to Jeremiah which is an example to us.."I do not know how to speak; I am only a child (this is Jeremiah)." But the Lord said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord. Then the Lord reach out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me,"Now, I have put my words in your mouth..." (Jeremiah 1 :6-10). I can affirm that in the short time I have known her that her words have turned me from sin...her words bringing God's light to me, helping me care more for others, striving to be less judgemental, bringing me time and time again to the feet of the cross humble asking forgiveness for my short comings.

From her mouth have come to me words of compassion...with Jan I have shared fears and sadness, suffering and hurt. The Lord has spoken to me through her which would not be possible if she did not know HIS words and did not know HIM in such a personal way. She had been the tangible reminder of the words in Isaiah 54:10.."Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be remove." says the Lord, who has compassion on you. She has been faithful to respond in her words to remind me of God's immense love for me, how much he cares for me and to remind me of his constant protection. She has shown great compassion, through her posts and comments, to feel the pain , distress, sadness and confusion of others. And in that she is serving her Master, following in the example of the one who has the ultimate corner on compassion.

Jan has been, with God's help, able to do all this with words that "bubble" out with joy and enthusiasm. There is no way, if you read her posts, that you could miss the joy and enthusiasm she feels for her King of Kings. Her words express Psalm 89:1-2.."I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself." More times than I can count I have been a little down and either by her posts or by the words left on my comments (or ones that we both read) I have been lifted up. God has used her words to bring me back into the joyful arms of my Saviour.

Is Jan human? Does Jan fail? Does Jan feel doubts and insecurities? Yes, I am sure she does....she is a part of the human race battling sin each and every day. Jan asked in yesterday's blog if in speaking could she be sinning? I am sure that she has made a mistake or two in that area but what I see in her words are something I can not do without! I see a strong, compassionate, caring, loving, God lead woman who is fulfilling a job that Christ has lead her to. He has given her the skill of communication, the heart for others. There is something else very special and possible unknown even to her... we are observing through her thoughts and words the process of the dying of oneself and in turn a deep, deep relationship with God. I find that an awesome priviledge.

And one last testimony. When I started blogging in July of this year I had very little contact with other christians which was somewhat sudden. I had homeschooled my children and live out in the country. This same time last year they graduated from high school and started into college which made my home very, very quiet. Neighbors are very scarce and to go to town you have to drive. Everyday up until the children graduated was kind of like bible school...reading the bible with them...writing their English papers about christian issues...all our subjects were always faith based. Around here I was always fortunate to have at least two other people to share the Lord with on a hourly basis if I wanted! Then college came (they still live at home but are gone all day) and it was just me here day after day. And on top of that, we had car issues and my vehicle went to them. So, I was not able to join a bible study group or get together for lunch on a regular basis with my other good christian friends. I did have my two sisters who talk on the phone with me alot and my best friend Betty who most of you know. She commits Thursday to come out here and spends it with me. Before you feel tooo sorry for me I was doing okay and then God brought blogging to me. I thought the purpose was for me to share with other homeschool moms what I was going through.....I am not so sure of that now and haven't been sure for sometime. It has for me been kind of a blogging bible study and instead of bringing to me women who are struggling through what I was he brought me a circle of diverse new friends! A wonderful group of dedicated christian brothers and sisters who have encouraged me, prayed for me, shared joyfulness with me, spurned me on to examine my walk with Christ, and loved me boundlessly. I have grown in Christ, my prayer time has been on fire, my knowledge of scripture has exploded and all this fruit from the written word. And what is equally amazing is Jan is in British Columbia, Canada and I am in Dearing, Georgia! Another of my dear christian friends who has answered the call is Bomba...in his twenties, interested in music, unmarried and in Alabama. Go figure!!!I don't think he was pulled in by my thoughts and feelings of being in your forties, married for 28 years and having young adult children!!!! I'm telling ya'll, you and your words are of our God's perfect plan and I am here to testify to that!

So Jan, that is another side of the words you speak...should you be silent today? If the Holy Spirit is leading you to that heck yes! But, as for me you are doing a mighty work for our Lord and Saviour and I need you to pass on to me the thoughts He lays on your heart. Also, be on guard that Satan is not trying to steer you off the path of writing...there is so much fruit being bore I can see the devil wanting to put a stop to that. If God uses the fruit that has come from my life to test if you have been following Him and his will then there is no way you can receive any words short of "You are my good and faithful servant." Keep dishing out to us, through the words of our Lord and Saviour, the truth, the light and the way!!!

A jump out of stale!

2005-11-16T06:50:00.000-05:00

Well, I hope you have read 1 Chronicles 16:23-32. I have taken just a portion of this psalm of thanks from David. Most of us know that we are to give God our thanks and praise but I find myself, too often, saying the same words over and over....kind of stuck in a praise routine. Oh, my praise is from the heart and is meant in all sincerity, but for me, right now it is rather stale! Your thanksgiving might be fresh and if it is great...for me, He showed me ten steps to "freshen up" my praise using verses 23-31. I will list the steps, which for the most part coincidence with the verses then end with some praise using the steps. Just sit back and enjoy what God showed me....

1. Proclaim his salvation day after day
2. Declare his glory
3. Declare his marvelous deeds
4. Praise his greatness
5. Refer to his glory and strength
6. Refer to the glory due to him, God Almighty
7. Bring him an offering..."I offer you my love, my heart, commitment..."
8. Say "the Lord reigns!"
9. Give him your thanks
10. Do it with joy and jubilance and even in song

My most merciful Father...How can anything I do for you compare to those horrific hours you hung from that wooden cross, in payment for the sins that I have and will commit. It is only because of you, and through you carrying the burden for all of us, that we are redemed and will, one day, be joined with you for eternity. It is only because of your grace and your suffering that we have been saved and will leave this life to stand in your presence never to leave your side.
You have laid before me all the works of your hands....all your splendor surrounds me. Your majesty cannot be denied...you have covered the earth in it, from the heights of the sky, ablaze with the twinkling of a zillion stars, to every creature small and large that live in the deepest depths of the ocean. All glory belongs to you. Nothing, especially life, was done by chance...it all fits into your marvelous plan. You designed this world and me to fit into your perfect plan. We have been put here for and with a plan, your plan, what a marvelous deed! Great are you and your greatness I will praise this day and in the days ahead.
You are creator, you are sustainer, you are my strength, you ARE...without you there would be no one..nothing. That is why I call you Saviour, Creator, Lord, Father, Almighty, and humbly I call you "Most Holy One". I would not be worthy to even speak your name but I have asked and you have healed me. Today I, in all my unworthiness, give myself back to you. Because I belong to you I offer this day to you. I will listen attentively for you to call me to be used for your service. I will open my heart to your Holy Spirit, so that I can walk in your ways, so that I can continue to grow, so that I can draw closer to you. Forgive me, Lord, for where I have failed you, for where I have fallen short, for what I have done and what I have failed to do. I trust in you and feel your forgiveness...I know you love me and I know that I can declare with confidence that my "Lord reigns!"
Thank you for your ultimate sacrifice for me, for your immense love, for your unending forgiveness, for your constant protection, for your continual leading, for your loving patience, for blessing me abundantly, and for loving me enough to bring me into this world and your perfect plan.
To you is all glory and power for day and for always....

Back in Bloggersphere!

2005-11-15T13:20:00.000-05:00

Surprise, surprise, surprise......I'm back and so very blessed to know I was thought of!!! I have alot of catching up to do....How is the move going Jan? Every day ya'll are getting closer and closer to the wonderful blessing God has provided for you...honestly, I have thought of you every day as I have Bomba! So Bomba, how was the vacation...are you rested? Did you get quality time with family and friends?...I was suppose to be your way this weekend...visiting my brother and his family over the weekend in Fitzpatric and Mongomery, but had to cancel the trip. How about the game on Saturday...Auburn squeaked it out in the last minute....my family VERY upset over their Georgia loss but i'm sure all of Alabama rejoicing....great game though! And to Bett M., thanks for being soooo faithful and now you have a chance to practice your comment making (you know that makes my day), and remember practice makes perfect. Sissy, I have missed your comments, just consider myself lucky that I get to see you and speak to you either directly or indirectly through MEEMEE (of course, most of my life is thru MeeMee). Ton-Ton, I hope the schooling won't keep you from reading some of my shorter posts...can't promise them to be too short, I have alot stored up in me...mostly things you have planted in my head from our talks....and Patti, I caught up today, since my eyes were not watering like faucets and I could actually focus. Are you ready for game on!? Maybe we can wait a few weeks.... Can't wait to hear from everyone!

My disappearance was mostly due to computer problems. Even while writing my last couple of posts, our computer kept freezing up and just steadily got worse. We took it to a computer shop and was told it was a problem with spies so they wiped it clean...still didn't work right...then back to the shop and we were told it was some kind of "motherboard" problem, whatever that is. They tried to get one from the factory.....to make a long story short, we had to decide whether to buy a new computer or overhaul this one. That made for some delay while we shopped and compared what we had with what we could buy and which would be the better deal. Important time lost, not just to me (separation from my friends is hard), but my husband does alot of his engineering work here at home on this computer. Anyway, this weekend we got our overhauled computer back with more memory, faster, and hopefully better. But. instead of being able to jump right to ya'll, I had caught the flu middle of last week and was so sick I was able only to lay around and whine a whole lot. Every year my mom and I go to Alabama to visit my brother's family...my nephew's birthday is the day before my moms so it is a great birthday present for her. We load up and celebrate the two birthdays together there. We were suppose to leave on Saturday morning and return on Monday morning but Thursday night I had to cancel out. I was running a fever and just too sick to drive the 5 hour trip. I was very disappointed....mom and I always have a great time together...I treasure the time alone with her. And it is great to be able to visit with my brother, sister-in-law, and niece and nephew and not be distracted with my family. But, it wasn't in the cards so maybe another weekend soon.

All that said, I am back and ya'll have made me feel so special and important...actually taking the time to inquire about me...ya'll have great big hearts and it means alot to me. I have rambled on today...sorry about that....but please read 1 Chronicles 16:23-32....tomorrow I want to talk about it. God spoke to me this morning and I feel He wants me to share some thoughts on this scripture with all of you. If ya'll read it today or tonight I might be able to keep my post a little shorter (that would be for Ton-Ton!), not having to write out the whole scripture. Then I can use the post to pass on to you what the Lord has spoke to me. I am really excited and can hardly wait for tomorrow!

And by the way, Friday is a big day for my sister and brother-in-law out west....please pray for skill and guidance for the doctors, peace for their family and most of all, for them to feel God's presence with them on Friday! God is in control and he loves that family very much....we need to trust that His will can be done in their lives and in ours.

And finally today, here's to being together, for the blessings that I receive from each of you, and the joy and love from being one in Jesus Christ. See ya'll tomorrow.....I can't wait!!!!

May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as our does for you.
1 Thess. 3:12

Conflicted

2005-11-01T09:46:00.000-05:00

Right off the top I want to express my humble thanks for the prayers, support, kindness, caring and love shown to me by my blogger friends. God has truly enriched my life by bringing us together in word and spirit and I am grateful for ya'll. As corny as it may sound, I really could feel your prayers, caring and love.....and Bomba, you said it...I WAS LIFTED UP! Ya'll have a gift for making people feel loved and important, and I know that comes from the deep love and understanding of our Lord, Jesus Christ, and out of a personal relationship with him, our Father. "In all my prayers for all of you, I always prayer with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1: 4-6

A quick report.....the knot in my stomach on the right side is nothing at all to be concerned about and the tenderness on the left side has a term but again is nothing to give a moment's thought to. The doctor will be calling today and now we have a plan....I will be going to a headache specialist and try to connect all the dots to get some relief and knowledge about what is going on up there (some say there is not alot and I tend to agree at times with that assumption!). The doctor was one of the kindness doctors I have come across (God really picked him for me), thorogh, caring, and sensitive. There are still some test results to come in, but there is no indication that they should be anything but great news! Share with me, in the joy of having brothers and sisters who are so full of Christ's love that, in a moments notice, they can be whipped into an army of God out of love and concern for someone they have never ever met!

So, let's talk about the subject of being conflicted. I want to present several sides of this issue and I hope you will respond with more ideas, thoughts, scripture.....it is, to alot of wonderful God loving people, a very gray area. What area is that? I am speaking of Halloween.....Jan wrote a blog about it yesterday and I agree with her position...yet Mandy made a comment on Jan's blog and I agree with her point of view also. So, in the interest of understanding the decisions made by our christian brothers and sisters let's look at several sides of this.

Halloween has a pagan, wicked, evil origin. There is no debate on that. There are alot of devote, righteous christians who believe that participating in the dressing up, the giving of candy, having parties on this evening are participating in the "devil's work". They feel that if they did this they are participating in celebrating something that directly goes against scripture and God's law. I have no disagreement with this....there are so many scriptures that tell us not to be a part of Satan's work and witchcraft is definetly that. There are many christians who sincerely believe that the best way to combat this pagan holiday is to turn off their porch lights, spend some quality time with their children and pray for the light of Christ to eliminate the evil of what others are doing as they, for most people, innocently participate in the rituals of Halloween. They are trying to righteously show their children that there are stands to make in this life and that, fun or not, they have to stand up for good over evil. They strongly believe in the battle on earth between the dark and light sides and they do want not to open any windows into the side of evil. In the here, I have been there and done that! It is a valid stance.

Then we have the sincere christians who gather together on Halloween, in the church gym or activities building for fun, games, hotdogs and a prayer service. Usually, because they know that children love to dress in costume (one of the two biggest pulls of Halloween) they allow that with some distinct guidlines, no devils, witches or evil costumes. Some call it a fall festival or call it family night....it doesn't matter what you call it, the intent is to make a conscious decision to give that night over to the glory of God! Most of the ones I have attended have been filled with family fun, praise and worship singing and a sermon on the family level. The belief is that in banding together they are pleasing God, witnessing to others, and facing Satan toe to toe, reminding the serpent himself, that our God reigns every night but especially Halloween night. In the here, I have been there and done that! It is a valid stance.

Another thought, in the christian realm of thinking about Halloween, is the way Mandy approached it this year. If you read her comment, their family welcomed trick or treaters but witnessed to them. By her comment, I concluded that her first witness was to her neighbors....as a christian family they were trying to dispel the apperance of being judgemental. I applaude them on this, me being the one that has talked about letting the Holy Spirit lead you to share your christianity with people who the Holy Spirit has softened and made ready to hear the truth. So, they welcomed the trick or treaters but still upheld their christian beliefs by using this night to personally evangelize those who came to their door. They handed out "Adventures in Odyssey" cd's along with the candy! I have known people who have done this very thing...not "Odyssey" cd's, but candy printed with "Jesus loves You", What Would Jesus Do?" bracelets, christian activity books, pencils with scritpures written on them....something that would be used to get the message of "truth and light" across. The thought is that we are to go out into the world and proclaim the gospel and what better night when the masses are coming to you. And I am sure, in Mandy's case and the others that have chosen this route, that many a prayer went along with the candy and witnessing tool. In the here, haven't done that one, but surely support it.....it makes a lot of sense to me.

I have gone back and forth my entire adult life about this subject. It became, to me, not the worst holiday of the year because of it being a Satanic holiday in origin but because of the wrestling we would have to do every year as it approached. No matter which way we went we felt under some comdemnation that we were less of a christian because of the approach we took. And the funny thing is we tried it all....no matter what we did, we received the scorn from other brothers and sisters who felt another way. You could say it shouldn't matter what others think we are here to please God.....the only problem with that is we have never been able, on this subject, to figure out what is right in God's eyes! We have never gotten a peace about how this holiday should be righteously celebrated, or like alot of faithful christians, if it should be celebrated at all. What I do know is that alot of people who I admire, who are people that love and seek out the will of God, and who live each day working to become closer to their Saviour, are also conflicted about what to do with Halloween. So I am going to use the month of October, from now on in the after, to share about the ways I have tried to find peace about Halloween. Also, I am going to lend my support and love to my christian brothers and sisters as they struggle with being conflicted about this holiday. Maybe, just like there is more than one way to skin a cat, there might just be more ways than just one right way is to spend the evening of October 31st. After all it boils down to the condition of our hearts....and I want my heart to be full of love for the sincerity of my brothers and sisters in Christ.

"The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results." James 5:16

Praying for one another

2005-10-28T08:51:00.000-04:00

I believe so strongly in the power of prayer...my belief is that God rejoices in a family of his coming together to lay their requests at his feet. In my heart I understand that in this life we are very limited in what we know and understand....we have just a droplet in the bucket of what our Lord knows and wills. Yet, without knowing even a reasonable part of the picture we are to walk throught each day with faith in our Father, that the things that befall us in this life have a purpose, meaning and are for our good and complete the "big" picture. The only problem is someone forgot to tell my emotions about all of this!

I have been struggling with a migraine since Sunday....I have taken all the medicine allowed, which also worries me since I am not one to take medicine. The last week has been an exhausting week...waiting on results of my brother-in-law's CAT scan, all the talk about our family friend Theresa and her death and to top it all off this nagging migraine that I can not seem to get rid of. I woke up the other morning and when I went into my bathroom and looked in the mirror, my right eye was droopy...it scared me! With these migraine it is a struggle to function...my head just pounds, I see spots, I stay sick to my stomach and my emotions and thoughts run wild. Trying to push through, my daughter left me the car one day this week so I decided that if I got out it might do me some good. I got dressed, hair, makeup and all, even though I had the feeling I was going to throw up at any moment and drove the car the 11 miles to Thomson. My visit to my little favorite store was short lived....my vision was blurry, my head was pounding, my stomach upset. Needless to say, I cried all the way home feeling very defeated, very tired and a little afraid.

I was able to get in to see a doctor I admire and trust very much. The appointment is for Monday afternoon and I am just counting the minutes. My life is usually a very simple, joyful life. I can see one leaf turning colors on one of my trees signaling fall and it will make my whole day. I can get the housework done and can hardly wait for my husband to come home and brag about how clean everything is....I love even the simplest things about my life. But, this make me feel so burdened, oppressed, empty. My time is spent trying to keep my mind from going where it should not instead of being free to feel the joy of my Lord and life. So, as my christian brothers and sisters I am asking you to take some of the burden from me and pray for me.....pray that my panic thoughts can be bound and that the doctor on Monday will have some very simple answers for me like changing my dosage of medicine or trying some other type of medication. Prayer that the peace of our Lord will engulf me this weekend and that I will be freed from the pain of this migraine. Prayer that I can come to the place where my emotions and thoughts don't override my faith. And lastly, if it is God's will pray that I will be healed from these migraines altogether. Thank you for being one in the faith of our Lord, Jesus Christ!

Questioning God...

2005-10-24T03:38:00.000-04:00

There has been alot going on around here....happenings that cause you to stop dead in your tracks and reflect on your life, the life of others and ponder the question of God and his will. If any of you read my sister's posts over the weekend, you already aware that someone my family knows died in her sleep Saturday night. This woman, who was around the age of forty, left a husband, ten children (five months old to a senior in high school), family and lots of friends. This is just another happening that is hard to comprehend.

The list in the last six months is lengthy and unsettling....Katrina, the earthquake, my brother-in-law's cancer, and now this! Is there more death, despair, tragedy and death this year, the last five years, this last decade... or am I just getting older and more aware of man's mortality? Is it that, as a country, we have become so civilized, so sophisicated, so knowledgeable, so scientific, so confident that we have forgotten that we are not in control of this life? As christians, have we strayed a bit...have we been shy of speaking the truth, that we are just using this life to pass through to another life...the perfect life? I know I am guilty of this...my first thoughts when Katrina was churning in the gulf was to keep it tuned to the safety of the weather channel. My first thoughts of the massive deaths from the recent earthquake was that we should be lobbying for buildings to be built safer in California. When I was told of my brother-in-law's cancer, I wanted to rush my husband to the doctor so he could get checked so I could receive the okay! All these responses are quite normal and natural but it had me doing some hard thinking.

Do I think of all tragedy, despair, and death as distressing, a heavy blow, something that needs to be reasoned out? Yes, for the most part, I have been guilty. But recently, I have come, through God's help, to try to focus on the mystery of the bigger plan. God has shown me that there are things in this life that I will never be able to reason out, I will never come to understand, I may never even see the purpose in them. When my mind starts to go in the direction of trying to figure out God's purpose, I have to pause, remind myself of how minuscule my thoughts and knowledge of God are. My thoughts, for a moment, can be of sorrow, can be compassionate, can be caring, but then have to turn to rejoicing in the omniscience of our King. My words have to convey my trust in the unknown paths of a Father who made me for whatever time and purpose of his choosing. My mind has to wrap itself around the fact that I am just a vessel, He is the potter...some things in this life I just have to accept on faith that He knows what is best.

In this life, whether it is short or long, whether I have plenty or I am in want, whether things come easy or I have to work by the sweat of my brow, I want to be emptied unto Him...to have all parts of myself be one with Him. I want not to look inward but to look upward, to have a faith so strong that I choose to let the mysteries of this life be solved in knowning that my God has all the answers.

Not one sparrow will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-30

We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God. 2 Cor.1:8-9

A Winner

2005-10-21T10:10:00.000-04:00

Most of you have heard that a family in Oregon have a winning lottery ticket worth 340 million dollars!! My husband and I don't play the lottery....we don't have anything against it, we just have never gotten into that sort of thing. But we have had those discussions about what if..? Of course, our first thought is of our children....build them each a nice house out here on property ajacent to us...buy them the safest cars on the market....set them up in their own businesses...take a family vacation to somewhere they have always wanted to go. Then our thoughts and dreams have run down the list of family starting with my mom and dad.....hire them a full-time chaffeur so mom doesn't have to drive...move them out here to the country with us (this is where they were going to retire before daddy lost his eyesight).....provide the means for them to go on as many missions trips as they could possiblly fit into their lives. We have entertained ideas about what to do for our siblings on both sides of the family....setting up businesses for our brothers and sisters, paying back school loans they have acquired, paying off their houses so they could be debt free, buying everyone new cars that get excellent gas mileage. But, we have not only entertained dreams of material things for ourselves and our family, we have had dreams of what we could do for our friends, our church, our pastors, and a precious nun we have known for over 25 years....she is one of 12 children, she is from Ireland, and has very little money or material things. We have always said that if we came into money we would buy her a plane ticket so that every year, for the rest of her life, she could go back to Ireland to be with her family. And we have discussed dreams of being able to spend money to help those we don't know... using our money to help fund finding a cure for cancer, paying for kidney or heart transplants for those who can't afford it, setting up a children's orphanage....there is so much we would and could do if we hit the jackpot. The bottom line of our dreams are to help bring others to Christ, help to alleviate suffering and sickness, to help make this life a little more comfortable for our family and friend and help them accomplish what they think is God purpose in their lives.

Well, we haven't won 340 million, no chance since we don't even play the lottery. Our dreams are still the same...to help bring others to Christ, to help alleviate suffering and sickness, to help make this life a little more comfortable for family and friends, and to help them accomplish what they think is God purpose in their lives. This is what we attempt to do each and everyday with what God has chosen to give us in this life....truth that is illuminated through a relationship with a risen Saviour, a heart that is seeped in compassion, hands and feet carrying a servant's attitude and a soul that is lead down the path of His will. Oh, we have won the lottery, the prize of knowing and following a life in Christ Jesus and the prize of a life everlasting.

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14

Plain Scary

2005-10-18T08:51:00.000-04:00

Our family received some bad news last night. My brother-in-law Jonathan, my oldest sister's husband, has been diagnosted with prostate cancer. He is in his early 50's and in great shape...he is a southern Baptist preacher, a father of four...he is a husband, a son-in-law, brother and brother-in-law. The news came over the telephone, to him, and today they will be going to see the doctor to find out their options.

This news fills you up with every kind of emotion, fear, sadness, panic, loss....the word cancer is just plain scary! I talked with my sister last night in an attempt to "be there" for her. I was at a loss as to what to say to Jonathan. She has already has some panic and fear but seems to think that after they talk to the doctor they will all feel better. Having a plan of some sort is better that just trying to deal with the unknown. She will be calling today after the visit with the doctor to tell us more.

This is a family of deep and strong faith. They will trust in the greatest of all physicians. They will surrender to him and let His will be done. They will walk in the shadow of his wings and come to our Saviour for comfort. I am sure though, that this will be a hard path to walk, that in their humanness they will need each and every one of us to storm heaven with our prayers, to be there to encourage them, and to show our deep love for them. Jonathon has an amazingly intimate relationship with the Almighty...one that is deep, trusting, unquestioning, knowledgeable. His is a man who really dwells in and with Christ. This will be important in the days and months ahead. As my sister and I finished our conversation late last night she said that she has always, since she was a little girl, truly believed God can do anything! These are the kind of thoughts that will help carry them through this time that will bring many challenges.

Please pray for them and ask others to pray for them also....this time the announcement of the big "C" has hit home. I told my sister that we will storm heaven and that is what I intend to do. The news, yes, is plain scary, but Jonathan and Tenny have the greatest of all physicians, a father with the biggest arms of comfort, a heart for them that is bursting with mercy, ears that are ready and waiting to hear their fears and concerns.....a God that will overwhelm them with his love and strength.

Fall is Here.... at Least in Dearing

2005-10-17T09:15:00.000-04:00

The weather is changing. The temperature last night was in the low 40's out here in the country. That wasn't my only indictor though. My warm weather son, Russell, coming into my room this morning in his Northface long sleeved shirt, looking a little blue around the lips and asking if we could close all the windows was the best clue. Yes, it is fall and time for me to do my "seasonal thing". This week the house will be decorated with plump pumpkins, scarecrows, pots full of mums, and anything in the colors of red, yellow, orange, and brown. My fall quilts will be brought out, the summer dishes will be replaced with fall dishes, and my workcenter will be covered in stamps of acorns, leaves and sunflowers and papers of varying shades of browns, reds and golds.

This seasonal phenomenon has always puzzled my men..."So, honey..have you been shopping? Didn't know so much dinner could fit on a leaf shaped plate....what happened to my trout coffee mug?..no, oh no, I don't mind drinking out of a pumpkins mug..are these new? ...."Hey, honey...see you have started on a new quilt?! Is that the sun or sunflower? .....Acorns?..Well, looks to me like that color brown paper would do just fine..no, you think it is tooo brown...oh, yes that lighter brown looks better..oh, that color is not brown!?..that color is terra cotta..I would have never guessed!......Puzzled, oh yes, and they seem to stay that way!

The seasons for my men signal better fishing or less fishing, more yard work or less yard work, piling up loads of wood or not piling up loads of wood. For me, the change in seasons renew in me an appreciation for God our Creator, the Almighty One, who with one stroke of his hand covered the earth in colors of brilliant yellows, vibrant greens, shocking pinks, and soothing lavendars in spring and summer. Then with another stroke of His heavenly paint brush....shocking reds, deep oranges, bright yellows and strong browns dominate the landscape in the fall. Oh, and even here in the south, about once a year, he chooses to throw out the colors and whitewash the land making it, sometimes for more than a day or two, a white or iced wonderland.

The seasons, for me, also remind me of the love and caring of my Father. Just as the abundance of "babies" (birds, bunnies, squirrels) in the spring always amaze me so do the flocks of Canadian geese, flying in picture perfect formation overhead, knowing where they are going, and what they have to do. I can sit for hours watching the striped chipmunks scurrying around with their cheeks full of nuts, preparing automatically for the winter. Gone are the flutter of the hummingbirds, only to be replaced by an increasing of the sounds of our owl friends. On cool crisp evenings, the heavens are bursting with the twinkling of millions, upon millions of stars.The Almighty has taken such care with every single detail of heaven and earth....His way of reminding me of the care of every detail he knows and takes care of in my life!!

As much as I love the feel of the cool earth in my hands in the spring when planting starts, I also love and rejoice in the smell of holiday turkeys and pies baking, of the togetherness of cool nights spent under handmade quilts watching old movies by the flickering light of the fireplace. I can not help but praise His holy name as the leaves on the trees change colors and fall, leaving a carpet of red and yellow on the ground. A smile and "thank you Jesus", is on my lips as I place bold orange pumpkins and pots of red and yellow mums down the steps of the deck and by the door welcoming each and every vistor.

So, as I go about my "seasonal thing", part of which is reminding my husband that I have not been shopping...we have had those plates for years...it is not a new quilt, it is the one I have brought out every fall for the past four years...if you can make your son drink from the "pumpkin mug", then have at it, you will be off the hook(!), it is not about commerialism or secularism...it is about love, gratefulness, appreciation, joy. It is about being reminded to give my God, my Father, my Creator all the praise and honor and glory due to him. Let us all rejoice and be glad...Fall is here!!

...He will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found in her thanksgiving and the sound of singing. Isaiah 51:3

God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow, "fall on the earth", so that all men may know His work. Job 37: 5-7

Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor. For everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, O Lord, is the kingdom: You are exalted as head over all. Now, our God, we give you thanks and praise your glorious name. I Chronicles 29: 11, 13

It Sounds Like Him

2005-10-12T14:10:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, while cleaning the house, I received a phone call. The voice on the other end identified himself as my husband and he sounded like my husband , but WAS it MY husband?! "Hey honey, a friend told me about a little place downtown. Every Tuesday night they have an Irish band that plays...how about the two of us going down there, having a good cold Irish beer and listening to the music for awhile...just the two of us?" My first thought was who was this person and what have they done with my husband? So, using the detective skills that I have honed while raising my family, I was going to get to the bottom of this..."Excuse me, what exactly did you say?" Okay, so I need some more honing on those detective skills....yes, it was my husband's voice but I was sure, like in one of those old 1970's scifi movies, that someone or something had overtaken him.

You see, in the here, dates were putting the children to bed and watching a good movie on cable while eating a homemade pizza. it is not that my husband doesn't desire to spend time alone with me, it is that we put evenings away from home on hold while we were raising our family. First, my husband was a fireman and spent every other 24 hours away from home...ate, slept, and resided at the firehouse. Four out of every seven days were already spent away from his home and his children so we where not going to spend one of those precious three evenings out somewhere. Also, I was schooling my children through elementary, then middle and finally high school. I was the teacher, by our choosing, but it was a weighty responsibility. I needed every evening to prepare myself for the studies of the next day...doing algebra problems, reading literature books, studying their biology, learning their goverment and world history. You see, if I didn't know the material, if I didn't do the problem sets, if I didn't read the books, how in the world could I teach, little less answer their questions. We developed our bedroom as our meeting place. Instead of hiring a babysitter or leaving the kids at home, driving somewhere, spending time and money we did not have, and then arriving home past our bedtime, only to be not at our best the next day, we would put the kids to bed, and go to our room. There we would have a picinic or a movie. I would make special iced-coffees, and desserts. We would talk about hiking trails and camping..books and movie ratings...my cares and his concerns. But, go out on a grown-up date...drinks and music..traveling there and back..I haven't been asked to do that since.......

So again, using those honed detective skills and also using my femine protective skills (wanting expectations to be the same), I asked, "Russell?, are you asking me to go out at 8 pm tonight with you to listen to some music and have cold beer or an Irish coffee? Is that what you said?" The "Russell" part was to trip him up in case it was an imposter! Clever don't you think? What came out of his mouth next really left me dumbfounded..."Yes, that is what I was asking you, I thought it might be alot of fun for us. It's time we started getting out a little and doing something just for us!" Has some romantic, grown-up man taken over my home-body, no crowd, ruled husband? Seems like it!! After some discussion, we decided that since he had been at work since 4:00 am, we would go for our date next Tuesday. He would go in at a resonable time and come home early....he said we might even let the kids take care of themselves and grab a bite to eat. So next Tuesday night I have a date...i'm still not sure that something or someone hasn't overtaken my husband but it did sound like him...and this morning when he kissed me goodbye and reminded me that Tuesday we had a date, it looked like him. It appears that all of us in this family, in the after, are going to be doing a little growing up and spreading our wings a little. Here's to next Tuesday and the luck of the Irish!!!

Go, eat your bread with joy and drink your wine with a merry heart, because it is now that God favors your works. ...Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of the fleeting life that is granted you under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9: 7,9

The Sun, My Son

2005-10-07T17:07:00.000-04:00

This weekend, as we were driving home from our camping trip, my son and I were discussing what he did not like about the mountains. He loves the fishing, the camping, the changing leaves but he does not like that the sun is not bright and visible. That is the problem with the "Smokey Mountains". There is always a haze, a greyness, filtered light...not the bright shinning sun like at the beach and he loves the beach especially the bright sunlight. I could not help, as he talked, of listing in my mind some of the adjectives used in conjuntion with the "sun" and how these describe my "son".

The first one that comes to mind is "bright"...my son is very smart and not only is he smart but he picks up on things very quickly. He pays attention and listens, files it away, and brings it back when needed. He is able to teach himself, he, if interested, and is eager to learn. Put these together and I think that qualifies him as "bright".

As the "sun" is ever-moving so is my son. He wants to participate in it all, is ready to try new things, puts himself out there to be and take part of whatever is going on. He enjoys new experiences and can do things with one person, a group of people, young people or the elderly, boys or girls...which helps keeps him ever-moving!

The sun is "holy". There are multiudes of scripture which relate to the sun and light and is used in the context of holy. My son is like this....he is not a saint, no perfect by any means but has a holiness about him... a deep sense of right and wrong, of godliness and ungodliness, of God's presence in his life. He really attempts to make "holy" choices and knowing his heart as only a mother can...he's "holy" in my book.

I looked up "sun" in an old 1940's book of adjectives that I have. One that jumped out at me was "joyous". That is really my son. He always shows joy, passes it on with his attitude, spends each day joyous for whatever is coming his way. Being joyous is a choice, for some coming easier for others, and he definetly chooses sees the joy in life.

"Ministering" is something related often to the sun...the effects of the sunlight on our mental health, ect.. Russell also has this quality. He is the source of help that everyone comes to. It happens often that someone comes to him, telling him about a problem and asking his advice on what to do. He listens attentively, always seems to be able to come up with something quite logical, simple and sound. Back during the summer months, he was headed home one evening when he called us on his cell. He told us that he would be late picking up his sister due to a friend needing to see him right then. When questioned further, it was one of his male friends who was having some sort of girl crisis and needed to talk it over with Russ. My husband remarked how different times have changed...he thought that was a girl kinda thing..crisises in your love life and needing a friend. It was then, in talking over other instance that came to mind that we realized...boys, girls..they need him to minister to them.

Have you noticed how the sun is "never-hurried". It comes up when it is suppose to, makes it way across the sky, taking all day then slowly sets. My son, even though he is busy, he projects a relaxed style...he seems "never-hurried". He is orderly and stays on schedule which keeps him from seeming hurried, flustered, in a rush. He makes the most of his time so he is able to fit in all that he wants or needs to do with being hurried. Yes, I would vote for "never-hurried".

Russell has a great smile, he is a handsome guy, and always connsiderate, and kind...a very "pleasant" person on the inside and out. I looked up the definition and it read, "pleasing to the mind, feelings, or senses." There is no need to say more...he encompassses this.

One thing all my family can agree on is that Russ is steady....steady as the "sun" is. He has an even temper, he is loyal to all his friends, he always works hard on whatever he is doing. He is a man of a few words, speaking when he has something to say but mostly listens. He is steady...he can be relied on and his actions, for the most part, can be banked on.

When Russ was about three we made a conscious decision that when his daddy was at the firehouse, he should sit in daddy's chair at the dinner table. This was not to put undue pressure on him but to start modeling him into a strong, responsible, protective man. One day, we knew he would have a family to care for and he would be the "strengthening" force in his family. Little by little we wanted to train him to be strong without taking away any of the God given gentleness that was within him. He has a strongness, a strength that others draw from. Strong in his convictions, strong in his relationships, strong in his determination, strong in his faith....strong and strengthening everyday just like the strengthening of the "sun".

As a young man, he probably would not like to hear me say this but he is "tender". Tender like the sun's rays on a spring morning...tender like the early morning sun...tender like the last glimpse of the sun settting on the horizon. When he was born, God gave us a gift of the tenderness in him. I had a girl first, and was very happy to have this one and then more..plenty of girls...I came from a family of girls. The last thing I could imagine was having a loud, harsh, hard son. I knew a tenderness in his father, thought at times thought that men made like that were miracles... that didn't or wouldn't happen often, but knew in that respect I wanted him to be like his dad. I prayed and prayed and prayed and God answered that prayer...He gave me a son with a tender heart, a softness ....just like his daddy. One day, there will be a girl in his life that will be greatly blessed, like the girls in our family are, because of this tender heart in a man's body.

And lastly, an adjective that the "sun" and my "son" share is warmth. He has a warm spirit, a warm heart, and a warmth in the way he deals with people. Have you experienced sitting in the sun on a spring day and being so cozy that you drift off into a nap? The warmth of the sun as made you relaxed, calm, serene. The warmth bring a tranquility to you...just like my "son". The adjectives here...relaxed, calm, serene, cozy, tranquility, warmth, they all describe my "son". He treats other in a relaxed, calmand warm manner. He makes them feel serene and cozy around them. When you are with him you feel tranquill....just like the warmth of the "sun".

Thank you for listening...I know all of you feel the same about your children! As parents we love our children with full hearts and of course see the very best in them. Thank you for allowing me to boast for a little while...it is not something I try to do often. God has blessed me with two wonderful gifts...my children. It is through His blessings, His grace, His guidance that I have been given these precious gifts of life. He has given me a "son" to love, train, nuture, and raise to walk the path of a righteous man of God and I am doing the best I know how. It is only with my Lord and Saviour at my side guiding me in every minute of every day that I can attempt to do the job he has graciously given to me. And thank you, son, for giving me, your daddy, and your sister such joy, love, trust, and pride in the child of God you are. I love you beyond words.....Mom.

2005-10-05T09:01:00.000-04:00

Today is my mother-in-law's birthday..........

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

We love you and miss you so very much.

"...They are before the throne of God and serve him day and night in his temple;and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them. Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their sheperd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Revelation 7:15-17

Encourage One Another

2005-10-04T03:07:00.000-04:00

Here lately I have been very convicted about how "blessed" I am! God loves me and I feel that love...I really feel it. There are alot of reasons, but one is that I have people in my life that have been encouraging me. Not a lot of people...but people I value, people of like-mindedness, people who care about me, people that have been chosen by God to do His work. "Let us hold unswerving to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:24-25.

In life, for most of us, it is hard to be unswerving. We have a process, we have to grow in our faith. For some it comes easier than others, some aren't called on as often as others...I have never lost a child or been abused or had an unfaithful husband. But, even though I have never been through really hard times, I still have had times that I have questioned God's faithfulness. It is by His grace and His choosing to reveal "why" after I have walked through something hard that has helped me grow, that keeps me hanging in there when I start to doubt. I believe we are to encourage others with our experiences of His faithfulness so here is one....

We lived in Augusta, just blocks from my mom, dad, and sister. We also lived just one mile from my in-laws. We loved where we lived and we were atttached to the house (we brought our newborn son home here).But because of our homeschooling and distractions (the city) we wanted to move...move to the country. So we put the house on the market. Everything that we could have done to sell it we did. A friend, that was a realtor, even came in and told us what furniture we should put in storage so the house would look bigger. We did not live in a fancy neighborhood or have a very big house..no big selling points. It almost killed me trying to keep it clean and organized (remember I was homeschooling two children so there where at least three people in the house 24/7). The realtor would call at the worst moments and we would have to leave so the house could be shown. This was our life for about two years, but we where encouraged by others, spurred on to keep it on the market, but even then we often faltered..swerved...asked God if we were hearing him correctly how come he didn't just bring someone to buy our house?

Then in May of 1994 our lives took an unexpected turn...my mother-in-law got sick and was taken to the hospital. During the next six-weeks we spent each and every minute in the hospital. My mother-in-law had surgery, made it out of intensive care, was moved to a regular floor, but then took a bad turn. During this six week period the house was the last thing on our minds. My family stepped in and showed the house when needed but it was at it's worst. It was dirty, messy and definetly not straightened. It was a stop off for us...a place to grab a sandwhich, check in with whomever had the children and change our clothes. Then, one Monday in June our house sold!! Dirty, unorganized, cluttered...a mess...and it sold. But, our joy was short lived...that same week, on Thursday, my mother-in-law died. We were devastated, we were unprepared, we were hardly able to function. And we had to vacate by the end of the month. We buried my mother-in-law and had thirteen days to be out. My parents stepped in and told us to put our belongs in storage and move the seventy miles..come live with them for awhile..give ourselves some time. And we did.

This was all part of God's plan...you see my dad was losing his eyesight...he was in what they call the denial stage. He was really struggling and so was my mom. When we moved in all of this became apparent and my husband "took the bull by the horns" so to say...he stepped in to help. He helped get my dad to Emory, a hospital in Atlanta. As I looked back God had the perfect plan for us and I see it now even though then I didn't understand...1) we were with my dad at a very hard time and hopefully helped him in his time of need, giving back to him a little of what he has given so humbly to us 2) my husband was commuting 80 miles one way to work which gave him time and space alone to grieve without any distractions 3)I needed my mom, I need her to answer hard questions for me, I need her strength for me and for my children, I needed her as a soft place for me 4) my children had just lost one grandmother, they needed their other grandmother, the security she provided 5) we needed the love that ministered to us that we could have only received by living with them 6) we needed the comfort of knowing that the Monday before my mother-in-law died, that we were able to give the good news of our move to the country, a place she knew her son and grandchildren desired to me. It made her very happy.

We stayed with them a year, then moved to the country on a piece of property my daddy had. Living with my parents was the best of times and the worst of times and I see now that it was God's perfect plan for us. He has a plan, his plan is perfect, he wants us to not be anixous, to trust in him and wait on his timing. My Lord and Saviour has given me a gift...the gift of a lesson learned. He chose to walk me through a hard time, a time of doubt, a time of sadness and then revealed his plan to us...only after we had walked the whole path. He gave me a lesson to be used to spur on others, to encourage others, to hold close to my heart and when I swerve bring back to memory HIS everfaithfulness, HIS perfection, HIS timing and also HIS abundant blessing on me. So here is my story...I pray that it will spur you to stand on our Father's faithfulness. I pray that it will encourage you to wait on our Father's perfect plan...whatever you are dealing with that is causing you to swerve. I pray that we can keep on meeting in the hope of encouraging one another in this life and for the life here after.

Thank you heavenly Father for having perfect plans for me. Thank you, no matter how hard I push against you that you are everfaithful to fulfill your work in me. Thank you for your abundant blessing and give me the opportunity to spur others on in their faithfulness to you, my God and my King, forever. Amen

A Trip We Will Remember

2005-10-03T13:54:00.000-04:00

We are back and it was a great trip! We pulled out of home pretty much on schedule, my son driving and my husband riding shotgun, with the back of the van loaded with all the essentials...and the back seat..where I sat loaded with all the necessary traveling paraphernalia. You know.."Irish Cream" flavored coffee, gourmet trail mix, a comfortable quilt, a good book, and my pillow. I am always the navigator (do they really think I do a good job or do they just feel sorry for me in the back?), so I have to keep my mind on the trip and pay attention to road signs. We decided to go all state highways versus the interstate and it was a wonderful drive. The scenery was great, always something to look at, and a lot of little towns along the way which are always interesting to me. About halfway, my husband changed seats with me, and thanks to my pillow he had a good nap, while mother and son successfully made our way to the Davidson River.

When we pulled into the guard hut the campground was almost full but as always God is good! We got the best campsite out of the 170 or so sites...site 136. It was secluded from the neghbors, had a hill and walking trail right behind us and was close to the water supply and more importantly close to the bathrooms. I discovered, even before camp was set up, that if I scaled the hill and followed the walking trails, that there was alot of wood to be had for our campfire. So, I became the offical wood gatherer(?). We unanimously decided to go back into the town of Brevard, eat some lunch, buy a few flies from the flyfishing store, call my nephew and niece-to-be, and then come back and set up camp. We did exactly that...ate a great hot lunch at the "Pisgah Fish Camp", stopped by the local grocery store, then the flyfishing store, called the kids to let them know which site we were at and then back to set up camp. The boys set up the tent, then the awning over the picinic table, then suited up in their waders, grabbed their fly rods and head for the uncharted waters and unsuspecting trout in the Davidson River. I got to work..had plenty to keep me busy...setting up camp, gathering fire wood, getting a fire started and thinking about dinner. I decided to focus on the tent first...laid out the air mattresses, unrolled my son's sleeping bag, laid out my blankets for my husband and I, threw in pillows, and placed our duffle bags at each spot designating where each person would sleep, making sure I was in between the two strong guys! Then I moved on to the table/food set-up. Russell had bought me a plastic fall table cloth with a flannel backing. We also had matching plates and napkins, of course, all in the fall theme. I covered the picnic table, set the cookstove at one end and set up plates, napkins, silverware, cups, drinks, and snacks at the other end. Even though we had an awning over the table, the breeze ushered in a few BIG, colorful leaves to the table as if it adding a few finishing touches. Very, very fallish!! My attention then went to the hill and gathering wood to start the fire..."the hill" ended up being my challenge of the weekend. The ground up the hill was damp which made it slippery and it was a little steep for me, balance not being one of my better skills. I would scale the hill then walk the trails collecting wood. Coming down the hill was a little more challenging especially with an armload of wood. Okay, okay...it wasn't only coming down the hill..I had a little trouble getting up the hill also! So I spent the weekend tumbling down the hill ( but never dropping my armload of wood), tumbling backwards as I tried to get up the hill (but alway succeeded in getting up no matter how many tries), and walking like I was a few decades older than I am.. the result of the tumblings and using muscles I didn't know I had. Hey, I did provide entertainment for all though. All that aside, I got our fire started (it was cool enough we had to have it day and night), the kids arrived, Chad and Meagan, and with perfect timing the boys returned about the same time from their adventures to the river. We grilled chicken breasts, cooked garlic green beans and had fudge, walnut brownies with fudge icing for dessert. The boys went back to the river, and that evening we played cards, visited, talked about fishing lessons and made plans for tomorrow and yes, of course, there was me as the entertainment (had to keep that fire going)!

That is how the weekend went...visiting with each other, walks, fly fishing and lessons (Chad and Meagan hadn't flyfished before), good food and lots of it...just an all around peaceful, memorable, relaxed weekend. It was a heart-warming sight...my son, Russell, tall, lean, a very good fly fisherman, one who makes the sport look so easy, taught by his dad...Chad, eager, persistent, ready to try it all, being taught by Uncle Russell...Meagan, sweet, quiet, has a love for nature and a very gentle spirit, out there talking instruction from Uncle Russell. All five of us together, encouraging each other, trying something new together, family...dad,mom, son, uncle, aunt, cousins..family making memories. God gave us the best of the best, God gave us nature...the change of seasons, clear, cool , crisp rivers, fresh mountain air.. love..Chad's for Meagan, a son's love for his Father, a mother's love for her son, the love of husband and wife, a aunt and uncle's love for nephew and niece.. play..fishing, walking, card playing.. work...cooking, gathering wood, keeping order.. humor...jokes, stories, and a middle aged woman tumbling down a hill...a weekend surrounded by plenty of what is good and simply, a weekend to be remembered.

For you shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out it's roots by the river.
Jeremiah 17:8

Our Annual Trip

2005-09-29T07:23:00.000-04:00

It is that time! Friday we depart on our annual camping and flyfishing trip to the Davison River, in the Pisgah Naional Forest ("Land of the Waterfalls"), in the Great Smokey Mountains, part of the Appalachian Trail. The agenda for the weekend is... man vs. woman...woman vs. campfire smoke blowing in your face...man vs.the chase of the trout...woman vs. cooking over campfire...man vs.the swift natural flow of the river...woman vs. no coffee maker...man vs. the art of the perfect cast of the fly rod...woman vs. hard, cold ground...man vs. beast...woman vs. weird sounds all night...man vs.invigorating, robust, outdoor temperatures...woman vs. layers of clothing and somehow keeping a resemblence of womanhood...man vs. "back to nature" side...woman vs. primitive camping!!!

All that said, I do really look forward to these trips. My husband's enthusiasm is off the charts...he looks forward to these trips all year. Fall is his favorite time of year...everything about it. He loves the outdoors...everything about it. He loves flyfishing... everything about it. He loves camping and hiking...you know already...everything about it. But, he sacrifices these things he loves, to hold down an important, fast-paced, always on his toes, office job. So three times a year, two times in October and one in November, his flyfishing club loads up and everyone heads north. He bestows on me a great honor and priviledge. My daughter and I are the only women that go on these trips. He brings us to share in something he loves. He wants to share it with us. And I do my best to embody the term "help mate". There are no demands from we women...we send Russell and Russ (our nineteen year old son) off to the river, making sure they have their flies, poles, waders and a snack in their flyfishing vests and we handle the rest. We keep the campfire going, make the meals, keep plenty of coffee on hand (why is there such a need for coffee just because you are outside), make frequent trips down to the river's edge to take pictures (we camp right on the river), and upon their return to the campsite listen attentively to all the details of their trek.

This year we are adding something new but very special. My nephew, Chad, and his girlfriend Meagan, are going to join us. My husband will have not only our son (who is a first rate fisherman), but now our son's cousin (he is 23), to initiate into the art of flyfishing. Chad, just like his uncle and cousin, is a lover of the mountains, camping, hiking, etc..Apart from being blessed with spending time not only with my family but also with my nephew and his girlfriend, I have a surprise for my husband! I am a hand quilter, I do nothing by machine. I am always working on one quilt or another. My husband, back during the summer, remarked that I had never made him a camping quilt. Oh, I have made several quilts, one especially that we call our mountain cabin quilt, but take them camping!? Our mountain camping quilt we take to the mountains but only when we stay in a cabin, with showers and heat. After all the work I put into that quilt I really would'nt want anything to happen to it. So to get back on track, I had him pick out some fabric he liked...mossy oak...and some alpine fleece in black..it was his choice. He chose the amount, he wanted it big enough to cover him (he is a big fella 6'3" and 200 plus lbs.), most of the quilts I make are based on math not on covering his feet. He assured me I didn't have to start on it right away, he didn't need it until October. Well, I have been secretly working on it. It is on his mind, because every couple of weeks he has mentioned it..."Well, honey, better start thinking about my blanket (quilt is a girl term). We only have 3 months till we go on our trip!"..."Well, honey, only two months till we go on our trip. Better think about getting started on my blanket."..."Honey, you know our trip is in a month..hope you have time to work on my blanket."...and bless his heart, the last he spoke of "his blanket" was.."Well, I guess you didn't have time to work on my blanket..guess you could work on it and have it ready for next year?" The truth is IT'S ready and I will hold out until Friday morning, then ask him can he make room to pack it. I know he will be pleased...just one small way to repay him for the special ways he honors me.

So Friday morning, we will try to head out at first light, blanket in tow, eager to hook up with my nephew, our minds swirling with thoughts of swift flowing streams, record sized trout, campfires, nightime rituals of smores and campfire stories, endless pots of coffee and boundless love for each other....life doesn't get any better than this!!!!

Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep. O Lord, you preserve both man and beast. How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights. For with you is the fountain of life, in you light we see light. Continue your love to those who know you, your righteousness to the upright in heart. Psalm 36: 5-10
Thank you sweet Jesus!

To Know You

2005-09-28T14:59:00.000-04:00

Sweet Jesus,

This is what it means to me to know you...

I can believe in what I cannot see.
I see light even thought there is darkness.
I can feel strong even when I am weak.
I can feel comfort even when I look at your bloodied, tortured, body upon a wooden cross.
I can find acceptance even when being judged.
I am loved even at my worst.
I can be hopeful even when others tell me there is no hope.
I have someone to trust even when everyone around me disappoints me.
I can find joy in the everyday, mundane things in life.
I know I will live for an eternity, even though some think our days are numbered.
I know forgiveness even when I can't forgive.

You in your mercy, grace and love have taught me this and more...that is why I will forever praise you and glorify your holy name to all..generation to generation.

Humbly in your precious name,
Trina

*Please, as a comment, add to this list for His honor and glory....

Quiet and Still...

2005-09-26T12:58:00.000-04:00

Take a minute and, just for yourselves, take a little survey for me. For you out there that don't work outside the home, how many days during the week do you not go anywhere all day (excluding carpool drop-off and pick -ups if you just go there and back)? If you work outside the home, how many evenings a week do you find yourself not going straight home...you find yourself at Target, Wal-Mart or anywhere else other than home? How many times a week do you eat dinner out? How many Saturdays are spent at home? How many Saturdays are spent doing an activity as a family..a picinic, fall festivals, yard work, visiting Grandma? When you call it a day on Sundays, do you feel like you have had a day of rest? In relationship to the time spent shopping (exclude grocery shopping), eating out, going to the movies, on the computer...things that are not necessary for the running of daily life...how much time is spent just being quiet, still and in the presence of our Lord!?

These are questions that we need to ask ourselves, and that includes me! How can we be quiet and still with the Father if we are too busy with other things in our lives? And, other than the daily things we need to do to run our lives efficiently, how important are the things we do? I grew up in a very orderly, peaceful home...five kids and a mom who was very loving and embodied the Proverbs woman. Time was something that was to be managed, not wasted. Her job, as the mother was to run an efficient, smooth running ship and we always knew that God was her Admiral. She had regular briefings with the "Admiral", smart enough to know she needed Him at the helm. She was very, very organized and always kept to task. For instance, she went grocery shopping only once a month. It puts me to shame...I can't even make it two days without making a trip for something. I have a zillion examples of the things she did to make our home a peaceful oasis, and a place of peace and quiet(see definitions below)and that is what is was. Time, for all of us, was made so that we could spend time with the Lord. And, as I said, especially in my mom's life...she always had her quiet time! But, it stands in sharp contrast to the way lives are lived today. It took what some people call "sacrifice".. it wasn't a sacrifice to her, she was doing what was best for her family, the job God called her to. She laid the groundwork for me in the here, to homeschool my children. Because of her teaching, training, and by her example I was able to lay the hasty activity ridden lifestyle aside and go down a path unknown to most moms, dads, and children nowadays. I was able to provide for my family a quiet life, peaceful and if I may say so, grand and uncluttered. "Better a handful with quiet than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind." (Ecclesiates 4:6).

One day I was talking with a friend from church...a woman with a real heart for the Lord..but she made a comment that really hit home and caused me to look hard at the lifestyles our generations were being sucked into. She was upset with her second grader because the child had forgotten to remind her of a special ballet practice they had to go to that afternoon. She was explaining to me that because the child had forgotten to remind her, it had not been noted in her daytimer and her schedule was just to busy to make time to go back home to retrieve the needed ballet paraphernalia. As her child stood beside us crying, fearful of being reprimanded at the practice, she tried to explain to me and the child the importance of the daytimer and just how busy her life was. Neither the child nor I understood! We are so busy chasing after the wind that our lives end up being swallowed into it....like being sucked into the middle of a tornado. With all the swirling and deafening noise, how in the world can we be still and quiet and listen for the voice of our Lord! And there are consequences for listening and not listening to God. "But whoever listens to me may live secure, will have quiet, fearing no mischance." (Proverbs 1:33).

Have you ever looked up the definition of "quiet"? Here are a few of them..*of gentle or peaceful disposition...*not overt, private, distinguished...*undisturbed, uninterrupted; free or far from vigorous activity...*a state of being free from urgent tasks or agitation...some words from the definition...tranquil, undisturbed, calm, stillness...Look back over how you answered my unscientific survey and then think on the definiton. How does your life rate on the "quiet" scale? If you changed one or two things about your busy life right now would it bring you more quiet? Can you change just one thing in your social life to be able to say "Lord, my heart is not proud nor my eyes haughty; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quietied my soul." (Psalm 131:1-2).

A quiet life is so important that the apostle Paul urges us to pray for each other.."I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thankgiving be made for everyone-for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good and pleases God our Saviour." (1 Timothy 2:1-2). And as always, our Father, is ready, when we heed his instructions to pour out his blessing..."The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever." (Isaiah 32:17). If this post, just simple words from a woman who wants to continue living a quiet life doesn't stir something inside of you then read this.."In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength but you would have none of it". (Isaiah 30:15). In the after, I want to continue to lead a quiet, peaceful life. I want to examine my comings and goings on a regular basis... for more of my time to be spent thinking, meditating, reading, studying and being in God's presence than anything other activity. Let's set aside our busy life, the endless effort of filling time with things of this world and make more time for quiet, peace, and stillness...time dwelling in the presence of the Almighty.